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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1152861-Global-Warming
Rated: ASR · Column · Comedy · #1152861
Climate Change, Butterflies and Radioactive Penguins.
Climate Change, Butterflies and Radioactive Penguins.

By

John W Drake.

Climate Change, I worry about this as much as the Y2K problem. I suspect that most of the ‘scientists’ working on this problem are ex Y2K specialists, there are lots of them about no doubt.
In fact the whole term ‘Climate Change’ should raise an eyebrow with any thinking skeptic. Ten years ago this used to be called Global Warming, go back another ten years and a new ‘Ice Age’ was certainly coming to freeze your nuts.

I don’t buy this climate change nonsense, and why should I? It comes from the same guys that can’t tell with certainty the weather for tomorrow, but they can tell a hundred years from now, yeah right.

And what are the reasons for this?
It’s the Chinese butterflies of course. You’ve all heard the theory. The butterflies flap their wings in China and you have a tornado in Oklahoma. This is similar to the jackass penguin theory that states when a penguin farts in the Artic it snows in the Namib. And of course the CO2, yeah, the stuff you breathe out; rest assured that your government is going to tax your exhalations and your car’s exhaust.

Of course to solve this problem will require global co-operation between the world’s governments. This will be almost unprecedented; in fact the last time this occurred was in the time of Adam, it hasn’t happened again since the apple.

The solutions are simple of course. Get the Chinese to return to their traditional food of butterfly and dung beetle soup. Stop the penguins from eating backed beans on toast. And everyone must abandon their cars and ride a bicycle. Of course by everyone I mean everyone else, not you and me, two cars won’t be a problem if everyone else stops driving.

The other proposal is to build nuclear, or is that nuculear, power stations and switch of the dirty coal and oil ones. This would work of course, if you don’t mind having children with bulging frog eyes, fish scales and a third nose. Then there is the radioactive waste problem, but that solution is simple too. Dump it all in the Antarctic. I mean who lives there, some dumb penguins and the researchers that caused the whole ‘Climate Change’ fiasco in the first place.

Yeah, radioactive penguins are a small price to pay to keep the television on. Meantime, I’m off to buy an air conditioner, just in case they got it right.
© Copyright 2006 John W Drake (johndrakesa at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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