The 1st part of a children's book Im writting. Any feedback would be appreciated.
|Once upon a time, in a little old forest there lived a little old lady. She lived in a little old house, and had a little old donkey. Every morning she would go out into her little old garden and sweep the little old path that led up to her house. Then she would feed her little old donkey, who would shake his head excitedly. In her little old garden she had the most beautiful and most colorful flowers in the entire country. And once every Spring, she would take her best flowers to the Market in town. The town was a long way away from the little old forest she lived in, so she would pack her lunch and load everything onto her little old donkey.
One early spring morning the little old lady went out into her garden, but to her shock the beautiful flowers that she had been growing all year were gone. The little old lady was very upset, she wanted to cry but instead she decided to find out who took all her flowers. She went to her donkey and asked 'Do you know who took all my flowers?' The donkey shook his head sadly. The little old lady then went to the very end of the garden, where the gnomes lived. The gnomes loved the little old lady because she was always kind to them and would knit warm jumpers for them to wear during the cold winters. The little old lady asked the gnomes if they knew who had taken her flowers. The gnomes shrugged their shoulders and shook their heads. They had been visiting the fairies that night and hadn't been in the garden. The little old lady was even more upset now. Would she ever find out who took her flowers? She got up and started walking towards her little old house. She wouldn't be able to go to the market this year, as she had no flowers to sell. She thought of all the little children who loved seeing her beautiful flowers. They would be so disappointed.
Suddenly, a large white owl swooped down and landed in front of the old lady. In its beak it had a little green and purple hat. The owl placed it on the ground, then it reached under its large white wing and pulled out something small and bright pink. The little old lady looked at it closely, and then exclaimed ' This is a petal from one of my flowers! And this hat... this hat belongs to that sneaky little elf, Mistletoe!’ The owl hooted in excitement then flew off home. The little old lady may have been old, but she was not foolish. She knew that it must have been the little elf who took her flowers. She had often seen him lurking around the edges of her garden, looking enviously at her flowers. 'Well' she thought ' I will have to teach this naughty little elf a lesson'.
The little gnomes, who had seen the owl, come with the hat and petal, watched the little old lady curiously. She went into her little old house and a few moments later reappeared carrying a pot with the most amazing flower in it. The gnomes had never seen this flower before. Its petals were orange and purple and pink and it had light blue leaves which shimmered in the sun. The gnomes gathered round it in awe. The little old lady then spoke to them, she said 'I have to teach that naughty little elf a lesson, will you help me?' The gnomes looked at each other in fear. They were afraid of the elf, Mistletoe. He would always come and scare them at night. But they loved the little old lady too, and after discussing it amongst themselves they agreed to help her. The little old lady asked them if they could dig two holes in the ground and fill one with mud and worms, then cover it up with twigs and grass. The gnomes set to work at once. The little old lady then went to her donkey. She asked her donkey if that night he could sleep behind the gate leading out of her garden. The donkey agreed and went outside to sleep. While the gnomes were busy digging the holes, the little old lady went out into the forest to look for the great white owl who had helped her find out who stole her flowers. He was sleeping in the Great Old Wobbly Oak tree in the middle of the forest. She called out to him and said ' Hello Owl, Thank you for telling me who it was who stole my flowers. Would you be able to help me once more? I am going to teach that naughty little elf a lesson but I need lots of feathers.' The owl looked at her sternly. He didn't like being awake during the day, as he would be up all night hunting for food. But he too loved the old lady, she had looked after him all winter, when he had been hurt whilst flying in a rough storm. The owl hooted softly and flew down to her and nibbled at her ears. He would find as many feathers as he could. Then he flew off into the dark forest.
The little old lady then walked down into the dark valley where all the spiders lived. Spiders are very shy creatures and hide in dark and damp places. The little old lady had to look very hard to find a spider, but eventually she found a small little spider hiding under the leaves in a blackberry bush. The small spider trembled and tried to run away, but the little old lady caught it and placed it gently in a jar. Then she said to it ‘Dear little spider, I do not want to hurt you. I need to ask you a favor. Last night the naughty little elf, Mistletoe, came into my garden and stole all my beautiful flowers. I am going to teach him a lesson, can you help me?’ The little spider thought about this for a moment. She knew of the naughty little elf the little old lady was talking about. He would always come down into the valley and break all the webs that the spiders had been so carefully making with an old stick. The little spider agreed to help, and returned with the little old lady back to her house.
On the way back, however, they came across a little fairy who was sitting on a toadstool with her head in her hands. She was crying and clutching an empty bag. The little old lady knelt down and gently handed the little fairy a little tissue. The fairy took it and blew her nose loudly, then started to cry again. ‘Oh, little fairy why do you cry?’ the little old lady asked. The fairy explained how she had been on her way to the market to sell her magical blue fairy dust, When she sat down on this toadstool to have lunch. A little elf wearing a green and purple jumper suddenly and asked her if he could have some food. He looked hungry and cold so the little fairy given him some fairy bread, but instead of taking what she had given him, he had gobbled down all her food and ran off into the forest. The little old lady knew that the little fairy had met the same elf who had stolen all her flowers and told the fairy what had happened to her. She asked the little fairy if she would help her teach the naughty elf a lesson. The little fairy got very excited when she heard this and agreed to help.
--- well that's all I have for now. Im unsure if its too long or too complicated. my target audiance is children aged around 5-7 years. this is my first story - so your feedback is muchly appreciated.