*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tracker1948
Review Requests: ON
425 Public Reviews Given
431 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Overall impression, likes, suggestions, positive closing. I am honored to do reviews upon request, usually on the first day 2023 Quill Winner
I'm good at...
...emphasizing positive things in addition to at least one suggestion2023 Quill Winner
Favorite Genres
Biography, short stories, all styles of poetry.
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, Dark because I am not fond of voluntarily being scared.
Favorite Item Types
True stories and experiences
Least Favorite Item Types
Anything that scares me
I will not review...
I will review anything. I have reviewed books, however, they take a lot of time, the turnaround is longer than 3 days.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
for entry "~ Habit Building ~
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group*SuitHeart*
Hi Ruwth,

I followed the link to your piece "Building Better Habits." I have some thoughts about it. These are only one person's opinions I hope you will find them useful.

Overall impression: I am thrilled to see how you organize your monthly goals at Habit Heroes. Color coding and using bold print for visuals make it easy to gauge your progress. I see how many times you check in and how often you meet your goals for the month.

I liked the way you listed your goals here, along with the reasons why you needed to be successful. The entire piece appears to be written without any mechanical issues. That makes for a good reading experience for me! Thanks!

One recommendation is to run your goals by the SMART goal-setting test. Goals should be specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, and time-bound.

You did a great job organizing and explaining the system you use to document your desired habits. I wish the best of luck to you in forming important individual habits.

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

DWG Autumn Sig


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of It's a New Day  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group*SuitHeart*

Hi Kenzie,

What a heartfelt, honest, and amazing accounting of where you have been and where you are now and for your future. Your contributions to your community, and church, and sharing your craft prowess are all tributes to the life to date of an awesome and awe-inspiring woman. I have second hand knowledge of fibro from my BFF and my daughter having it. I have first hand knowledge of breast cancer being a survivor since 1998.

My overall impression of how you write is more positive than I have words to express. Your knowledge, style, and expertise is superior. The high number of reviews on the pieces I have read so far are proof positive I am not the only one who feels this way. Nary a comma nor apostrophe out of place, it was a pleasure to read and not be stopped by a misstep.

Thank you for sharing your letter. I think friends and family believe they know what you are going through, but really, in my humble opinion, one can never know unless they have walked in your shoes. Let me know if you have any questions about the similar things I, too, have experienced. What a joy it is for me to read a gifted writer like you are.

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Made by Hanna


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Kenzie,

I got here by way of the DWG disABILITY Writers Group. A big welcome is coming but first, your blog jumped out. Blogs are personal things that I feel privileged to read. Your entry Texas Sunrise gives the promise that I thought only rainbows provided. My son recently moved to Northlake, Texas. Supposedly if I say the name of that town, everyone in Texas should know where it is. I mention it because the sky photos my daughter-in-law posts are almost surreal. I am on my way to review your "It's a New Day." Thank you for writing in and sharing your life in your blog. I will be back!

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Made by Hanna
4
4
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Jake,

Your poem "I Saw My Father Die" appeared on the right panel BY ONLINE AUTHORS. I think reviewing a five-line poem is challenging. Here are my thoughts, solely my own, which I hope will resonate with you.

I appreciate the explanation you provided of a double cinquain. First, I read your poem. After that, I took the liberty to look a little further online to see if there were any other guidelines. I read a few examples to increase my understanding. I read your poem a second time. It is structured correctly. Your senses at the time must have been on high alert. "I sensed his soul departing" was a powerful statement. I belief that literally is what happens to us and happened to your father. I take great solace in that feeling.

It was enlightening that you could tell a complete story in so few words. The haiku sounds almost like one has the hiccups where this new form results in a smooth flow from start to finish. There is a beginning as you saw him, then the body with the sensation of his soul leaving, and the end, as all of our stories will one day end in the death of our body alone.

I believe you knew death through the experience and expressed it clearly. I am glad I learned a poetry form, as well as the telling of your first hand account of what the process showed you. I am happy to see you writing new poems frequently in new styles. I am amazed at the endless amount of poetry styles in existence. Thanks for your poem.

Write on!
tracker

GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Made by Hanna


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of No Closure  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group*SuitHeart*

Hi Moon Childe,

Your story "No Closure" came up on Read & Review. I have a few thoughts to share with you which I hope you will find useful.

Overall impression: I had a terrific first impression. The title matched the story, as did the genres you chose. The text size is nice and large which will help more people read it. The story flowed well from the death to the funeral and finally, I got closure reading the ending.

A few things to bring to your attention. "Alex began to cry to." The word to should be too. "As her understanding of what was happening had grown so had." Place a comma after grown. "Alex never found that she couldn’t forgive them." Confusing double negative? Do you mean Alex never forgave her parents?

Congratulations on the perfect presentation, organized chain of events, and showing how a seven-year-old is grown up enough to attend a funeral. It sounds like their daughter was very ready to handle a funeral. I enjoyed your story, your writing, and your attention to details. Great job!

Write on!

tracker
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group*SuitHeart*

Hi John,

Thank you for requesting me to review your short story, "Trouble At The Store." You are looking in particular for feedback about the fight scene. The following are my opinions alone and I hope you will find them useful.

My first impression of the overall story was positive. You have a nice balance of paragraphs with many of them to break up the story. It is the best way for your reader to process each step, especially when you have a good character and their nemesis. The common event of a woman being targeted for a crime like the one in your story was different because of where it occurred.

Your fight scene had plenty of action and suspense which kept me engaged. I was guessing who was the stronger fighter which was very good. It seemed like our good guy would win part way through. There are a couple of things that may make it better. It is the way your sentence are structured. You are telling the reader blow by blow exactly what is happening. You may want to leave something up to the imagination. For examle, when the fists came out, you may say just that. The reader can then imagine what that is like without saying a speedy fist approached the face. The emphasis may be better on the action. Something like, before he could react, a fist to the left jaw jarred him for a few seconds. "May that guy sure carries a great left hook." Or something to that effect.

I might add that you need to proof read the piece and read it out loud. There are several actions in each paragraph and the number of them is a lot to take in. You want to use active words leave out "that" and "wich" that make the words after that less important.

I would love to see you revise the story to be more active. I will help you with phrasing or anything else you would like so we can make it a learning experience. I am available to help. Email me if you would like. There are no gift points necessary for additional help. I think most of the parts of the scenes will be fine with some tweaking.

Thanks again for the request and gift points. Reviewing is my number one focus here. I hope you can relate to and use the suggestions. As always, I encourage you to write on!

tracker
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of The Final Goodbye  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group*SuitHeart*

Hello, Donna,

I saw your story "The Final Goodbye" in the recently plugged items at "The Hub." I like to read true stories of people going through life's experiences. Some stories are light and humorous. Yours is sad but hopeful as your dad came back to reassure you he thought to say goodbye letting you know he was okay.

Overall impression: I liked your narrative which was written chronologically which I appreciate to follow the chain of events. You shared with affection your husband and son. Your story is complete with all the elements of a great short story. The first sentence hook revealed he had recurring heart trouble. I was interested in whether he would come home or be in the hospital if the worst happened. I was invested in his life and his relationships within the family.

My favorite part was your son feeling the "breeze" when no air was moving inside the car. Being the "Apple of Pop Pop's eye" made the loss all the more poignant. When he came back to say goodbye to Jeffrey, and told him he loved him is when I got an emotional response to the story.

Your writing is flawless. It increases the satisfaction of reading a story. Your grief is being brought to the surface this week. I am sorry you lost your father so suddenly. As a grandparent, I am glad he had the chance to know his grandson. I am sure that was one of the high points of his life. You have many stories I have yet to read. Thank you for this and the other pieces. Kudos to you!

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-
8
8
Review of Remembering You  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group*SuitHeart*

intuey,

I followed the link on the Newsfeed to your poem "Remembering You." I read it and have some thoughts to share with you. I hope you find them useful.

Overall impression: Your remembrance poem for your grandson Brandon is poignant using expressive words for the reader to get a glimpse of the wonderful person he was. It has a consistent rhyming scheme which had to be difficult, but paid off as it made it a pleasant experience. The presentation of the poem is fabulous with a unique font style that is large for easy reading.

There are no mechanical issues which sets it apart from the rest.

My favorite line is "I scour the stars for your smiling face." What a strong verb which you don't see much. Thank you for writing about Brandon. I feel like I know him. Providing his picture was wonderful of you. I see a hint of that smile you refer to.

Write on!

tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2016442 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello Kenny B,

Welcome to WDC! Reading and reviewing each other's work is the main focus of our community. I am happy to see you have written a number of entries. You have received some reviews also which is wonderful. Thank you for requesting a review of "My Fun Time Today, Saturday May 18, 2024." The opinions are mine alone and I hope they will be helpful to you.

Overall impression: This is a story about a wonderful day in your life. The day's events were covered and all seemed sincere. The setting was real and all the people you interacted with were genuine. I found the topic of how the kids you babysit act unique.

For my reviews, I look at the presentation. My concern here is the spacing. There needs to be a double space between paragraphs. The reader needs time to absorb what has happened. The piece seems to have been written quickly, possibly a cause for many typos. Reading what you wrote out loud may have caught the errors. One thing that needs correction is in the title. There should be a comma after Saturday. I know it sounds picky, but these may be things you are not aware of.

Thank you for sharing your experience and the question you had about what is the appropriate process with children, especially young girls, in the process of hanging out. to sit on your lap. In most cases, I don't think it is a good idea, regardless of how the parents feel. Good luck with publishing your book and keep your writings coming!

Write on!

tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
{bit


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review of Easy  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Boat2*    Welcome to WdC from the "Newbie Welcome Wagon*Boat2*


Hello Anya,

Welcome to WDC, our abbreviation for our site. Your description of why you are here is similar to many of us. What you write is as important to us as it is to you. One of the main focuses here is to read and review each other's work. Your personal, emotional letter came up for review on the Read A Newbie page. You are referred to as a Newbie, or new member for the first year you are here.

Overall impression: Your piece is a personal and emotional memo to yourself to remind you about why you are with this person. The things the person has done to earn your respect are apparent. In a few words you have conveyed deep feelings which appear evident to the reader as well. I think your writing is well-organized and expressive. Each thing, no matter how small, is detailed here. I felt the depth of your emotions and moving a reader to feel like that is a gift of good writing.

A word about a couple of things. Your first word "Its" should be It's.
The way you "begun to recognize" should be began. "For example moving a centerpiece" should have a comma after example. All in all, a second edit never hurts to catch things.

I appreciate you writing about something deeply personal in "Easy." I felt privileged to be one of the first to read your work. Looking forward to more.

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review of Alone  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group*SuitHeart*

Hi foxtale,

I see your poem "Alone" on my request list. I am reviewing it now with some of my own thoughts. It is a short poem with such pathos. I got emotional thinking about being alone. I understand the idea that one suffers pain alone. It may be for more reasons than isolating or getting lost in a crowd. It seems with such emotion between the lines you were feeling some discomfort at the time. You've been somewhat enigmatic here so I am putting my own interpretation into it.

The freeform style was beautifully presented with the lines 2,4,6,8 being indented more than the average indent. It was appealing and unique which I liked a lot. I think capitalizing the words Forever and Suffers got the message through, at least in my view. Thanks for sharing a change of pace poem from you. I was happy to come back to wander around your portfolio and review your work. Thanks and have a wonderful rest of your weekend.

Take care!

Write on!
tracker {/4}
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
for entry "~In Jesus' Name~
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello ruwth,

I followed the link you provided in your entry to "~`In Jesus' Name~" because the subject matter was of great interest to me.

Initially, I was concerned with the trigger warning which is in the tiniest of print and in a bright orange which both drew attention but made it difficult to read. I would have left it in black and at least the same size as the entry.

Now that I got that out of the way, on to the content. You said it was not the entry the way you had intended. For me, however, it was a very good choice to talk about your scripture passage when you were young because that rolled right into the story of the hitchhiker. I think saying it out loud for your attacker was Jesus nudging you to do so. It was a miracle.

I am sorry for what you went through because of the physical beating you took and the mental trauma which has continued to present itself as PTSD. Your testimony is strong and compelling. It is rewarding to see the power of prayer manifest miracles even in the worst of circumstances.

One correction I would like to mention is in the sentence starting with "I prayed aloud:" The quotation mark mid sentence is quoting a quote within a quote. A single quotation mark is used at the start and end of the Bible quote. My opinion is due to the content, even with a trigger warning, there should be at least a 13+ rating.

Thank you for having the courage to write down the details of your living nightmare. A reminder not to pick up hitchhikers is valuable. We all know what we know is the right thing to do, but circumstances urge us to make choices that go against what we know. Your writing brings out strong emotions in me. As I read I am thinking there but for the grace of God go I. But, that infers insensitivity to you. I am on the side of "What would Jesus Do?" There are other entries to read linked from your piece about where you are going to go from here. I could spend a month reading all you have written at WDC and not have finished. I set a goal to read more.

Write on!

tracker
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Made by Hanna


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
image for pet Day raid


Hi Mary Ann,

I am doing the SPR Raid today. What a delightful little poem, "Sylvester Is a Smart Cat." It is just as difficult to create a short one like this as a longer poem. You followed a nice pattern. It was fun to read out loud with the rhyme light and happy. I could picture Sylvester in my mind who was a clever one to open a window. I had a cat who opened a locked door.

I would like you to take a look at the genres. You have the opportunity to select three of them. It is good to do because if people are looking to read a story about someone's cat they would select "pets" or "animals." "Other" is not one people would check out. Also, with specific genres you piece can be selected as an editor's pick or something a person might read and like as much to nominate it for a quill.

I am content with selecting this poem to review. You have a nice writing style. I wish for you a pleasant evening.

Write on!
tracker
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

Image #2034185 over display limit. -?-



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ruwth,

Thank you for telling me about your story, "A Horsewoman In My Dreams..." I read your story and have a few thoughts. I hope they are useful.

True stories are one of my favorites. It sounds like your foster experience was okay with foster sisters who cared about you enough to help you when you got into difficulty. Each interaction with a horse was fun to read. My first time on a horse was in Yosemite National Park. After a tame ride of a couple of hours, my legs were sore for a week!

The presentation of your story was pleasant with a nice soothing font color and easy to read text size. I also liked the paragraphs formed with a few sentences in each one. The last sentence confused me somewhat. Stating you were a horsewoman in your dreams made the experiences you wrote about not clear if they were real or just in your dreams. Thank you for the extra treat of the trinket to collect.

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-
15
15
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Anya,
First, welcome to WdC, the way we abbreviate our site address. Your first entry appeared in items written by people new to the site. I read "Partial Confession" and related to the frustrating event of being unable to fall sleep with something lying heavily on your mind or heart. You noted the genre is poetry, free verse the style. The genre choices are to make your item visible to readers looking to read works in their favorite genre. They direct newsletter editors to select specific types of items to recommend as editor's picks. You may choose 3 altogether. I suggest adding "personal: and "psychological." My favorite line starts with "My mind begins to start a track race..." Nice metaphor. Congratulations on your first entry. If you have any questions about how to do things, just ask.

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-
16
16
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello and thank you for this wonderfully relaxing story. It felt like a good day to email the boss saying you needed to take the rest of the day off! A good excuse is to say it is for "personal" reasons. These opinions I provide are mine alone all of which I hope will be useful to you.

The album by the Moody Blues covered music from dawn until night. They gave a unique sound. Your descriptions were full of imagery, like a "Kite flying day." It was left to my imagination to picture the breeze watching the "Powder puffs" in the sky. Good job creating a framework of peace and tranquility.

One area you may want to look at is in this sentence: "This too shall pass my father always told every time I got into trouble." There needs to be an object of the telling. Otherwise you could say "Father always said every time..."

I enjoyed reading your story. Keep up the great work!

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie


Hello Victoria,

Congratulations on your 22nd WDC Anniversary. That is amazing! Here is an anniversary review of "Diana: One Woman for the World." The opinions I express are mine alone. I hope they resonate with you.

Overall impression: I loved Princess Diana. I read Morton's book, magazine articles, and anything else I could find. I find the monarchy unrivaled by anything out there. I related to your essay. I was watching television at the late hour's announcement and hours thereafter with story after story about her life and more relevant to me, the things she was able to accomplish because of her position in the Royal family. My overall impression is the piece is well done. You used chronology which made one thought move effortlessly to the next. The narrative was fact-giving for the most part.

I was thinking about the genre opinion. I did not see opinions. Rather, I saw the piece as relaying true facts, not how you felt about them. The final words explained your lasting impression of one who died too young. You might want to expand a little on "Diana had many charities," and "And she loved to dress." I understood what you meant, but would have liked to know a ew o the charities she supported. She liked to dress in fine clothes.

Thanks for this reminder of the tragedy that affected people around the world.

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie

Hello Leslie Loo,

Thank you for your review request. I noticed your second WDC anniversary was just a few days ago. Congratulations! It is a wonderful place to hang out. I read and will review "The Land of Mirrors: Part 1" giving you my views. They are my opinions alone which I hope you find useful.

Overall impression: I immediately look at the genres to prepare the type of story I read. I was engaged from the introduction of the main character's name alone. The hook is the most important part of the story. The plot had a unique way of crossing into another dimension. I relate as I have a friend whose job is like Cash's. She also complained about swollen feet from standing her whole shift.

I liked part one of your series a lot. It has all the elements of a great story beginning with the opening hook. The dialogue was well-balanced to give the reader more information about things as they happened. Freezing time, while she is in the magical place, was a clever technique. The ending left me wanting more; the ultimate sign of a great story.

Here are a couple of things to work on. The text size is small and hard to read. I recommend size 4. The story would have more punch by restructuring sentences to be more active. For example, "The coldness in the room engulfed her, making her wish she’d brought a jacket" could be, "Cash shivered, chastising herself for failing to grab her jacket to ward off the typical chill in the store." You mentioned the store was vacant followed by "hardly anyone entered the dressing room." If the store was vacant, no one would be in the rooms.
Let me know if you make revisions so I may read it again. I was honored to review your story and thank you for the generous gift points. I see opportunities to set your serial above the rest, so have rated it 4.5 stars. It was fun to read. Again, Happy 2nd Anniversary!

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.

GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review of My First Poem  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello MayDay,

I came back to look around your portfolio. As a member of the disABILITY Writers Group, I want to read and review for you. I picked your poem "My First Poem." Here are some thoughts I have to share. They are just one person's opinions which I hope that you will find useful.

Overall impression: I like biographical pieces so the genre "personal" appealed to me. I liked the rhyme of the first two lines. Those opening two lines engaged my attention. The distress you were feeling is something I can relate to. Aesthetically, the poem looked okay. It may look more appealing centering it. I am sorry you felt so down you wanted to run from the unsetting part of your life. Sleep deprivation may bring out negative feelings.

I liked your poem. I see you have an interactive piece. Time permitting, I will come back and read it. I have fan'd you as a friend.

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review by tracker
Rated: E | (5.0)
Anniversary Reviews email siggie
Hello Finder101,

Happy 1st WdC Anniversary. Nice to meet you. In honor of your special day, I am reviewing your poem 50th High School Reunion. These are my opinions alone, which I hope will resonate well with you.

Overall Impression: Presentation is as important for me as the poem itself. I was thrilled at the large font. Those of us with eye problems keep silent at the tiny default prompt. The bold test was icing on the cake. I checked right away to ascertain it was a true story. Only then did I begin to read.

What I liked: Beyond the beautiful presentation, the message was universal for what I imagine it is like for all of us who have had a 50th reunion. Your free verse poem pointed out right up top that things are a matter of perspective. I liked the visual of the "saggy bulldog face."

The mechanics of your poem are perfect. The ease of reading was in your storytelling. Writing in the first person works well, allowing the reader to feel your strong feeling of what could have been.

Congratulations on your anniversary and kudos to you for a poem I related to. (Class of 1966}.

Write on!

tracker

GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-

*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group*SuitHeart*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review of Curiosity  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)

*CakeB* HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews*CakeP*


Hello Zeke,

In recognition of your 17th WdC Anniversary, I am reviewing your poem "Curiosity." The description of the poem caught my attention. I am by nature as curious, or even more so than my favorite pet cat. I also want to return the favor of your reviews of my work. It is long overdue.

Overall Impression: The presentation of your poem with the bold letters and large font appealed to me because those things made it easy to read. The poem itself centered on the page was nice and symmetrical, another impressive way to pique my interest. The end rhymes were consistent and well thought out.

What I liked: Besides the things I already mentioned, the thing I liked is how your poem made me feel. Often I would like life to present itself with no problems. Even good things take effort. Your words, "Would it be boring with nothing much to share?" beckons an answer no. My thought is everything in moderation. I don't want boring, as much as I don't want chaos.

The flow could be better in the first stanza where I stumble on the word "Un-obscured" where I had to define in my head that it meant to be clear without and hitches.

Great job on a universal message for mankind to spend their time on earth engaged in things, people, or activities. Thank you for the hundreds of reviews you do for us. Happy Anniversary to you. Enjoy your day!
Write on!

tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*SuitHeart* A Review from: "Positive Hearts Reviews Group*SuitHeart*


Hi Angi,
Nice to meet you under wonderful circumstances, your request for a review of "Dream Jumper Prologue." I will tell you first that I read it twice. Once yesterday and again this evening. I will tell you why a little further in my review. These are solely my opinions and I hope they will be useful.

Overall impression: Your writing style is professional and relatable providing all the elements of a great story. I related because I kept a dream journal for a couple of years. Your hook is solid. Asking a question is sure to engage your audience. Writing in the first person is the hardest tense, yet you seem to have accomplished it effortlessly.

What I liked: I liked the hook. I was all in from the start. I like that because that is when I began to absorb the tidbits of information provided. There was so much information I decided to sleep on it. (No pun intended). Since you didn’t describe her, I could compare her views and behavior to people I know in real life.

A few phrases stood out. One is “As soon as their head hits their memory foam pillow.” I own one of those pillows. That line is closely followed with, “It’s simply good night moon for them.” I read that book to children and grandchildren. Close to the end is, “I remember every microscopic detail” which seems ordinary, yet, in this case, it is the exact word to describe how you remember your dreams.

There are no mechanical issues which pleases me. It makes for a great reading experience. One suggestion is to make the text size a little larger. People like me, awaiting cataract surgery, have a difficult time reading smaller print.

Thank you for choosing me to review the prologue to your book. Reading and reviewing each other’s work is the focus of WdC. You are a gifted writer. I can envision this book being published. Keep writing great stories like this one. I feel privileged to read and review your prologue.

Write on!

tracker
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

Image #2034185 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of James James  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Beholden,

As agreed, I am reviewing your first and favorite story “James James.” I have thoughts about your story to share. I hope they are useful and resonate with you.

Overall impression: Your writing style mirrors A.A. Milne’s. Details flourish, increasing the effectiveness of reading your story to young children. You used the role reversal where James is in charge of his mom which is right on!

Your story will resonate with children who are not happy being told what to do. That audience alone is huge. Jennifer already has the beat on ways to manipulate people. Starting with her blue eyes, she was already a rare little girl. The conversational rhetoric was a pleasure to read.

Your expository writing style, combined with the narrator staying consistent throughout, kept the opening, plot, and closing believable. Active dialogue moved the players forward to an ending made humorous by the image of a crushed flower bed. The closing is satisfying, yet leaves the door open for a follow-up story. The description that stuck with me the most was the one big blue eye staring back at James through the fence. I have blue eyes and thus, my imagination moved her up in status, giving her character more attention than I may otherwise have given.

It helped that I am a Milne fan, as are a minimum of 50 million people alone who have purchased “Winnie-the-Pooh.” I have sent you via email a copy of Milne’s signature. That would beg the question when “James James” is sent to prospective publishers, how will your signature appear?

Thank you for your story. I was invested from the first descriptive hook, likening James to be a stickler for neat and tidy, to the final alleged trampling of one flower bed. I was held captive and captivated.

Write on!
tracker
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  (E)
Join the fun! We inspire reviewers through kindness and learning! Winner of eight Quills!
#1300305 by Maryann

Image #2034185 over display limit. -?-


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Old T.V Shows  
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Intuey,

I took the TV quiz and got 100%. It was moderately easy. It made me feel good to be familiar with the shows and choose the right answer. The answers were well thought out. Some of the shows are similar, like "Bewitched" and "I Dream of Jeannie." I liked the multiple-choice format. The entire piece is mechanically flawless. The presentation is great with the size and spacing of the questions and neat boxes to check. It looks so professional that I would guess you have done this before. If you have not, this is a great one. I see you do everything with excellence. This is evident in the cover art you selected which is a console-style TV which was the kind people owned at the time these shows were broadcast.

One suggestion is about using 'other' as a genre. Exchange it for one where members can find this TV quiz. "Community" would be a good choice.

Congratulations on the great job you did creating this quiz! I give it five stars!

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.

GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-
25
25
Review by tracker
In affiliation with disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello thea marie,

For the first time in all these years at WdC, I clicked on Browse By Type and your "My Top Three Pet Peeves" appeared with other choices. The cover art on the page called attention to it. I read it nodding my head. I then looked at the one review of three stars with shock. There are no mechanical errors, the piece is written well, and the message is clear and concise. What more could a reader ask for? I needed this to be offset with a perfect five stars because it is worthy of that rating.

Overall impression: I gave a clue in my previous sentence. Pet peeves are personal, yet in most cases universal. The narrative is in the first person and should be read and respected that way. The background information at the beginning prepares the reader for what was the origin of your pet peeves.

I could name my top three which are lying, cheating, and being unkind. I dare say we all have pet peeves. Being judgmental is not helpful or constructive. You own your feelings. I respect and indeed admire someone with strong feelings.

There are no flaws whatsoever. I understand your warning below, though I would not deem it proper to download your work without your permission. I have reliable antivirus protection. The one thing I would recommend is to increase the font size for easier reading. For me, I have cataracts, which are scheduled to be removed in three weeks, causing difficulty reading small print.

I say bravo! I not only enjoyed the read but was motivated by your words to rethink my thoughts about pet peeves. I thank you for that.

Write on!
tracker

Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
GROUP
disABILITY WRITERS GROUP  (E)
Sharing, caring, helping each other to get through the days. Writing, delighting many ways
#1817507 by dogpack:saving 4 premium: DWG

Image #2056440 over display limit. -?-
259 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 11 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/tracker1948