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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/vastowen456
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11 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by vastowen456
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
This is an odd story, but a decent one nonetheless. It's entirely dialogue, so I assume that was what you were going for? A couple times, I got confused as to who was speaking and had to work it out.

On the fourth line, you missed an ending quotation mark.
"Who’s rules?'" should also have a starting quotation mark. And although "Who's" makes sense, it should be Whose. Who's is actually a contraction of "who is" or "who has."

"But, why?'" Another missed quotation mark.
"How’d you get behind me!'" should have a question mark, or both.

Other than that, good job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
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Review of Reflections  
Review by vastowen456
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is a great poem. I love it dearly. It made me think about the one I loved and lost recently, so maybe that's why it's struck me in the heart, but either way, thank you for this masterpiece.

The only thing I have to say is that maybe you should use more commas / periods in it to make it easier to read, but it might be a stylistic choice to not.

Again, thank you. I'd make a badge for you if I had more GPs.

I particularly like the latter fourth, and the ending two lines.

Thank you. Please continue writing poems.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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3
Review of The rain falls  
Review by vastowen456
Rated: E | (4.5)
I love this poem. I love the rain, and this captures the essence of it very well! Good job. There's a couple minor things I have to say, however:
"its is still there and hidden away," should probably just be "it is still there and hidden away,"
"it fills the gutters and the streets with life
it washes away the pain of life and the strife," Using "life" twice this quickly doesn't sound very good. Try replacing that word or reworking this part of the poem to only use it once!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of Anxiety  
Review by vastowen456
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really like this poem. I understand the feeling, so it speaks right to me. Good job- there's not really anything to nitpick here.
5
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Review of Deserted  
Review by vastowen456
Rated: E | (2.5)
Short and sweet. Good twist to Lucy not being a person, but a dog.

However, there's a few errors. The quotation marks weren't closed, and the word luxuriating doesn't fit where you put it. It'd also flow better if you removed "were" from the first sentence.
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