*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/struggle2bherd
Review Requests: ON
49 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of Soiled streets  
Review by Neil
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
There is a uniqueness to your work that is both charming and entertaining. I read this poem and smiled from the memories it brought forth. There are sublime messages throughout, and it is well worth coming back for a second read to see more missed first time around. Lots of thought and insight have gone into this well written piece.
2
2
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (4.5)
A poem can help save us...anything is better than complacency. We need to stop this madness, wake up and realize what is at stake. Our very existence depends on poets, writers, scientists...people who want a viable Earth for our children to live. We are at a critical phase, where the opportunity to actually do something to turn this around exists. But if we miss this chance, there will not be another, and we, as a species, will face extinction from our own lack of foresight. Nobody believes this will happen...why..arrogance, self importance and ignorance. It beggars belief that we are so clever, yet we are so so stupid. We pray to God then poison, exploit and abuse her...maybe we don't deserve our existence...and mass human extinction will be our just deserts...maybe. Thank you Rotten Apple...for caring enough to be an antagonist and for writing this piece.
3
3
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (5.0)
Following makes us safe but carving makes us alive...which one is the best way for our art to go?? I have learned a lot since I became a member here. I have learned about grammar and punctuation and about me. But I have learned more in the last few days than in the months before, and that is because I now see clearer and so can appreciate more...a snowball effect that makes me wonder where this will lead..and it is work like this that is showing me that we don't have to write or be like anyone else in order to succeed. Because success is measured not by who likes or follows but within our own hearts and minds and in the integrity of what we do. Judge only ourselves but open our minds to what we cannot see because of our ignorance and our need for acceptance. Cool poem I like it a lot.
4
4
Review of No us  
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (4.5)
The message in this poem is not one most of us want to hear...that even IF we make changes, we have only a slim chance of saving our own existence. Is it already too late? Our planet, mother Earth will be just fine without us, in fact this is the only way she will....and in a very short period of time all evidence of us will be gone. Sounds bleak, but this is just a poem, and the reality is not if but when something gives and a mass extinction of humans follows. We are such a clever species...we can travel to our own moon and could feasibly get a few of us to Mars. But wouldn't that be a sad ending for a clever critter...a critter that became too clever for it's own good. Oh...we will try...once the reality hits home and we have to tell our children that we didn't care enough and lacked the foresight that should have every one of us striving to do something ...anything...your final stand...to say "I care about my children's future...about our planet!" Without her we have no place to call home...and we die. We are on a collision course with disaster...make no mistake, it is coming...and even though 'Too little too late' would be an apt motto to carve into our gravestones...there won't be anyone left to see it. Is it not the most ridiculous circumstance imaginable that we know we are on the eve of destruction but we just don't care enough to do whatever is needed to change it.
5
5
Review of Eyes try, I die  
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (5.0)
You have a way with words..a way of getting something that looks on the surface as being somewhat simplistic...yet once immersed you realize that this is more than the sum of it's parts...is more than I expected, and way more than I could have imagined...the way you twist each line, changing slightly from it's past, present and onto it's future is impeccable...cryptic depth to a level that for me takes more than one or even two takes...how ironic that at first glance I was taking it for simple and by the time I am gaining some understanding...it is I who is showing my simplicity...a poem can have a life all of it's own and teach me not to judge on appearances alone.
6
6
Review of Dancing Babies  
Review by Neil
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
If there ever was a subject so horrifying as abortion then you have found true darkness. Being free choice comes at a heavy price, yet the alternative is just as horrific. Should we just pretend that it is not the way it is? Head deep in sand that protects our feelings, as those who have no say in their own future are torn from the safety of loves embrace...in barren homes love does not depend on the strands of our existence and alternatives for a second chance are real and welcoming...to give up on another is the ultimate betrayal but is nobody's choice but their own. When my partner told me of the news I was overjoyed...until a career and money pushed not only our child but us ourselves into oblivion. Never the same when nothing comes from something....this poem is more than brilliant...each time I read I am finding more depth...more than at first appears. I am moved...all these years later I still wonder who he/she was.
7
7
Review of Hate dogs  
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (5.0)
This piece is as complex as it's author...deep, meaningful and certainly SPCA friendly. Dogs are dogs, but dogs are not dogs when dogs are of the two legged kind of dog...the worst kind of dog.

If a dog don't go woof he ain't no dog who will cock his leg on the guest you don't appreciate arriving unannounced at you and the dog's humble abode.

We should all hate dogs so much that the hate turns into love..we should all love dogs so much that it turns into...yep you guessed it...indifference. Wouldn't the world be a better place if we all hated more dogs.

I know I love to hate dogs and I would hate to love dogs too.

Good poem...keep writing them just as good as this one and you got a career...in music.
8
8
Review of I Never Knew You  
Review by Neil
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Fundamentalism is what everyone should be afraid of...Christians and Atheists alike. A very well written piece by an author who has put a lot of thought into his work. I don't see (as an Australian) this 'war' between two camps. Maybe we are so different...but still the same in that tolerance is a virtue we could all embrace more than we profess. While reading I did have an image of someone up on a soap box...only this imaginary person was not holding in their white knuckled right hand a bible or a science text, but an olive branch, which was a pleasant change I must say. The arguments for both teams/sides were fair, but the admission by the author of who's team he really belongs (and may have been better served by remaining removed, and so impartial...although this was in my mind rather than the fact that he was impartial), made me ponder, rather than keep reading with the same open mindedness that I had just a minute before. I think that most reviewers will likely be putting forth their own position on this subject, so I will avoid this because, as the author points out, it would be futile to do so. Beliefs are what you believe, and nothing...not the appearance of God nor proof of extra-terrestrial life would change that. Our need to belong within a society is both our strength and our weakness...factions emerge, which then seek to divide, as desire for power and attention grows, and this unfortunately, is the nature of the species to which we belong.
9
9
Review of Man is a Disease  
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (5.0)
Isn't it strange when two minds who have never met or even know much about the other can find common ground and feel, see and hope in the same way as each other. I read this for the first time today and you must have thought through our conversations that i was infringing your copy rights. But seriously this is a subject close to my heart, and if you hadn't written it already, I probably would have soon...or something similar. So thanks for taking my opinion and making it your own...or is it your opinion that I am making mine? Either way I agree, except I think rather than a disease we are more virus like...but virus/disease...it isn't worth going to war over...is it? Hey we haven't gone to war with each other yet..sounds like fun hey? Oh I just thought of a problem...well actually two...the first is we look the same and we have similar values so how are we going to get the masses scared enough to support it? And the second is your military budget is more than our entire GDP so some concessions would be appreciated...like you can only use depleted uranium and not uranium 235...and if we cry then you have to give us a hug. Thank you for your pessimism. Maybe we can join forces and have a war with those pesky optimists.
10
10
Review by Neil
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like this story...It's macabre and gruesome and violent. The shadow and the light are one and the same and that permeates throughout...there's mystery and intrigue with a sense of, "Who are these creatures that lust for blood?"

My favourite lines are, "I see nothing on his face, except everything."

And..." I remember the laughter, the screaming, the terrors, the others, the first, the ones I could never forget, the ones I forgotten, the convincer, the survivors, the traitors, the community, and her, she was always there, taunting me, haunting me, advising me, killing me, and healing me." One hell of a sentence.

Classic horror with an original edge.
11
11
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (4.5)
These are some very hard questions (thanks Lisa), and the answers any person gives to themselves will not necessarily be the ones that they may make if, or when, a scenario like any one of these presents itself. We like to THINK we will be the person who takes the high moral road, and for some this is an easy test to pass..as it will be for the low moral road takers. But then there's the other 80% of us who know we will do the right thing...that is if we are not late, or broke this week...besides, they are a big company and can afford to lose a small amount such as the one we now hold in our hand... and they have made plenty of us in the past...excuses only need a place to lay...reasons will always find a home when someone is put on the spot...yes or no, with no time to contemplate what we are really doing and the real outcomes these choices could deliver...other than our own that is. Are we then bad people? Not if no one knows about it, right? Except the flaw in this plan is we are the only one's who know and we are the most likely to punish ourselves for it later...guilt and remorse are not going away soon enough, and that is why it pays to be honest and upright in the way we conduct ourselves, even if nobody is looking. Because it's not (as most think it is) so important what others may or may not think of us or our values...only our opinion on who we really are and those values has any real bearing on how we feel about ourselves and our place in the world at large. We are not born bad or good people, but we do become them...and sometimes good people do bad things and visa versa. I think that it's not so much about what we have done in the past, because we can't change those things, but what we will do if or when challenges/opportunities knock... unless of course a satanist serial killer offers us a ride...even IF that person says they have changed, it might be smart to get someone else to give us a ride that day. Thanks Lisa, for writing this article and for helping us all raise the bar on how we conduct ourselves from day to day.
12
12
Review by Neil
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
You combine quality elements to manufacture what you have...your truth...but to then put that down in words...seriously good stuff. And for me to sit and read all sixteen poems in one take is monumental to say the least. The stories read plain and simple, yet there is a complexity and depth that exposes your soul. Thank you for your honesty...honesty is the corner stone of any artist and you have all four corners holding up the frame work that is your life. I knew there was something about you from the few short words you wrote to me. I just didn't know what it was, but I sure as hell do now. You have something special, I hope you realise that...take advantage . If you can't rap, may I suggest you learn...because your rhymes lend themselves to that genre. I can feel the darkness in your soul and if you were busking on some street corner, a few dollars of mine just hit the bottom of your tin...spend them wisely. Every day we choose...left or right...good or bad...and we have to live with the consequence of those choices, but if you have a goal...then you don't spend too much time looking backwards, and it keeps your focus you on the path ahead...your path is not set and either way, you will still be talented...only how many know will be the difference.
13
13
Review by Neil
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Part 4 of the series sees Joan getting almost everything her heart desires...almost...I think by the climax, she WILL have everything. But what that will be has me thinking of all the possibilities, and I can't wait to find out what this most unlikely heroine has in store for her. Part 4 is written with the same slick style and cleverly thought out story line as the previous three, getting even more racy with tantalisingly sexy scenes that are right on the edge between erotica and it's less glamorous cousin, but is done, as usual, with class and taste. It has something to offer most adult readers who are looking for more than just fan fiction or romance...blending the two flawlessly. I must give my thanks for the author's note before chapter 18, without which I would have found myself skimming over, because I am neither gamer nor a devotee of fan fiction. Armed with this information before taking in 'Demo Tournament' helped me to understand that this work is neither genre but a mixture of the two, and so it should have elements of both. Thoroughly enjoyable and entertaining, with an openness and integrity that is undeniable. There are some very funny moments as well, and I really do love the way Joan holds her head high, without a glimmer of shame or regret. She is a breath of fresh air in a mostly plain and routine world.
14
14
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jenn...I like to try to repay reviews I receive, and when I started going through your body of work, I just didn't know which piece to review because I really enjoyed all of them. I am just too lazy to review every one so I thought instead I would do a Hodge-podge (thanks for that little treasure) of the ones I liked the most in one review, so here goes...From folder Haiku et al...I really liked 'Serina-A Sestina' and 'Redneck Wonderland'...this style I have never heard of and I liked the fact that they are short and easy to take in...From folder...Uncharted Waters...I loved how you took the perspective of the Frisbee in 'Golf Disc'...How you came up with such a quirky idea shows true imagination...and I was touched by the tenderness and beauty, and for me the real stand out piece in 'Thoughts of Ruby'...From folder Adults Only, Please...'Ryan's Song: A Really Bad Trip' and 'Ode to Those This Poem Fits' were my favs, being an addict myself, I connected with both easily. I read a few more but I can feel my natural laziness kicking in and I am almost done...To sum up I am impressed by your ability to grasp a mood and get that down on paper...really good stuff that I would not hesitate to recommend to anyone. Thank you for having the courage and strength to continue to shine...I know how hard that can be sometimes.
15
15
Review of Human Upgrade  
Review by Neil
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
I thought it about time I repay you for the reviews you have done on my work, so here goes...I shouldn't be surprised that you write with such flair and style, although I must admit that I am..and pleasantly so. This piece was easy to read, from start to finish, and that is saying something. I find that getting past the first paragraph or two of some writing often very difficult...if it doesn't command my attention with subject matter, entertainment value and good writing skills, I lose interest and move on, but this excellent little story is what I look for and am glad to have found. It has originality, it's quirky, it's totally unpredictable and it has a lot contained inside such a tiny package...and I loved it...seriously. I can see how this won an award and it shows just how talented an author you are...serious talent that I could learn a lot from. I will be reading a lot more of your work in the weeks and months ahead.
16
16
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (4.0)
Lovely story, well written, and subject matter, as you know, that is close to me. My dad died 06/26/2017 about two and a half years ago, and around the same time your mom passed. Time since then has passed really fast, and I imagine it is the same for yourself. Your experience with your mom was, I remember you telling me, quite a bit different to mine with my dad, and I am glad for you and that you seem mostly undamaged by it all. Unfortunately I cannot say the same, and am still haunted with guilt and fear two and a half years later. And the truth is I may never be the same person as I was before he went into 'That Place'. No matter how nice the aged care home is, it will always be a place I fear and do not ever want to go. I hope God takes me before that has to happen. The last line in your piece really stood out to me and for the wrong reason. It is something I am guessing you didn't intend but...considering the subject, to say you will never forget what happened on that cold December day is I hope, yours and your loved one's reality.
17
17
Review by Neil
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
August is such a lovely time of year to die...but to die like our friend the corrupt pollie sounds particularly violent and enjoyable...that will teach him...well it won't teach him...because he's dead but, just before you looked into his eyes aS he died (taking his soul) he did learn something..."DO NOT MESS WITH MY FAMILY!!" I don't really know if those were the last words he heard, but a rewrite could secure some gift points of around 27 for that to happen...if not then 33 will be yours to keep forever for giving us such a lovely little poem that I enjoyed like a murderer enjoys looking into the eyes of his victim as he twists...Good job Kiara..you are becoming such an accomplished poet, which is awesome considering you don't really like poetry.
18
18
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (2.5)
I can see your point and obviously nobody wants these programs you describe to cause people to become welfare dependant, but here is the issue with what you put forth...first of all you say "we were all white-privileged kids with no reasons to fail as adults." But I question...how do you know what these kids that sat along side of you were really going through? A young girl who is being sexually abused by a relative or family friend or teacher doesn't wear a badge telling the world this is why i am acting up...so the statement that there is no reason for them to fail is assuming you know everything about another person and the reality is that abuse is hidden in shame and guilt but manifests in behaviours and can lead to 'failure' as an adult and really...who are we to point the finger at others laying labels of failure like we are successful because we never took a handout?
Pointing out problems is easy and really anyone can look at the many 'wrongs' of modern society...but what is more difficult is finding solutions...real solutions that do not cause even worse problems further down the track than they solve today. It is never just a case of "Well...we just pull funding" of those programs we or our church decides are unworthy. That is just too easy if you are prepared to ignore the real outcomes that will happen when a society decides that certain people are worthy of being helped, such as the disabled people you suggest are, but those who didn't listen in class or had out of wedlock sex and got pregnant may not be. This kind of thinking is fine when you are in a position where you have never needed a handout (regardless of how hard you have worked to ensure this is the case) and really cannot find it in your heart to give to these, dare I say, 'no hopers', and that is your right to have your opinion on this but what do you suggest we, as a society, do with these people? Would Jesus have turned his back on them? Even if they commit sins and get pregnant while they are not married...didn't he say let those who are without sin cast the first stone...because that is what you are doing here...you are deciding that these people are not worth our taxed money because?? Because they didn't listen in school...because they sinned...because they commit crimes...all well and good but what is the solution?? Turn your back on a problem and the problem just gets bigger and don't get me wrong, I can see why a lot of people are sick to death of these types of issues, but it is not just a case of stop these payments to the one's we deem undeserving because I can see some very obvious outcomes from big decisions made without to much thought...If you don't offer help to those who already feel vulnerable and shamed (because no matter how much you might think you understand the issue as a whole, unless you have walked a mile in someone else's shoes you really don't) where do you think they will turn to feed these out of wedlock babies because make no mistake...these people love their children, just as much as you love your own and they, if faced with starvation, which is the reality of what you are suggesting here, what would you suggest they do...really...not some pie in the sky "get a job"...what would you do if your child was starving and needed food? We are humane and we would never allow children, no matter what mistakes their parents made, to starve...that kind of thing only happens in third world countries, not in civilised countries such as our own but...I'm afraid it is already happening and your ideology to take even more funding out of a system that is flawed, without a doubt, without any kind of plan of what are we going to do other than cast them into a life where crime and selling their bodies to those more privileged is the only solution..well God help us all if this is what good church going people believe to be right. Jesus Chris never walked with the rich or the privileged and that's because that's not where he was needed...he associated with the poor, the prostitutes and thieves and I know that when he returns you will not find him in any of these huge monolithic structures that are supposed to represent him because that's not what he was about and I'm sure he would rather those who build them had used the money to help those who you say are a problem of their own causing...Sorry to disagree with you on some of you points, but I promised honesty in my opinion and that is mine.
19
19
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (4.5)
Really well written. You describe those feelings...feelings i know all to well (of anxiety leading to panic) that for a moment I actually felt my heart rate rise. Scary stuff. You have a gift, and skill to burn. I wonder if not for the mental or emotional trauma suffered would we be better or worse writers or just different. I lean towards better with damage because suffering and pain brings a certain outlook or understanding...you have had to look deep into your own soul and question everything, which in turn brings self awareness in knowing who we are.
20
20
Review of The Threshold  
Review by Neil
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What happens to us after we die is a question that nobody has so far been able to answer...obviously ...dead men tell no tales. This story i found intriguing. I liked the three door principle and the fact that Vincent had done some good and some bad in his life and so purgatory was his lot...well that's what i took away from it. Well written...and in a style as unique as it was entertaining, even when dealing with subject matter that would be a hard write to do so. Sad, yet somehow uplifting and I have no idea why. Five minutes of my life spent, and well worth it.
21
21
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (5.0)
Very nice...It captures the emotion perfectly. I felt this poem rather than read it and as soon as the words were absorbed tears formed...literally. It evoked past experiences and regrets and that is what really good poetry should do. You sir have a gift, I don't doubt that you have had to work and hone those skills to bring out the best of yourself and your art and really is there a difference between the two? You are what you write and that shines through in the honesty that is plain to see. A beautiful and tragic poem that was a pleasure for me to experience.
22
22
Review of Let's Start Over  
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi CL...I like this poem and it seems from what i have seen of your writing, a bit off the usual path for you. Of course i could be wrong on that note but rhyming is, as you may remember, a style i like to use in a lot of my poems. It gives me confidence when i see a writer of your calibre using rhymes in your work. I don't think that this style is the flavour of the month and perhaps free verse is, but i believe doing a mixture of different styles is going to create a more well rounded writer...at least that is what i hope. Your poem is close to my heart and i imagine many others as well given the subject matter. I doubt there would be any couple who have not felt these emotions and doubts as their lives and relationships evolve. Everybody, even those on the sidelines want to see that happy ending and by the sound of it the subjects in your poem lived happily ever. It doesn't always go this way and as sad as that can be even those couples who don't make it together still make it and i like that you touched on this in your verse..."I'll still be a better person",
"If our story comes to an end"

Wise words and it is that attitude which can be the difference when we are making choices such as do we want to be with this person or not? That is an attractive quality and serves well just in case. Thank you for your wise and insightful words.
23
23
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is it...Brilliant or flawed? I pray the former...but yes...this is it...genius...or not so much? I think brilliantly miss-written should cover all bases where it's...two down, nobody on, no score bottom of the ninth (thanks Meatloaf). When i first read it i was a little put off. But can you imagine all of the writing mechanics rolling their 'lacking any kind of adventure' eyes at this piece of brilliance...All i have to say is...I wish i had wrote it and i am green with envy...or i just spilled my Lime Spider all over my lapel..."Waiter!!"
24
24
Review by Neil
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kiara...Nice story as per usual...I have been seeing your work around the site and always enjoy your story telling. There is a uniqueness in your style that I find fun and refreshing and I hope you never lose this. As we mature as writers change is inevitable, but for every gain there will always be something lost...something akin to 'be careful what you wish for' ....I may be wrong here but I sense a fearlessness in your writing...maybe a GAF attitude?.. but not in a bad way. You can only write what you feel and what you like and it is so cool that you are carving your own path...leading and not following . ...This story is insightful, clever, imaginative and very good.
25
25
Review by Neil
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Wow...Reading your words have had a profound affect...Because i have 12 year old twin daughters who i have not seen for a year and a half, with not much chance to fix what was broken between us. My emotions run high right now at the thought that one day my girls could write something like this about me. I'm sorry for your loss...and for the way you were forced to feel. A dad should be a very special person to his daughters...he brings comfort, security and an idea of what she will choose when she falls in love. Your letter has made a difference...maybe it will avert another girl having to say what you have...I hope so because we, as fathers, have an obligation when we have a child to do everything in our power to make sure that she feels loved and wanted. Divorce hurt me but it also hurt them, maybe even more so and because of this pain i have been missing...missing from them and missing them...i also missed the man i used to be before all of this...waiting for something to change, but knowing only i can change it. Reading your letter has scared the crap out of me...that they might one day feel that i don't deserve their emotional energy...their love...that is not something i ever imagined for them or for me when i held them for the very first time...these tears are for you, for my girls and for all of the fathers who missed out on telling their children how much they love them before death ended their chance. I won't allow that to happen...well, at the very least i will die trying. Thank you for sharing this...It must have been very hard for you and i truly hope that when you let him fly, you managed to find the grace to forgive...we are just so stupid sometimes.
39 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/struggle2bherd