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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/toffer
Review Requests: OFF
82 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh GROOOOOOAN!! You oughta be ashamed of yourself! ASHAMED, I tell ya! When did you write this, anyway? April 1th? There I was, all hooked and ready for a nice spooky little tale of the supernatural. And this .. THIS, is what I get? A stupid joke that's probably older than you and me COMBINED?

Oh well. Stupid of not, at least I got a good laugh out of it.

Well done, young feller!
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Review of Just One Chance  
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Sherri! TJ here. I've been perusing your port, and very much enjoying everything I've read so far. This children's short story struck home for me, cuz I can identify with Todd. I was fortunate enough not to have a disability per se. But I was very small for my age, and skinny. Like Todd, I loved playing baseball, but never made the cut with kids my own age. I would play with my younger brother, and his friends. But enough about me.

I don't have the qualifications to write for you an in-depth review. But I know a jolly good, well-written story when I read one. And "Just One Chance" fills the bill in every way! If only every Todd out there could find their Sammy. And experience the joy of making that game-winning catch! Unfortunately, in real life, that rarely happens to us Todds. It never did for me. But your story, and others like it, written by caring people such as yourself, serves as inspiration to every Todd (and Toddette) to get out there, and at least try their very best!

Thanks for this very nice, and moving story! Great job! It made me smile. Keep on writing, eh?
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Review of Jack's Guest Book  
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hiya Jack! Nice place you have here! Very much enjoyed what I've read so far, although "16 Candles" left me feeling a little sad. Must say though, it was very well written and easy to read, as was the poem I read. Can't remember the name of it now. But it was the one about the guy getting married in Vegas. Also, your bad driver cartoon is GREAT! Will be sure to drop by again. Meanwhile, keep up the good work! See you around, eh?
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Review of Shadow Dance  
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Dear Sir: As per your request (above) in re: leaving a comment, I do hereby PRAISE your poem! Jolly well-written, I say, I say! Also appreciated - your inclusion of the definition of the word, 'abstruse'.

TJ
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5
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi. I think this is a gem of a piece, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading it! It's very well-written, and you're right on the money with every point you make. If only everyone thought this way, eh? What a much better world this could be. Well done!
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Review of Ysangra  
Review by TJ
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi. I loved this poem, and how brilliantly you painted the picture in my mind, the alien strangeness of your home world, "light-centuries away" across the "long dark" .. and the strangeness of YOU - "I bare my teeth (What you would call a smile)" LOVED IT! ALL of it! VERY well done!
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Review of Days of Time.  
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello. You are eggZACKLY right on the money with your viewpoint on what we call "time". The only place where time exists is on all them fancy man-made gadgets here on Planet Earth. I dunno about apps or ADD disorders, cuz I'm an old baby boomer and haven't kept up with all the new technology. But that don't matter, cuz it ain't my world anymore, anyhow.

But I enjoyed reading your piece very much, and agree with your advice! Well done!
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Review of The Funeral  
Review by TJ
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there. I found this to be a very interesting, nicely-written and enjoyable read.

If I were to be so bold as to criticize anything at all, I would say that the one line, " I opened my eyes to see my own sleeping face staring back at me." bothered me just a tad. If your face is sleeping, that would imply your eyes are closed. Though for it to be "staring back" at you, they would have to be open. In my humble opinion, anyway.

Overall, a job very well done! Left me wanting for Chapter Two. I'd be very interested to read how you gave that murdering SOB his comeuppance!

Keep Writing!
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9
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there Pumpkin! TJ here as promised. I love your poem! But OMG! - Is this a true story? Sure reads like it! Held me riveted the whole way through! Definitely a contender for the title! Best of luck, eh?
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Review of White Water Life  
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Yes, of course I'll take a moment to heap some praise on you, Ken! Especially when you deserve it so much!

My reaction to your poem up there is: I found nothing to criticize. Ergo, it left a very impressive impression on me! I like this here Trijan Refrain Rhyme Scheme thingy, which you my friend have so obviously mastered to a tee! TEE, I tell ya! Or at least, you had in 2009.

Your deftly descriptive doggerel swept me away, it did! It was like I was right there with you in your two-man canoe, yellin' "WOO HOO, eh?" as I thrilled to my very first white water ride!

Loved it, buddy! Five stars all the way!
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Review by TJ
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hiya CJ! Hilarious poem! Good Luck, eh?
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Review by TJ
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Bob. I'll begin with a version of the standard disclaimer I usually give to someone whose work I'm reviewing: I do not consider myself a writer; nor do I, a poet. I am naught but a newbie here, trying to learn what I should have begun to learn 45 years ago. If only I'd heard my calling.

So ... you wish to know what I think of your poem. I've read it three times. It's a beautiful tribute to your Pastor. And it leaves no doubt as to the depth of the gratitude and admiration you feel towards him.

To be honest though, I have trouble with the meter when reading it. In certain stanzas it starts off fine, but then I seem to lose the rhythm. Perhaps it reads differently to you, the writer. Maybe you sneak an extra word into the beat here and there, as you read it back. I could be placing the accent on the wrong syllable. It may be only that there IS one word too many. Or one word too few. But my difficulty with it, recurred throughout most of the piece.

Also, I noticed in the second-to-last stanza, you switch the rhyming scheme around, then return to the original, for the last. I have no idea whether this is a perfectly fine thing to do or not. But I personally, found it off-throwing.

I'm giving you 4 stars, which is what I normally award a piece I find problems with. If I find nothing wrong at all, and have enjoyed the reading experience, I award 5 stars. From what I've seen, that's what most of the folks here do.

Keep in touch. And keep writing, eh?

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Review of I'm Watching You  
Review by TJ
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello again, CJ! There sure seem to be a lot of your writings appearing lately in the Read and Review! You got some kinda supernatural control thingy happening? Anyway, this is the second poem of yours I've read in as many days. And somehow, I felt like I had no choice. It was as if there was some ... thing, compelling me to read it. Hmmm. Strange.

I loved it, by the way.
14
14
Review by TJ
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi. Methinks we may have a winner here for this month's contest! I enjoyed your compacted tale very much. I know how tricky it is condensing a story into 100 words or less, as I've dabbled in the Drabble meself. Which makes me qualified enough to say, "Well Done!" to you, sir!

Also, Good Luck, eh?
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Review of The Dream  
Review by TJ
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello. : ) I just found this poem in the Read and Review thingy. I'm just a newbie here, and I don't do detailed technical reviews. I ain't qualified to, for one thing. But what I do do, is write n' tell folks when I like what they've written.

Therefore n' to wit: I really like this poem! I think the story is very interesting and found the meter easy-to-read. I also love the Trijan Refrain form! It almost sounded like a song in my head. I prefer the old traditional form when I'm writing. But I may also give this one a try someday.

Anyways ... Very Nicely Done! Keep writing, eh? : )
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Review of The Witchy Cat  
Review by TJ
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
As a cat lover, I also love your Witchy Cat! Great job!
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17
Review by TJ
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello, eh? TJ here. I'm just a newbie and a novice at writing. Ergo, I wouldn't presume to point out all the technical flaws I think I may have noticed in this piece. Even if I noticed any. Which I didn't.

So, all I'm gonna say is your story grabbed my attention right away, and held me totally absorbed the whole way through. What I mean is, I loved it! This is the kinda stuff I wish I could write. But I ain't quite there yet. I'm learning though, by reading excellent pieces such as this.

Thanks for the lesson, eh? See you around. : )
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Review of The Coin  
Review by TJ
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey there, CJ! TJ here : ) Just been cruising around the forum n' reading stuff. And as it happened, I happened upon this little gem of yours! What a great story with a disturbing ending that caught me by surprise! But it was a good surprise, because my favorite genre, after comedy, is the dark n' macabre stuff.

I like to write poetry too. But I'm only a beginner (at 67 years old). A nice young lady who's a better poet than I am, gave me a little friendly critique in a review a while back about something she thought I might wanna change. And that was, that I was over-punctuating.

Things like, periods after each line. She told me in poetry, they ain't necessary. Also, she said there's no need to capitalize the first letter of each line. Unless it obviously begins a new sentence. Additionally, she said to go easy on the exclamation marks and commas, if they don't really need to be used.

So I'm respectfully passing this advice along to you.

Other n' that, I think this is a great little ditty! Well done!

PS: In stanza #5, I'd lose the word "And" in the first line. It throws the meter off. See you around, eh?

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Review of Difference  
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hope, I ain't no 'professional' reviewer of nothin'. Ergo, be forwarned, eh?

In my opinion as a writer of (goofy) poetry, I found your poem a most enjoyable read! The words flow goodly n' the message is a positive one. I see no reason whatsoever to not give you a five star rating! Well done, way to go and Keep On Writing, eh?
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Review of Who Do Voodoo?  
Review by TJ
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Great little read! Very enjoyable. Well done, Angus! Ya know, I've NEVER trusted anyone named, "Amado" :(
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Review of Jane  
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi! Full disclosure: I am not a writer, but a 67 year-old feller who is trying to polish up whatever skills he does have. I've been here a couple of months, and have met some really great folks who are much better qualified to give reviews than I am.

Having said that, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this wonderfully inspirational story! And you told it very, very well! Through your narrative, I was able to clearly picture Tim and Jane, as they went about their interactions with you. Also, I thought the word-flow was smooth and easy to read. In my opinion, you possess an amazing raw talent for story-telling, that just needs a little polishing up - like my stuff does. Except I'm not as good a writer as you.

The only negative thing these unqualified eyes spotted was, you don't capitalize a lot of your I's, when used in the first-person, singular. But that's all the negative critique you're going to get from me. Anything else, I'll leave to the experts.

Keep on writing, eh? And do what you can to take advantage of this wonderful site, and the great people in it. Hope to see you out there! Bye for now.

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Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Oh, WOW! Now THIS is what I call POETRY! Even though it don't rhyme so good (I'd work on that) ; ) ... Nevertheless, while reading this, I was able to picture everything so clearly in my mind. The word flow is smooth as glass, with Crown Royal® inside, and a blithering pleasure to read. Thanks for the lesson, eh? : )
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Review of The Sniper  
Review by TJ
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Excellent! Hilarious! Creative! Enjoyable! ... Very Short!

Angus, I dunno whether or not I've FAN'd you or any of your writings yet. But I should have. Ergo, if I haven't, then I'm gonna. As soon as I've finished writing this review, I mean. Cuz everything I've read of what you've writ, I've enjoyed it very much. At least, I think it was your stuff. But now that I think about it, mebbe it wasn't? I can't remember. Is that 250 characters yet? Oh yeah ... way over, as a matter of fact! Okay, I'm done.

Seriously buddy, everything I just wrote above is the honest truth. Probably. Did I mention I loved this story? Not only funny, but accomplished with so few words. I know how tricky that can be ... takes a lotta thought n' effort. Great job! You sir, are an artist of the highest calibre!

And I mean that sincerely ... whoever you are!

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Review of Cupcake  
Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great little read! I enjoyed it very much. Have to admit, I didn't see the twist ending coming! Very funny!

The dialogue is smoothly-written and believable. I see no spelling or punctuation errors. Not that it would be a big deal if I did, because I'm just a newbie anyway. But for what it's worth, I say, "Bravo! Well done! And keep writing!" : )


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Review by TJ
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello. I absolutely loved this heartwarming story! Me n' the missus are animal lovers too! Especially cats! Indeed, we share your respect for all living creatures, and believe they have the same right to their life on this planet, as we humans do.

I'm reminded by your story, that I have more than a few times, rescued a bee or wasp from certain doom from drowning in our bird bath, using a leaf from the nearby catnip plant. Inside the house, I'll always find some way to relocate back outdoors, rather than kill, whatever creepy-crawlies I may meet up with.

But back to your review: Where was I? Oh yes ... I LOVED your story! Grammatically speaking, I found it to be very well-written, with an easy-to-read word flow. I spotted no punctuation or spelling issues. Except you missed an "o" in the word "too", in the very last sentence. However, I'm willing to overlook this major blunder. But just this once! ; )

Thanks for writing this very nice piece, eh? It's been my pleasure to read it. :)





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