This is amazing. Honestly I do sometimes think like this. It's something, like you said, you don't realize. Like telling yourself a story in your head. For me, it's when I'm trying to sleep I close my eyes and tell myself a story. I really love it. (:
This piece was very touching. It showed everything in vivid detail. You could see how concentrated the girl was, and how interested. At the end of the piece, you could feel the emotion the little girl was feeling. At the end when she said "his Momma just died too" it leads me to believe that the little girl's mom died also. When I saw that last sentence, it touched honestly touched my heart. A little girl so loving. It shows the love between the grampa and the little girl. And clearly shows the love the little girl has.
I could see no spelling or grammar mistakes.
This is very touching and very well written.
Keep writing. You're very amazing. (:
Wow. This is truly amazing. I'm not sure but to me I think the small is in her mind, trapped, and tormented in her mind. That's what I interpreted with this piece.
I feel like the repetition of the words, and phrases, i.e. "walking, walking, walking on" and "bars, bars, always bars" add to this piece. For me it creates this tension, the tension the girl is feeling.
I cringed at some of the detail, it was very vivid. You have a very good way to describe the events as if you're almost feeling it. I imagined all of it in my mind, and I read from beginning to end hooked on every word. It all creating the built up tension that I felt.
There are some little spelling mistakes, in the beginning smal=small, dispair=despair, bergundy=burgundy, coridor=corridor, everchanging= ever changing or ever-changing, beautifull=beautiful, painfiull=painful.
I see the grammar is very well, only at the very end girls heart should be girl's heart.
These are very small and easily fixed.
This was very vivid, and emotional. I felt the tension, and saw everything clearly pictured inn my mind. This is amazing. In my interpretation, the small girl is in her own mind, in which, I personally can relate. I felt an emotional attachment to this piece. Very well written. Keep writing, I'd love to read more of your stuff. (:
This was amazing. I absolutely loved it. It was dark, and I in a way felt that while I was reading, if that makes any sense.
I'm not sure if this was on purpose but you put "Cause there's no mercy and you're be overcome," I think you meant to put you'll, but I'm not sure. I just wanted to point that out just in case.
Wow...
I in a way had a feeling that was going to happen. The story was overall amazing. Well written with a great plot and surprise ending. This story is truly amazing.
This was truly amazing. I was hooked onto the words from the beginning. The point of view was different than most people see it, however i can relate to the point of view in life you described in your story. I thought this story was amazing, and really described the point of view of some people in society, like me.
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