Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/twenty1
Review Requests: OFF
7 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
When I review something, I like to observe every little detail and give my overall, honest impression of the piece of literature. UPDATE: I'm back from some kind of hiatus, so if you need something reviewed...I have returned and I am willing to review you once more.
I'm good at...
Looking for punctuation and spelling mistakes as well as giving my honest opinion on your work.
Favorite Genres
Science fiction, Action/adventure, Horror, and Mystery.
Least Favorite Genres
Favorite Item Types
Short story and Poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
I will not review...
Anything with erotica (I understand it, it just doesn't interest me.)
Public Reviews
Review of Hell in Ipsi  
Review by Johnny
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Don Dadda,

Sorry for not taking your request earlier but, school is a deceitful mistress.

Anyway, I was reading your story and in all honesty, it sounds really good and you put plenty of detail in the story(gore and all), but I do have a few suggestions:

I feel like you should take the story from third person omniscient to first person(not that anything is wrong with third person omniscient, but it would seem more interesting if you put the story in a certain character's view,in fact, you could do a first person for each character.)

You do not have to put so many indentations in your story(unless that is your style)

Besides that this is a really good story that grabs your attention and forces you to read on.

Keep on writing,

Review by Johnny
Rated: E | (4.0)
This sounds pretty good. This actually sounds more like a script to a potential movie to a good franchise but, there are some minor mistakes to correct in this piece, such as:

There has to be more of an introduction to this story(it sounds like we're in the middle of something, unless you want to do a brief flashback on how they got there in the first place.

Besides that and a few spelling errors, I truly enjoyed reading this creative pice of work.

Keep on writing,

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