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Review of Broken Dreams  Open in new Window.
Review by Van Author IconMail Icon
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
What an interesting concept. I would love to see where this goes. One thing that kept tripping me up, though, was the repeated use of clarification. Things like “When I say ‘woman’, I mean ‘woman’” and “Yep, that’s what I mean.” Constantly using this as a technique slows the writing down and almost made it feel diary-ish to me.
The story could also benefit from really exploring the beginning of the story. You used the word die(d) eight times in the intro but I still don’t know what happened to her. This whole idea has major potential.
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