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Rated: E · Non-fiction · Comedy · #1094872
A man wakes up early in the morning to every light in the house turned on.
One night I was sound asleep. Go figure the odds. But there I was, lying in a soft bed next to a soft wife. Relax, the stories not going to get kinky. It was bout 2am. When subtly my sleeping brain starts to register something peculiar. Something that doesn't quite fit. I am slowly roused to the living world. An eyelid makes a long sandy trek across my eyeball. My eye is met with shocking brightness. It doesn't take me long to realize I'm not dead when I hear my wife snort.

The rain is pounding at the house. Theirs an unusual noise comming from downstairs. I then realize all of the lights are on upstairs. My wife is sound asleep, grunting irritably as my man instinct takes over and I spring menacingly from the bed. My gun cabinet is open in a flash and a 12 gauge is instanly in my hands. My hands know the drill, without thinking about it the methodically combat loads one round and then four more.

My muscles, though stiff from the rigamortis of sleep, react combatently as I clear each room in the upstairs portion of the house. Lights are turned off as I go. I want this guy on my terms. By this time the wife groans awake. She takes in the sight of "boxer shorts man" with a rifle. "what are you doing?" She groggily asks. Then she hears the noises down stairs too. I comfort her, and tell her to lay low. "Daddy's got this one".

I creep downstairs. Trying to look as serious as I can in my mickey mouse boxers. Not sure if I was trying to scare the guy, or make him laugh. So I continue my mascarade downstairs. Nobody. Hmmm. My mind is reeling. "its wet and muddy outside, yet there's no foot prints, the doors are all locked and I've cleared the entire house." Then it dawned on me. This was an inside job! I made one more scan just incase and my eyes came to rest on the fish aquarium. No I didn't suspect the fish, please let me finish.

Now where was I? Oh yes, the fish aquarium. There it was. Overflowing, with an empty family sized jug of vegetable oil next to it. The water was so murky you couldn't even see the poor little critters. As I gaped at the sight in horror, I felt a litle hand tugging on my mickey mouses'. "daddy", came an innocent sounding voice. "why are you in your underwear?" I didn't have a good answer for that. I peered at the oily midget with a dawn of recognition. "your going to clean this up, right now." I informed him.

Long ending made short. I put my shotgun away. The noise we heard was a sand pail banging against the back door in the storm. My wife, son and I spent a few hours of quality cleaning time together. Oh yeah, I put some clothes on after I realized the curtains were open the whole time.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1094872-The-Night-the-Lights-Came-On