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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1204868-Conspiracy-Theory-Thursday
Rated: 13+ · Article · Comedy · #1204868
Thursday is my favorite day to write a conspiracy Theory. This one is good!
Today is Thursday, and every Thursday I express a new conspiracy theory.  This Thursday I'm presenting a most disturbing theory in which you may have troubles wrapping your mind around it.  Alright, here it comes!

There is a perturbing element present in this world in which some call a "survey".  Today I have become suspicious of the "harmless" survey presented around every corner.  Surveys are in magazines, right at your front door, and in every electronic social scene.  Why? 

A survey is not as harmless as the noun that labels it.  No, it is a destructive weapon driven by a most evil force into the hearts and minds of non-conformists everywhere. This very day, I was attacked by evil…through my email.  In a tone of befuddlement I expressed my verbal defense, "what the hell". Then, I discovered the antidote to evil. I, with intelligent zeal, turned the table and asked this survey a question of my own.

"Survey, just what is your motive?". 

Silence. 

With even bolder ambition, I asked another question.

"Survey, who was your second grade teacher?".

This time,  the most horrifying wail straight from the fires of Hell sounded through the atmosphere.  Was the survey wringing in pain?  Was it the Jewish lady in the upstairs apartment singing along to Pat Benetar again?  I couldn't be sure.  I pressed on with my assault.

"SURVEY!, who was YOUR first kiss?".  I commanded.

As I focused on the survey, it appeared to be smaller.  Weaker in appearance even.  After every stinging question, the survey was indeed becoming smaller. Finally, twenty three questions later, it had dissolved into nothing. I had conquered evil.

Want my advice? Trash your indifference and be a warrior.

I probably won't believe in this theory tomorrow...with it being Friday and all.  Tomorrow, It will just be a hallucination brought on by indigestion from eating bad cheese.  Bad cheese planted in my refrigerator by another survey.
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