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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/toffeeman1957
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Public Reviews
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Review of The Escape  
Review by Toffeeman1957
In affiliation with 30-Day Bloggers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
There is plenty of material here to take it on further. I realize that the contest probably restricted your word count but maybe you could write a longer version.
Who knows what they could get up to on Twitter!

Write On
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Review by Toffeeman1957
Rated: E | (1.5)
I have read this story twice and the lack of punctuation and spelling mistakes made it very hard to understand. I don’t know if the lack of punctuation is intentional. If it is then it doesn’t work for me.
If it’s not intentional then maybe you could get some assistance by pasting it into a Word document and following the punctuation and spelling prompts. I find that The Word program can be a big help when you are trying to write an interesting article.

For such a short story there seems to be an overload of characters. There were times when I couldn’t follow the story line because I didn’t know what character was involved in the action and dialogue.

Try to break down the whole story into smaller sections and then to develop that small section into a more detailed section with more instructive action and more understandable dialogue.
It will take a bit of work to sort it out, but I think you will find that it is worth the endeavor.
After reading your article a third time I’m wondering if you were attempting to write your story as a stage or film script. If so, then I apologize if I have misread your intentions.
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Review by Toffeeman1957
Rated: E | (4.0)
What a wonderfully uplifting story! I’m guessing that when you had days like that it cancelled out the days that were not as good.
Maybe you should think about what heading you put this story under. Is it really a short story? Yes, it is a story, but wouldn’t it be better listed under non-fiction with a sub heading of personal? Just something for you to think about.
The first two paragraphs were more of an explanation of the start of your career rather than the beginning of a short story. I almost gave up reading as I got halfway through the preamble because I was expecting to read a short story.
I am glad I never gave up!
I am sure you have plenty more stories to tell. Maybe not as heartwarming as this one but just as interesting.
Thank you for brightening my day.
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