Alone...

A poem about the way I feel when I am desperate and alone.

Alone,
Empty in a crowd of people.
Shamed,disgraced.
Solitude.

I try to put into words
The chaos of my mind.
End up with blank thoughts
Of bitter confusion.

Tearing up inside,
But smiling like a fool.
Angry.
Angry at myself.
No validation to support
The fiery rage that comes
From deep within my soul.
Blanketed in exhaustion.
Masked by the facade
I so elaboratly created for myself.

I'm lost in the place that I grew up in.
Who am I?
Am I still that scared little girl?
I thought I had hidden her
away in the darkest corner
Of the deepest cave within my mind.

She crawls out from
her hiding place and
torments me with her eyes.
Feeding on the misery
That accompanies her memories.
Sad little girl.
Troubled by the pain
Of her nightmare passed.

Deafening destructable pain.
I think about that little girl,
And I fall apart.
Decapitating like petals
From an autumn flower.
Praying for that next
Ray of sunshine
Spring has promised me.

Alone,
Masked in a pain
All my own.