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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/twowolves
Review Requests: OFF
426 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Honest and frank...period.
I'm good at...
pretending to be good at things.
Favorite Genres
emotional
Least Favorite Genres
erotica
Favorite Item Types
Poetry
Least Favorite Item Types
editorials
I will not review...
erotica of any kind. romance is one thing...sexuality is often another.
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
1
1
Review of Roses 2 My Heart  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.0)
Some grammar problems.

Into her dreams he appeared
whispering sweet words within her ear (one word within not two)

Cascade (verb: water cascades over a waterfall....drops)

Love cascades and fills the air as she slumbers to meet him there.

Standing (present tense)
Gazes (present tense)
Appeared (past tense)
Placing (present tense)

Should be:

Standing so tall and proud he gazes at her beauty
She comes nearer and from behind his back
a rose appears.
He places it forever in her heart with happy tears.

Just some thoughts. Good poem that needs a little work to smooth it.

2
2
Review of The Bitch  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.0)
Regrets are lessons learned or they are a waste of time. Guilt means you did something wrong and need to make amends ensuring you never behave that way again.

Funny how an ugly little bitch can teach you things. Good job Boots.

Stop believing in Heaven and you might make a better show of this life.

Good poem and a fun read with a sad ending.
3
3
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.0)
The sentiment is inspirational but the wording is often problematic. When all around is darkness, not a ray? (no need for comma and the grammar would be ...with not a ray. It's a statement and not a question so end with a period.)

When kith and kin and one's own family (kith and kin are friends and family so the word family at the end is redundant)

When they even forsake him readily.
If their own selfishness does so dictate
(When he is forsaken readily as their own selfishness dictates)

Appears in a manner not expected (unexpected would be correct instead of not expected)

I wonder if Man treated the very Earth beneath his feet as the giver of life, if we would be in a better off than believing in a deity that is ephemeral and a new life after this one that will be perfection. If this life was all we have and the Earth was worshipped then we'd have cleaner air, water, and land plus we'd treat this life with more respect since there wouldn't be another.

Just a thought.....decent poem that needs some work.
4
4
Review of REVENGE  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: ASR | (1.0)
You write that they have "sown hatred seeds" and this poem does exactly the same. Hate + Hate = Hate, War, Killing

It is the definition of insanity that you do the same thing over and over and hope for a different outcome.

They said the same thing about the white supremacist government of South Africa and it's Apartheid. Eventually it all fell apart and the Afrikaners were set free BUT in the aftermath the tribes began to kill each other again. SO, hate + hate = hate

When all men stop hating others THEN it may stop (if that day will ever come) but to say "Revenge pouring from a mountain cave" GUESS WHAT? That will mean someone in the West will want Revenge to pour from a mountain cave afterwards and the cycle continues. Stop spreading hate and feeling justified. You are just another part of the problem and not the solution.



5
5
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (4.0)
Sounds exactly like the house I grew up in.

Very nostalgic and a great rhyming trip down memory lane.

well done
6
6
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.5)
Some changes that are very minor but I think would improve the flow.

I wish I had never gazed into your eyes
or become so lost in those beautiful shades;
A green that captured my focus,
entranced my mind,
and the blue that shone
like the moon I pine for.


(this change keeps the poem with the narrator looking back as opposed to the jumping around of the tense from present to past)

well written and pretty....romantic and yearning....well done
7
7
Review of Glimpses of Light  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.0)
I like most of this very well but it does get confusing as it goes on. The theme of "light" becomes more a talk of "time" and I would have preferred it stay about the former. That's just an opinion of course.

The thoughts are concise and the use of grammar is well done. Some commas that are unnecessary but that's a common enough mistake since comma use is confusing to most.

You would forget all about it because nothing can, or ever will, compare to the now. (that is where the comma belongs)


well written...good thoughts

8
8
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (1.0)
There is nothing I dislike more than saying "let's get closer to God" or "let's pray" when things like this happen. IF he/she is up there.. then they don't give a rat's ass.
All we do in the name of God is kill and be killed.

This really isn't a poem so much as a Join Islam Advertisement.

Try writing something uplifting and stop preaching.
9
9
Review of After Her Death  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.5)
I'd not use the same words over and over to better the flow of this nice piece of work.

Deep in the woods
They hear a cry
A heart breaks
Somewhere inside

Once so alive
truly happy
Now broken
and dead

They think she's whole
But they fear her
blinded
because she's ill

Her mask hides her pain
protects her heart
while she acts strong

Everyone thinks that she's okay
the lie continues
keeps her secret
until finally
she lets her heart die



Just a thought and only my opinion. Well written
10
10
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.5)
The only thing I would change is the use of similar words so close together. Examples:

A new dawn rose dark and grim, his shadow an ashen spell. (replace the second dark with a synonym)

His trail marked by crimson drops, as he rode into hell.

Just a thought. My opinions only.

A good start to a tale. Well written.
11
11
Review of Fear  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.0)
A good start. There is a little too much use of the word Fear where it can be implied rather than stated.

Example: When things change, The walls build up, I fear of being hurt, of falling.

Use a synonym for the word run in the rather than the same word so close together.

like sprint, panic, or dash.

Just my opinion of course. Well written.
12
12
Review of The Lifted Veil  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.0)
Some commas where they aren't needed "textures, of your skin," with too much use of the word And for the same reason.

"Love has a face, and it is yours." might better be served as "If Love has a face, it is yours."

Just my opinion of course.

I like the the line "Beneath a moon, and a sun, we make life" the best.

This is a good start to a great love poem.

well done.
13
13
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (4.0)
Desolate and Desperate. Interesting piece of work.
People often do not see the "obvious child" as Paul Simon once named it in a song.
Or as I penned one time, it's about turning our heads so we don't see it.


Good job
14
14
Review of Butterflies  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.0)
I'd change one line "I enjoy watching them outside my window" as you then carry on in the plural anyway. Might as well keep it all in the plural.


Nice piece but I'd of liked more visual words about the colours since we're talking about one of the most beautifully hued species on the planet.

good job
15
15
Review of One Word  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.5)
Taking back your life from a tragic past is difficult. Visualizing speaking to the oppressor as you would now instead of as you were then helps somewhat. Mostly it's about forgiveness for that alone frees the forgiver more than even the forgiven.


Good piece that tells the story without a lot of words. Well done.
16
16
Review of Six Hundred Souls  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.0)
SIx hundred feeding the soil and the insects. Slowly returning to nature. As it should be. As for the the ethereal "freedom" outside their skin and bones?, well let's say if that gives the dying some comfort then let them believe it however false it may be.

This is a good start but I think it could be much more. The final part of making the Six Hundred Souls the shaft of the arrow would be better served with individual 3 word quotes of wisdom than the repeat of the same 3.

Just an honest opinion :)
17
17
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
The tornado aftermath is really something to see. I was awed and dismayed at how our stout buildings were torn asunder as if by giant's hands. This poem is well written and describes it well.



Good Job
18
18
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (2.0)
Man made God not the other way around. Why? When they had the whole world in front of them and nature was providing everything to sustain them, why did they go beyond Mother Earth for a spiritual, invisible, deity to worship that started with the sun. Fear. Fear of death most importantly. We can't just go back to the earth in our graves and that's it! We're far too important!
SO along comes religion to say yes, you are going to die and if you follow our ways, you will be reborn to live forever in a beautiful place where you will want for nothing forever and ever.

Do you know remember what it was like before you were born? No, and death is just like that. No wants forever and ever again.

That's reality. Not make-believe. How many more Holy men have to fall because they were frauds and pedophiles before folk stop putting other People on pedestals.

A provocative poem obviously but needs work. Holy soap? really? I think that something more profound could be said here.
19
19
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very ingenious way of using mathematics to make a profound statement. I like this piece for it's cleverness and the overall point of it. Good job.
20
20
Review of The Scar  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
If they saw me unclothed ...followed closely by, hidden beneath my skin...this makes the first line illogical and readers pick up on it. Not saying it's wrong but it doesn't make sense and folks reading it pick up on these things and it takes them out of the moment you are creating for them.

If they heard me speaking freely
Would they see it there?

That would be poetic, and profound but keep the following lines logical until the conclusion.


Just a thought from another writer

well done.


21
21
Review of Homage to Romance  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.5)
Lovers dancing til dawn under the moonlight. Some good imagery and a well described night scene. I think it could be expanded upon.

well written.
22
22
Review of Her  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (3.5)
First loves are often very powerful BUT usually they are further romanticized as time goes on. Until you go back home and run into them and start to wonder if they've changed or you were just younger and too infatuated to notice some things way back when. They are startlingly blaring now.



well written poem.
23
23
Review of Entanglement  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
This is clearly a case of infatuation and a mistake about to happen. Firstly, stop putting people on pedestals..they cannot live up to your high standards. When you see a person and start to "be entranced" realize that you do not see the whole picture ...yet.
How many do you know that say... after we were married it all changed. No it didn't...they were that person..but you didn't know it or give it enough time..or they hid it.

good poem well written
24
24
Review of WHAT IS LIFE?  
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (4.0)
You had me til the last verse. Good free verse style poem that asks the question what is life and then suggests it's struggle til death.

Except for the religious bit at the end.


good job
25
25
Review by Canis Lupis
Rated: E | (4.0)
Nice thoughtful romantic wistful piece of rhyming. I liked it. Few changes I'd of made but nothing critical just personal preference.

good job
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