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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ww61
Review Requests: ON
15 Public Reviews Given
15 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review by deltablue
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Excellent start. Guess I'm next. As Lando once said, "Here goes nothing."
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Review of What We Fight For  
Review by deltablue
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
This is awesome. Loved the up close and personal view and how Olek identified with his enemy. Not to change the subject, but this is the kind of story inspired by an old song by one of my favorite rock groups, Electric Light Orchestra. It's title is Kuiama. Narrated by a soldier from a long-ago war. His troops had attacked a town and he killed the parents of a little girl. Apparently, over time, he and the girl became friends. Perhaps even lovers. And he regretted the cost of war.
Beautiful job.
Thank you for sharing.
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Review by deltablue
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is excellent. A good, positive way to inspire teachers and help them motivate students. I would suggest reformatting that last paragraph so that it looks like the others; justified rather than centered. Also would change the verb "runs" to "run" and "1900s" rather than "1900's". Other than that, this is a wonderful inspiration.
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Review of The Letter M  
Review by deltablue
Rated: E | (5.0)
Mmmm. Very nice. Thank you for sharing.
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Review by deltablue
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is excellent. I hope more people get to read it. Thank you for sharing.
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Review of Pen or Keyboard?  
Review by deltablue
Rated: E | (5.0)
Do people still write on paper? I can't even keep pens handy.
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Review by deltablue
Rated: E | (4.5)
When I was a child, I thought a monster was some creature that could have any of a million forms, whose sole purpose was to terrorize children and kill adults. But in reality, a monster is anyone who hurts others for sport.
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Review of Excerpt  
Review by deltablue
Rated: E | (3.5)
The main thing I see here is the need for punctuation. A few commas and periods will help. It might work better if you introduce Anne in the second paragraph before she speaks. Otherwise, I think Baba is talking. Could use a little prose, too. What is the narrator thinking? Feeling? Perhaps a sentence or two describing what the narrator knows about the school and what it's so dreadful. Maybe even a little description about Baba and Anne, too.
Good luck.
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Review of Bayou House  
Review by deltablue
Rated: E | (3.5)
Nice. Definitely engaging. I do have a few suggestions.
The last sentence of the first paragraph has some weird syntax. It looks like you have a couple words that don't belong, possibly where other words should be.
Work on grammar and punctuation throughout.
Then where the mom's story gets intense, you have "raping" paper where I'm sure you meant "rapping." A little proofreading would have fixed that.
Despite the mechanical problems, I like this. Keep it up.
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Review of So Far Away  
Review by deltablue
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very good. Uplifting.
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