What is that sudden inspiration that encourages you to write in the middle of the night.
|Brothers and Sisters, the Right and Reverend Dr. D is here to help you with your internal conflicts that are, even now, causing you to question yourselves and your true spirituality. Here at the Church of Righteous Communication, we help our brothers and sisters overcome the temptations placed in front of us by the wicked whose efforts are sponsored by the Evil One himself. The Evil One is subtle and devious! Can I get an Amen!
The Evil One is the sudden inspiration that encourages you to write in the middle of the night. It calls to you and cajoles you. "Come on, you can do it. You can write. You'll gather a huge audience!" The Evil One lies. Touch your neighbor and say, "The Evil One lies!"
The Doctor is here to help you rid yourselves of the Evil One's influence. I have come, my brothers and sisters, to unburden you. To relieve you of the wages of your sinful ways. Many are called to write and share their souls with the unwashed masses. Many are called brothers and sisters, but few are read. But still you write. Toiling in the night. Hiding your obsession from family and friends. Turn to your neighbor and say, "I am obsessed." Even though you can't write and your opinions are the mouthed uttering of the Evil One. Turn to another neighbor and say, "I cannot write! I am a mindless idiot!" Can you feel it my brethren? Your load is being lightened even now!
The day of reckoning comes my friends. Step into the light my brothers and sisters. Pray that you may receive reviews and comments. Pray that your constant and incessant whining and blathering has not stained you forever. Beware, though, my brothers and sisters. Do not covet a top writer's success. You cannot compete. You have no brain. Touch someone and say, "I am a suck-ass low life!"
Verily, I say unto you, "Get ye to a thesaurus" and chant the mantra of the Church of Righteous Communication, "Spelling is swell and grammar is the hammer!" Do not attempt to challenge the purity of the Oracle or the sanctity of the Divine. The Warrior Monk is even now wandering through the desert fasting on bugs and underage writers. Soon he will emerge from the desert and preach the gospel according to Webster. Go and be saved. Touch someone and say, "I am not a bug!"
So, in your time of need let me remind you to come the Reverend. I am your servant. Question me, regale me, test my faith. I am here for you brothers and sisters. Believe and be saved!
The Sermon of the Right and Reverend Doctor D.