by Being Diane
A letter which explains how strong first love can be. A letter to my ex-husband.
Do you remember much we loved each other? An old friend stopped to talk to me last night and conversed about how she could not believe we divorced. I can’t believe that it was 35 years ago and still people remember us as a couple. I suppose it was as much a shock to us as to our friends. We were lucky to have shared a passionate love affair. Some people wait a lifetime for a love like ours; only to be disappointed because it didn't happen.
I fell in love with you at first sight. Most people do not believe in that kind of love but it happened to me. I saw you from a distance while I was introducing myself to your sister. She was so surprise that I had never seen a cow before; since you lived on a farm and I was a city girl, everything was new to me. You had just come home from work and at 15, what a man you were. My heart has not felt the same since.
I was just a baby, 14 years old! I fell in love with you and the Alabama countryside. The green pines, mountains, and dirt roads called me from the city many days. I was determined my youth would not stand in the way and one day I felt you would feel the same way about me.
The summer I turned 15 you fell in love with me. I was so thrilled. It is hard to believe our long distance relationship survived. The love letters you wrote were beautiful and Mom still has the letters. Remember when I wrote, "Freddie, do you really love me?" You wrote back a letter and attached a piece of paper where you wrote "I love you" one-hundred times.
Freddie, you were the nucleus of my existence. My purpose lived with your every breath. Without you, I felt life would not be worth living. I knew you loved me just as much. Soon you proved to me how much, in December of 1970, when you purchased a Promise Ring. The ring meant that we promised each other we would marry one day. When I went back to Detroit, I would sit and look at the ring, for hours at a time, the small diamond glittering in the sunlight.
Finally I moved to the south in the summer of 1972. Soon our love turned into an unmeasureable existence. When you would look at me nude and welcoming I never felt so comfortable in my own skin. We felt as if we could not get close enough to each other even while making love we wanted more. Our song was "We've Only Just Begun to Live" by the Carpenters and oh, how we lived, each moment to the fullest.
In December, we married. I wore a beautiful, long, lavender GUNNESAX Victorian dress, fit for a queen or at least, for the Hippies of that timeline. I had flowers in my raven black hair. You were handsome with long chestnut brown hair, bright blue eyes, and dressed in a suit. Eventually we headed to our new home, without heat, laying on the living room floor, with a quilt, our bodies used as pillows, and made love as if it was the first time. Now so in love with our lovemaking lasting into the wee hours of the morning. We did not need heat, our love kept us warm.
Above all this type of love only occurs once in a lifetime. We could have lived in a cave and I could have been satisfied with just you, nature and one more day of love. It's funny, when you are young, you think time will go on forever.
Time past forward and our love just could not last. Jealous minds, wandering eys, partying nights, and the want for more experience soon left us wondering if we were too young. There were so many words said which couldn't be brought back. Those words cut us both to the bone but continuing the hurt seemed like the thing to do. You didn't want me to drive and no school for me. I felt like you were trying to be the Father I never had and I rebelled. I was old enough to be free so divorce, I felt, was the only way.
I think the divorced hurt us both but we had to go on with our lives, our freedom. I know we both questioned what we did years ago to a love that was next to the best we had but we have to remember those things happen.
Moreover, I wanted to let you know how good it makes me feel when you recite my address after 32 years. How you still remember my phone number. Equally important, is you welcoming my daughter, Kim, like she was your own. When you told me I should be a writer considering all the love letters we wrote. Some of my finest moments were my years with you. When I think of my youth, it's you that I picture in my mind.
As I close this letter I just want you to know, Freddie, you will always hold a special place in my heart. We taught each other the ways of the world. So young, just living for the moment. The important thing to remember is some people walk this earth never having experienced a love like ours. It is that quote we can draw strength from our love. We are blessed.