A true account of my rape at age 10...Names have been changed to protect the guilty
|It was a sultry August afternoon; the trees swaying in the musty wind and left the leaves rustling from the ground as if they were floating to heaven. Our house was right across the street from the school; mommy told me it was ok to walk alone as long as I was careful and used the crosswalk that had just been freshly painted that previous morning.
My name is Thomas Marvin Monaco, but people call me Tommy. My family is from Chile, they came here almost 10 years ago wanting a better life for us. Papi owns and operates his own fabrication plant and Mama is an Interior Decorator, as for me, I am just a normal 10 year old boy whose life unbeknown to me was going to change in a split second right before my very eyes.
It was also another special day; it was my 10th birthday! I was so excited to go to school that day, because Mrs. Elerbee our third grade math teacher always had a handmade hat for the birthday kids, it made us feel more grown up and important. As the school bell rang, we all lined up single file next to the door leading into our school. I had just won my first game of tether ball that Jimmy Mckeeny challenged me to play.
As we all entered the school, I placed my coat and book bag in my cubbyhole and sat at my desk waiting for class to start. As Mrs. Elerbee entered the room, I saw out of the corner of my eye her gold crown with diamonds all around it and spikes jolting for the sky. I knew my day had come. "Tommy" Mrs. Elerbee said with the softest of tones, "could you please come to the front of the classroom please?" As I got out of my seat, I slowly made my way to the front peering out of the corner of my eye looking like a rock star at the Grammy’s; I was the coolest thing since sliced bread, and that has been around awhile.
"Happy Birthday, Tommy" Mrs. Elerbee giggled as she place that decadent, shining crown upon my crescent shaped head, "thank you, Mrs.Elerbee" I said as I made my way back to my seat. I could see everyone's eyes shifting to me and for a brief moment I was immortal, nothing could have made that day any better.
As the final school bell rang, I rushed to get my coat and book bag, because I knew what was waiting for me when I got home; a thick, decadent, three layers, chocolate cream filled, chocolate iced, birthday cake! I rushed to the crosswalk and hurriedly I ran through the door, simultaneously throwing my coat, book bag, and shoes right by the closet door. I hurried into the kitchen only to find that there was no cake, no baking supplies whatsoever.
"Mommy!" I yelled, "I am home," but no answer. I turned around to go outside and Papi out of nowhere magically appeared behind me and in his hands; my birthday cake. "Where is mommy? I thought she would be home by now," I asked, "She has to work late tonight, they are drawing up new sketches for a client’s house," Papi explained.
Later that night, as the sun set behind the luminous clouds and the stars began to twinkle in the silvery moonlight; I heard a knock at my bedroom door.” Come in," I said as I was playing with my GI Joe's and doing other boyly stuff, Papi came into my room and brought with him something I had been asking for, for awhile it was my artisan desk. Attached to it was a note that said "Happy 10th Birthday, Tommy," I was so excited, I jumped off the floor and right into my papi's arms.” I knew you would like it," Papi exclaimed, "I have one other special surprise for you, but it has to wait till your ready for bed." Papi continued. "Oh I can’t wait," I said with a beam of delight on my face.
I took myself into the bathroom, took a bath, played with my rubber ducky, after I finished I do what I always do, brush my hair, and brush my teeth. I called Papi into my room and asked him what other surprise he had for me. "Why don't we say our prayers first, then I will give it to you, what do you think?" He asked me. I simply replied with a bobble-headed nod.
As I knelt on the floor and folded my hands, "Dear Jesus, thank you for this day, blesses mommy and Papi..." at that split second I felt my papi's hand slide over and touch me.”Papi, what are you doing?" I asked, "Oh nothing, buddy just finish your prayer." Papi said with a smirk on his face. "Bless Abuela, Abuelo, Tia Angelica, and Tio Martin..." I stopped, Papi's hand was still on my wee wee. I tried to get up, but papi's hand was holding my leg down. "Its ok buddy, Papi won’t hurt you." He said
As the fear rushed to my head, I naturally started crying, because I had no idea what I had done wrong, was this punishment for being bad? I didn’t know what to think. Papi picked me up and sat me on the bed, wiped my tears away, and smacked me in the face and told me not to cry anymore, that he was going to take care of me. He laid me on my stomach, he knew that was the only way mommy could get me to sleep was rub my back, but somehow I was still awake. He inched further down my back stopping at my butt.
Papi ripped my clothes off, exposing a naked 10 year old boy. He then began touching himself in a way that I had no idea another man could do. As I laid there on my stomach drenched with fear and horror to move, for I did not want to bear the pain my papi's belt left on my sore buttocks. He slowly moved into me, pressing something into my butt hole..."STOP, OUCH, THAT HURTS!!! PAPI PLEASE STOP!!!" I shouted as loud as I could, but he didn’t hear me, he shoved my face into the pillow as to muffle any sound that could permeate thorough any walls, and alert the people to danger. As he finished, he kissed me on the cheek and said "Good boy, you have done your Papi proud, this will be our little secret, ok?" That was the last time I saw my Papi.
Mommy came home 3 hours later to find me in a puddle of my own blood and feces, and Papi nowhere in sight."OH DIOS MIO, MIJO" mommy shouted as she saw what that man had done to me."MALDITA SEA" mommy continued as she held my trembling body in her bloodshed hands."AYUDANME POR FAVOR." She dialed 911 immediately after laying me back on the blood-filled bed.
"911 what’s your emergency?" the operator asked. "My son has been raped and I need an ambulance' Mommy exclaimed.” Yes ma'am we will have one right there as soon as possible" the operator assured mommy that everything was going to be okay and that she would stay on the line until the ambulance got there. "Ma'am is your son ok, is he conscience?" the operator asked, "Yes!" Mommy said.
As the ambulance approached they rushed me to the hospital as fast as they could, the sirens were blaring and the cab of the ambulance was rocking. "Hey buddy" the EMT said nicely, "can you tell me who did this to you?” with a weak breath I said "he told me he would kill me if I told", I passed out unconscious.
I woke to find nurses and doctors poking around, seeing if they could find anything.
"Do you have any idea who could have possibly done this?" the nurse asked mommy. "No, who would want to hurt my little boy?" mommy asked. As mommy approached the bed she flicked my hair from eyes and kissed me on the forehead and told me that I should rest, and we will talk about this exciting night tomorrow.
The next morning I awoke to a new nurse taking my vital signs and giving me pain medication like it was candy. "How are you feeling this morning Tommy?" the nurse asked, with a half awake sigh I said "I am sore."," would you like something to drink?" the nurse continued, "yes, thank you" I replied. As I drifted back to sleep; visions of terror, anger, rage, and fear flashed through my head like a lightning bolt to an electricity pole. I woke up in tears, sobbing "Please DONT HURT ME, OUCH, TAKE IT OUT!!!", Mommy awoke abruptly, cradling me in her arms rocking me back and forth, crying, and reassuring me everything was going to be ok.
I got released from the hospital the next day, the doctors found an anal fissure which is a tear in the rectal wall lining, which was conducive to the bloody mess found in the bed, the rape kit showed large amounts of sperm, but the interesting thing was the abuser had a very low sperm count. As the doctor read these results to mommy her eyes lit up like the fire of haides.The doctor suggested I go see a counselor, as a precautionary measure. She still had no idea who it was that did this to me; I am left to carry that burden.
The first night back home was that of a grueling one. I woke up in tears three or four times a night screaming "OUCH, DONT HURT ME ANYMORE," mommy was so scared that she didn’t know what to do. Mommy started praying to god for help, guidance, and understanding. "Oh mijo, I am so sorry that I wasn’t here for you when you needed me the most, I am so sorry, please forgive me." I took in a short breath and with a sigh I replied "I forgive you mommy, and I forgive him."
The following day was our first session with our counselor; Marionita Supplewood, she is trained in cases of abused children and rape victims. As we sat awaiting our session, mommy held me tight and rubbed my head as to ease any pain I may have been feeling.
As the session started we got to know one another, and she asked about our background, where we were from, all the pleasantries. The next line of questions was not so easy to ramble off about. "So what brings you to my office today?" Marionita expressed keen interest as to the reasoning behind our visit. "Well as you may know, Tommy was raped, and hospitalized for his injuries, but he can’t tell us who it was that did this to him." Mommy sat there arms folded and teared up eyes, I knew she was hurting, and I wanted to ease that pain for her much like she has always eased mine.
"Let’s ask him again, shall we?" Marionita said, as she looked over at me I knew it was now or never, if I wanted those dreams to end, I had to start talking. "Tommy, who did this to you?" Marionita asked pleasantly. I studied mommy's face and the pain and anguish she felt, I knew I had to ease it, so with a breath so revering I looked at Marionita and I looked back at mommy and said, "Papi, it was Papi who hurt me." Mommy broke down in tears and Marionita followed suit; finally I had broken the silence.
For the next 9 years after that day I endured therapy session after therapy session, with each passing day I am constantly reminded of what happened to that 10 year old boy and what kind of a man he has become today. Strength and Independence were the rewards I reaped and still reap to this day; the day of broken silence.