by Sam N. Yago
My exhilarating interview of Mr. Monsyllabic Man
|It was the Starbucks on 37th and Hawthorne that made for a cool, hip spot in which to chat it up with Mr. Monosyllabic Man. I ordered a venti, hazelnut, soy, extra hot, no water chai, while Mr. Monosyllabic Man predictably ordered tea when asked what he wanted to drink. We found a cozy spot by the street-side windows, with me facing out. With his permission, I turned on my voice recorder, and placed it flat on the table. I took one sip of my delicious drink, set it down, and began our conversation.
Ace Reporter: So, Mr. Monosyllabic Man. I guess it's kinda cool to have such a distinct name, huh?
Mr. Monosyllabic Man: Yup.
AR: How did you come up with that name?
AR: Well, what?
AR: How did you come up with the name?
AR: Never mind. So, what was your childhood like? Was it tough having such a name, while living in a world where there are a lot more words that have more than one syllable?
AR: Yeah, what?
AR: What made it tough?
AR: Words made it tough. You mean multisyllabic words?
AR: I see. I suppose the real tragedy is that your parents gave you such a name. I mean, how are you supposed to even introduce yourself when your name has more than one syllable. I bet, that was a real challenge.
AR: And you have a wife?
AR: What's her name?
AR: Well, aren't you lucky?
AR: I can't even imagine what your pillowtalk is like...
AR: And, now you're running for President? How impressive can your platform be?
AR: I mean, what's your position on abortion, for instance. Or on gay marriage? How do you defend the big mistake called FEMA?
AR: Look, I don't mean to be rude, but I think that you should drop out of the race, because no right-minded American would vote for a person who can't even say the word politics.
AR: Aha...did I hit a note?
AR: Never mind. Listen, this is certainly entertaining conversation, but my chai tea latte is getting cold. So, why don't we just wrap this up with my final question?
AR: If you were to break out of your shell and begin living in our world, what would your first multisyllabic word be?
AR: Never mind...
I turned off my recorder, glared at Mr. Monosyllabic Man for a few moments, then got up to go. Mr. Monosyllabic Man didn't even follow my gaze as I exited the room. In my periphery, I saw him gingerly raise his cup to his mouth to sip his tea.