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Rated: E · Non-fiction · Experience · #1091871
This is a true story about one day I experienced while being underway.
Let me tell you a little story about work. I'll put it in your perspective so its easier to understand. It should help me and you keep from getting confused. Imagin if you will that the story is about you. That should make it interesting for you.

Its 0200 in the morning and you're laying on your bed sound asleep. Then you suddenly get picked up about five inches and thrown back down so hard you lose your breath. This goes on periodically throughout the night. Then at 0500 a whistle blows in your ear, thats loud enough to wake the dead. That tells you its time to get up and eat. So then you have to walk sideways to the shower. Be careful you're wearing shower shoes. Once you're in the shower hold on for dear life. Now try to soap your head, pits, crack and feet while getting knocked around like a pinball. You end up with a few new bumps on your head and you feel like you just survived an auto accident. You did survive, so its time for breakfast.

Put a porcelain plate on a slick fiber glass tray topped off with food greasy enough to service a four cylinder engine. Try to balance it while you walk on the walls. Add juice, coffee and some silverware to your tray of missile hazards and pick a place to sit down. Now eat while your tray slides back and forth across the table.

Now its time to clean you room. You've got a huge but cramped room by the way. First knock all the dust off of the ceiling. Be sure to get around all the sewer pipes, air craft fuel pipes, water main pipes, low pressure air pipes and ventilation ducts. Then walk around and sweep the floor. Try to stay focused even though that dirty sock keeps running away from your broom. When you finally get all of your dirt in one pile yell at the guy who just walked through it and tracked it every where again. Sweep it up several times because there are alot of such people. Threaten to kick the next guy in the head who dares walk through the sacred dirt. Then dust pan it away and grab a mop.

Mop the floor being sure to dodge the mop bucket. Yes it has wheels and a mind of its own. It will take you out. Now that you've mopped the floor ten times because people keep walking on it and water keeps splashing out of your mobile mop bucket, its time to clean the showers and the crappers. That's right, time for more pinball action. Plus you get to take another shower. This one with your clothes on, because while you were flailing about for dear life you grabbed the shower knob. Lucky you.

Finish the bathroom. The whole time skidding across the floor dodging the mop bucket. Ignore the pain in you jaw from getting busted in the chops by the mop, while you were getting mercilessly thrown into the walls. Now that you're seeing double put your face in the urinal and try to pick out all the pubic hairs. Try not to flush yourself. This part is tricky. Now put your gear away and wait to be inspected.

That sums up one morning underway. Hope you enjoyed that. I can look back and laugh about it now. It wasn't very funny at the time though.

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