I don't know what to call this yet, too primitive in form.
My locker made a loud noise as I slammed it shut. I was pissed off and didn’t care who knew it. I was on my way to Remediation for Pre-Calculus. I didn’t see why I had to take extra help for a class for a non-required class but some asshole somewhere thought it would be a swell idea. I had given some serious thought to skipping the class but had decided against it because I had no where else to go. So I made my way to the third floor.
On the way there, I bumped some blonde tramp who said I had an attitude. I told her where to go and I flung open the door to room 340. As soon as I opened the door the teacher looked up from his desk. “R.J. Baker I presume.”
“Just wanted to make sure that I had the right name on the detention slip.”
“Oh c’mon.” I flopped in my chair. “Be original and cut me a break.”
“I’ll talk to you after class.”
I looked around and said “I’m the only one in here.”
“Open your text to the section on exponents.” He put a desk in front of me facing mine and opened a teacher’s edition of my text. “Mr. Rogers says that you are having trouble reversing the distributive property.”
“Yeah among other things.”
“Look, you can learn this stuff and I’m gonna help you, just co-operate.”
When the 40 minutes was up, I got up to leave. He grabbed my hand and said “I didn’t fill out the detention slip.” He quickly let go after getting my attention.
“Good because I wouldn’t have gone anyways.”
“My name is R.J.”
“R.J. you just need to know that I have my eyes on you and I know you better than you think.”
“Mr. Izzio, you can put your eyes anywhere you want but you don’t know the first thing about me.”
As the day went on, I wasn’t so pissed. I was thinking of Mr. Izzio’s steel grey eyes and pondering the universe. I went to lunch and sat with Jayne, my best friend. I wasn’t talking much and she shook my slushie. “Earth to R.J. What’s with you today?”
“Sorry what were you saying?”
“I asked you how Remediation was.”
“It blew. The teacher ain’t bad though.”
“Izzio, right?” She asked.
“I think he’s cute.”
“He has amazing eyes and a nice ass.” I said. “And I have him all to myself.”
“You’re the only one in there?”
“Well, you must have made some kind of impression on him because he’s been staring at you for about 10 minutes.”
“Where?” I asked.
“Over your left shoulder.”
I turned around and caught his eye. He smiled at me and I smiled back. “Why did I have to meet him here?”
“Because fate is a motherfucker.” Jayne sighed.
“Ain’t that the truth?”
My mom picked me up from school. She had borrowed my car that morning because it needed to be inspected. “Raja, I have some news.”
“What is it?”
“Byron moved out.”
“Good. I hated his guts.”
“I know. So I was thinking we’d make homemade pizza to celebrate.”
“Do we have pineapple?” I asked.
“You can put it on your half but I hate that shit.”
As ordinary as that day was, that was when the end of my life began. It’s funny how people can pass through life and never know when their days are numbered. But I carried on and hung out with my mom. She was 39 and felt like she was out of time so she made up for it by serial dating and partying. I was by myself entirely too much since my father left but I made due with it.
I was assembling the pizza and the phone rang. My mom answered it and handed it to me. “Hello.”
“Hi.” A deep sexy male voice said.
“Someone who’s not allowed to call you Raja.”
“That could be anyone.” I walked in the living room to flop on the couch.
“My name is Keith.”
“I don’t know any Keiths.”
“You know me by something different, but we’ll get into that later.”
“How’d you get my unlisted phone number?”
“I’ll explain that later, too.”
“Okay Keith, you are really starting to piss me off. So either start explaining or fuck off.”
“That wasn’t very nice Raja.”
“My name is R.J.”
“Why don’t you like your real name? It’s beautiful.”
“R.J. is better.”
“Okay so I’ll call you R.J.” The guy said.
“Fine.” I walked into the kitchen. My mom asked me who it was and I said it was one of my guy friends.
“How do you know I’m a friend?”
“I guess I don’t. I just don’t feel like worrying my mother.”
“You love her very much.”
“One of the only people that I love.”
“What about your friends?” He asked.
“Some of them too, I guess.”
“Do you have a boyfriend?” He asked. “I hope not. I’d hate to have to steal you from him.”
“I don’t have a boyfriend and I’m not looking for one.”
“Look, I’m not going to answer another question until you tell me who you are.”
“I really want to tell you but I could get in so much trouble.” He said.
I realized who I was talking to and I about fell off the couch. “I think I know who you are. It just makes no sense.”
“Why don’t you meet me somewhere and find out if you’re right.” He asked.
“I can’t” I said. I hung up the phone and went to eat dinner. My mom took a call upstairs and then she called me to the phone again.
“Don’t hang up on me please.” The caller known to me as Keith said.
“What do you want?”
“I want you.”
“Well then tell me who you are.” I growled.
“My name is Keith Izzio.”
“Are you fucking with me?”
“I never joke when I’m up for tenure.”
“Well if you’re worried about that then why are you doing this?” I whispered.
“When I saw you today and you smiled at me, I knew that I had to have you.” He sighed. “I know it sounds cliché, but it’s the truth.”
“You don’t even know me.” I said.
“I want to know you in everyway possible.”
“This is crazy.”
“What’s crazy is not even giving me a chance.”
“Maybe you’re right.”
“So meet me somewhere.”
“Like where?” I asked.
“You could come to my house if you want.”
“Will you meet me at Wal-Mart in Falcwood?” I asked.
“Yeah, that’s right down the road from where I live.”
“Do you live alone?”
“That’s awesome.” I said.
“Why’s that awesome?” He asked.
“Don’t get any ideas.”
“I didn’t think I’d be that lucky. I just want to talk to you.” He said.
“Damn you’re smooth.” I said. “I’m gonna have to watch myself with you.”
“Nah. I’m harmless.” He laughed.
I drove my VW Bug to Wal-Mart. He was waiting in an obscure corner of the parking lot in a Ruby Red Camero. I parked and walked over to it. “It really is you.”
“I love your car.”
“Maybe I’ll take you for a ride sometime.” He smiled.
“I need to run in here quick. If you wanna walk with me you can.”
“I’d better; I know how you women get with this place.” He laughed and walked next to me. I got what I needed and was out in 10 minutes. He was stunned. “Well, I’ll be damned.”
“I hate shopping.” I said.
“Do you want to go back to my place?” He asked.
“If I said no, I’d be lying.”
“So let’s go cutie.” He smiled. “Do you want me to drive you there?”
“Nah, I’ll just follow you.”
I pulled in his driveway behind him and was fidgeting around with my wallet when he opened my door. “Look, it’s a mess. So don’t be offended.” He said.
I expected to walk into a typical bachelor pad. However, the house was immaculate and looked like a Furniture Showroom. “God if this is messy, I hate to see what clean looks like.”
He sat on an over-stuffed blue couch. “Have a seat.”
“I really like this couch.”
“I’ve had it since college.”
“Where’d you go to college?” I asked.
“Where’s that at? I’ve never heard of it.”
“New York State about 45 minutes from Buffalo.”
“Oh. Are you from here originally?”
“I grew up in Corry Pa.”
“Why did you come back here?”
“Pennsylvania is a good place to set down roots.”
“Or to never escape.”
“You’ll love it here one day, I promise.”
“Maybe.” I leaned back and stretched. I looked over and he was smiling at me. “What?”
“You are so amazingly beautiful.”
“I wish I had met you somewhere else.” He said.
“Me too.” I sighed. “I lied about something.”
“I am lonely.”
“I haven’t had a serious girlfriend in 3 years.” He scooted closer to me. “So I know exactly what you mean.”
“What happened to her?”
“She left me for my best friend.”
“Ouch.” I said. “My ex went to jail. It really screwed me up.”
“I can imagine.”
“But enough about that shit. The past is the past for a reason.”
“I’m ready to move on to the future.”
He put his arm around my shoulder. And put his hand underneath my chin and turned my face towards him. “I think I’m looking at mine right in the green eyes.” He kissed me. I kissed him back but then realized what I was doing. I pulled away and stood up.
“Look, I really should go.”
“Why? I thought you didn’t have a curfew.”
“I don’t but I really shouldn’t be here.”
“I know you shouldn’t be either but I don’t want you to leave.”
“Look, nothing has happened here that can’t be undone. But something definitely could and this isn’t a good idea and I should just go.” I started towards the door. Before I knew it his arms were around my waist and my hips got hot. I felt his breath on my neck and I got chills.
“Stay with me R.J.”
“Yes you can.” He started to sway me back and forth.
“Look, I really like you and I can’t let you mess up your career for me.”
“Just stay and talk to me.” He kissed the back of my head and neck.
“It won’t be just talking.” I whispered.
“And what difference does it make if it’s not? It’s just you and me here. And I don’t kiss and tell.”
“I don’t either but if anyone ever found out- -.”
“No one will.” He turned my face towards him. “I don’t care if they do, you’re 18 right?”
“Not until June 1st.”
“Oh, I didn’t know that. Your mom didn’t mention that.”
“Never mind.” He said. “Look, if you don’t say anything and I don’t say anything who’s it hurting?”
“No one I guess.”
“So come back inside and talk to me.”
“Well, I’m thirsty anyways.”
“You drink Mountain Dew right?”
“You have a good memory.”
“Only where pretty girls are concerned.” He smiled and walked into the kitchen. He was gently opening and closing cupboard doors. I felt like I should say something but I was too busy staring at him. He was about 6’2 and weighed 250. He had reddish brown hair, muscular arms and chest, and a slight beer belly. He also had an ass that was round and that I couldn’t wait to grab. He caught me staring and grinned. “You checkin me out?”
“So what if I was?” I smiled coyly.
“I say come get it if you want it.”
I chuckled. “We’ll see.”
He sat down next to me and said “So here we are at the edge of a life-altering situation.”
“So what do you want to do about it?”
“I don’t know. Dating is hard enough without the kind of pressure that this would add to it.”
“Do you have feelings for me?”
“I think I could see myself with you if you weren’t my teacher.” I said. “I want to get to know you better.”
“I do too. I believe that fate brought you to me for a reason.”
“I’d like to spend time with you and see where it goes.”
“That’s cool with me.”
The next day Remediation was all business. I studied hard and avoided looking in his eyes. I had a better grasp of reality and PreCalc because of him. Towards the end of class my cell phone rang. “Raja, you know I have to take that.”
“C’mon, I have no control over who calls me.”
“You can get it back at the end of the day.”
“This is ridiculous.” I slammed my books in my bag and walked out of the room.
At the end of the day I walked upstairs and got my phone back without saying another word. He called my cell phone as I was washing dinner dishes. “If you wanted my number you could have asked.”
“I know I’ve had to get at you through the back door but every time I try to go straight you push me away.”
“I don’t know what I’m doing. It’s not like I can discuss my feelings with anyone.”
“You can talk to me about it.”
“I want to be with you and I can’t.”
“Why can’t you?” He asked.
“It’s just not a good idea.”
“R.J. come over here.”
“I just can’t.” I hung up the phone.
I skipped class for the next three days. He finally wrote me up and I had detention until 4 pm for three nights. On the third night, he told the detention chaperone that he had to talk to me and pulled me in the hallway. “You have a test next week and you really need to come to class.”
“Okay, I’ll be there.”
We didn’t speak outside of school until Columbus Day weekend, three weeks later. Friday after school let out, I went to Jayne’s. My cell phone rang while I was in the bathroom and she answered it. “R.J.’s phone. She’s in the bathroom. Who’s this? Keith?” I dashed out. “Here she is Keith.”
“Hello?” I said.
“I’m glad you called.” I said.
“Why?” He asked.
“I was hoping that we could talk.”
Jayne looked confused but went back to her wire-bending.
“I was starting to think that you didn’t want to talk to me.”
“Well, you’re wrong.”
“Yeah?” He asked.
“I’ll drop by if you want.”
“You know that’s what I want.”
Jayne looked up. “Is it just a coincidence that Mr. Izzio’s first name is Keith?”
“Are you fuckin Izzio?”
“I’ve sure thought about it.”
“Hell, go for it.”
“Well, I ‘can’t’ see Chuck but you’re gonna drop me off on your way right?”
“No problem. So you’re going to tell your mom we are going to Sarah’s?”
“Yep.” Jayne said.
I sped over to Keith’s. He greeted me at the door and I hugged him. “I’ve been an ass.”
“No you haven’t.” He said. “I just came on way too strong.”
“I haven’t been very adult.”
“Neither have I because I couldn’t wait to have you.” He grabbed my hand and led me upstairs to his bedroom. The white room was dimly lit with red candles on the nightstand. His dresser had white roses in a vase on top of it.
“Do you always have roses and candles in your bedroom?” I asked.
“Only when the most beautiful girl in the world is coming over.”
“So what are we doing in here?”
“Anything you want.” He sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me to him. He grabbed his stereo remote and programmed Coldplay and Dave Matthews songs. He lay down on the bed and I laid next to him with my head on his chest. He stroked my hair until I was almost asleep. “You sleeping sweetie?” He asked after a few songs.
“No. Just relaxing.”
“You seem more comfortable with everything.”
I sat up so I could look at him. “Yeah I am.”
“That’s good. I know that this is pretty intense, but just remember you aren’t alone. This is happening to me too.” I leaned up and kissed him. “I love kissing you.” He said. “You know, we’ve done so much analyzing that we haven’t actually done anything yet.”
“R.J. I should have asked this before now, but are you a virgin?”
“Not at all.”
“Why did you ask?” I asked.
“I was just curious.” He kissed me until I ran out of breath. “What’s wrong?”
“I just needed a breath.” I laid on my back and he leaned over top of me.
“Can I ask you a question?”
“What do you want to be?”
“What do you mean?”
“I want to go out with you.”
“Okay.” I said. “I want to be your girlfriend.” He kissed me. I laid down and he laid on top of me all the way. I was so nervous. Every so often, he’d stop and ask me if I was okay. “I just can’t believe that I’m here.”
I slept in his bed next to him. I woke up the next morning in his arms. “Good morning beautiful.”
“Hi.” We kissed and one thing led to another. It was amazing except for the fact that he was huge, and I knew I was probably going to walk funny. I decided it was a good thing it was only Saturday morning so I had a couple of days to get used to it. “Hey Hun, do you want to take a shower with me?” He asked.
“Sure.” Columbus Day Weekend was basically FuckFest. I tried to leave on Monday morning.
“R.J., I don’t want you to leave yet.”
“I have to.”
“I have to do my homework.” I muttered.
“When will I see you again?” He asked.
“Tuesday, Fifth period.”
“I meant when will you come here again?”
“Soon.” I said. I leaned over and kissed him. “You aren’t going to get rid of me that easy.”
“How about I take you for a spin in the Camero on Thursday?”
“I’d like that.”
“It’s going to be too quiet here.”
“I’ll see you soon babe.”
When I got to school on Tuesday there was a stuffed bear in my locker. I smiled. Jayne looked over at me. “Oh God, R.J.’s in love.”
“You’re in for it now.”
Boy was she right.
Thursday came and I drove to his house and parked in the road. He came out wearing jeans and a leather jacket. He looked amazingly hot. I was wearing a jean skirt that was kind of short and a jean jacket. I had borrowed Jayne’s boots and they went most of the way up my legs. Underneath my jacket, I had on a red long sleeved shirt that was low cut. He saw me and whistled at me. “You checkin me out?” I asked.
“So what if I am?” He pulled me to him. I kissed him and pulled away teasingly.
“Let’s go.” I got into the car. He did to and asked me what I wanted to listen to. “Do you have any Motley Crue? That’s good cruising music.”
“I have lots of Crue, pick a CD and throw it in.” We listened to the music for a few minutes and I noticed that we had left town and were on the back roads.
“Where we going?” I asked.
“I figured we’d go to Corry so we can go out in public.”
“My grandparents own a farm up there. It’s got a huge pond. I figured we’d go there after dinner.”
“Sounds good.” I said.
A while down the road he took my hand in his. His hands were so much bigger than mine. I was all warm inside just from touching his hand. He looked over at me and my heart melted. I didn’t ever want to leave that very spot. I must have smiled because he looked over and kept smiling at me “What?” I asked.
“You drive me crazy.” He said. “I don’t know how I keep my hands off you at work.”
“It’s hard for me, too.”
“I have a feeling that it is only going to get harder.”
“Probably.” I said.
We pulled up at the local pizzeria in Corry. He came around and opened my door for me. I stepped out and he put his arm around my waist. “I finally get to show you off to the world.” He laughed.
“Well, to Corry anyways.” We went in the restaurant and it turns out he knew how I ate my pizza. I ate one piece and he looked at me weird.
“Girl, if I take you out for a meal I expect you to eat.”
I blushed. “I just didn’t want to make a pig of myself.”
“Like I said, I expect you to eat. If you’re that worried about it, I’ll help you work it off.”
“How do you plan on doing that?” I asked.
We went to his grandparent’s pond. It was almost as big as a small lake. He turned the car radio on and started to dance with me. “I’ve never done anything like this before.” I whispered in his ear.
“Me neither.” He said. “You bring out the romantic in me.”
We got in the car and something came over me. I leaned in and kissed him. “Do you want to leave?” He asked.
“Not yet.” I smiled. I motioned for him to come into my seat and we wound up screwing right there on Grandma’s land. After we were done, he was in awe.
“That was amazing.”
“Yeah I thought so too.” I grinned. “I love how you just left my skirt on.”
“I’ve always wanted to do that.” We rode snuggled as close as we could get back to his house. About a half hour into the trip, he asked me if I was on birth control. “It doesn’t make a difference to me; I just wanted you to know that I came inside you.”
“Well, I’m on the Pill.” I leaned back. “Wouldn’t it have been fucked up of me to let you come inside me if I wasn’t?”
“I wouldn’t have minded. I trust you.”
“Well, what if I got pregnant.”
“If that’s in the cards then so be it.”
I got a little freaked out by him being so nonchalant about pregnancy. I took fertility seriously and I did not ever want to get pregnant. Kids were just not something I saw in my future.
We saw each other once or twice a week until Christmas vacation. My mom had a new guy living with us so she really didn’t notice that I was gone too much. I was at Keith’s one day when his brother Brent dropped in. “Brent, this is my girlfriend R.J.”
“Nice to meet you.” He said. He looked almost identical to Keith except for he had black hair. “Will you be joining us for Christmas R.J.?”
“Um…No. I wish I could, but I can’t.”
“That’s too bad. You’re missing the best meal ever. My little brother can cook like the Dickens.”
We sat in the living room and they drank beer. I almost had one but I decided not to. Brent asked how we had met and I let Keith answer. He said at Wal-Mart. He also asked how serious we were. I had no idea what to say so I excused myself to the bathroom. When I came back down Keith had run to the store to get more beer. I was alone with his brother Brent. He kicked back on the couch and started asking a lot of questions. “So R.J. do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“I’m an only child.”
“I see. Well, you must forgive me. I’m very protective of my brother. I also know him very well. I know you didn’t meet at Wal-Mart.”
“Yes we did.”
“How old are you?”
“Old enough to be getting pissed.”
“Listen to me, I don’t care where, when, or how you met. I just know that I’ve never seen Keith happier. So just don’t fuck him over.”
“Look, I would never intentionally hurt Keith.”
“I really hope not.” He sighed. “He’s so crazy about you. You’re all he talks about.”
Thankfully, Keith walked back in. “You two talking about me?”
“All good Hun.”
He kissed me and tossed his brother another beer. Brent was eyeing me like he thought I was a skank. I didn’t much like him at first. He got me thinking about how much I cared about Keith. I didn’t see how I could care that much about him and let him take such a huge risk.
I went to My Mom’s parents’ house for Christmas. When we got home, there was a bouquet of flowers for my mother and a 6 foot teddy bear for me on the porch. My card read “The best present I ever got was you—Love you Raja ~Keith”
“So you’re dating Mr. Izzio?”
“I know that you are.”
“No mom, I’m not.” I walked inside and put my presents in my bedroom Keith was laying in my bed. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“My mom’s right downstairs!”
“How do you think I got in?” He asked.
“I don’t know.”
“She gave me her house key so I could surprise you.”
“Well, you damn sure surprised me.” I tucked my hair behind my ears and stretched my arms. “How did you get to know my mom?”
“I met her at the PTA meeting in July.” He sat up and reached for me. I sat on the edge of my bed.
“So you’ve known her this whole time?”
“I have been agonizing over how you two were going to meet. But she knows and is cool with us dating?” I asked.
“It was her idea.”
“Her idea?!” I exclaimed. “What the fuck is going on?”
“She thought that you might like me.” He sighed. “What difference does it make how we got together?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I said and lay down in the bed. As I laid there I felt kind of betrayed by my mother. Who did she think she was to set me up with someone, much less my teacher? It dawned on me that my mom wanted me to get out of her space. I also wondered how much I could actually trust Keith because he was so close with my mom.
On New Year’s Eve, Keith brought me to his house. We started to drink Vodka shots and dancing with loud music. We collapsed on the ground and he said “Raja, stop taking your birth control pills.”
“Why.” I slurred.
“I’ll wear condoms from now on.”
“Sure.” I said.
“I love you Raja.”
“What?” I yelled over the music.
“I love you!” He screamed. I stood up from where I was laying on the floor.
“Whoa.” I said. “You don’t have to say all that.”
He stood up and grabbed me to him. “That’s how I feel though.” He put my hand on his chest. “My heart belongs to you.”
I smiled and said “Let’s get some more booze.”
When we got back to school, he passed me a note over top of my paper: “I was serious on New Year’s.”
“What about?” I asked aloud.
“You know.” He said staring at me.
“That’s a big step.” I said.
“I’m ready to make it.” He said. “Come over tonight.”
“I’m not ready.”
At that moment, Ms. Conlan came in the room. She was a skinny blonde and had a reputation for flirting with all of the younger male teachers. “Mr. Izzio, I need to speak with you for just a moment.”
Keith jumped up out of his seat and walked away from the table with her. “Raja, work on Problem set A dash 4.”
They walked to his desk and she started to talk about this party that she was having that night. Keith said he couldn’t go. She said, “Well, then at least come out after school with me for a drink.”
“Sure.” He said.
“When are we going to get to meet this girl you’ve been spending all of your time with?”
“We broke up.” He said. “And you know I don’t like to mix business with pleasure.”
“Well, I’d better let you get back to this kid.”
“See you after school Sarah.”
He walked back over to the desk like nothing had happened. “Alright, did you get any answers?”
“All of the answers I need.”
We went over the problem set and he asked to see my work. He wrote on the top of my paper “Why are you upset?”
“Could I have a hall pass please?” I asked out loud.
“When you finish this problem.”
I stood up. “I did the problem set.”
“You missed one.”
I sighed. “I’m not upset.”
“Sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do, Raja. Now do the problem.”
I wrote on the paper. “Drinks? Broke up with your girlfriend? I wasn’t born yesterday even though you apparently think I was.” As I shoved it back to him, I said. “I want a hall pass or I’ll walk out without one.”
He scribbled a hall pass. “You have 5 minutes.”
I went to the bathroom to collect myself. When I came back he was sitting at his desk and he had written a note to me. “I meant what I said. I love you. I’m having a drink with Conlan so she doesn’t get suspicious. Nothing will happen you have to trust me. I only said I broke up with my girlfriend so I don’t have to introduce my real girlfriend to everyone.”
I tore it to shreds and sat down with my math book. About that time the bell rang. I jumped up and he said “Maybe I need some grown up company for a while.”
“Enjoy yourself then, and I’ll do the same.”
After school I went to Jayne’s house. My cell phone rang about 13 times. “R.J. I like Ludacris as much as the next person but are you going to answer your phone.”
“Well then, shut the motherfucker off.”
About 10 minutes later, Jayne’s mom yelled up the stairs that my mother was on the phone for me. I picked up the extension. “Hey ma.”
“Raja, call your boyfriend.”
“Absolutely not.” I said. “I can’t call a boyfriend that I don’t have.”
“Raja, don’t be ridiculous.”
“Mother, as we speak he is out drinking with another woman.”
“As we speak he is on our couch drinking his sorrows away.”
“He can stay there for all I care.”
“Raja, bring your bratty ass home right now.”
“Whatever.” I hung up the phone and went back to Jayne’s room. My mom called back 10 minutes later and Dr. Whittaker told me I needed to go on home. So I did. I was mad as hell, so I sped like I was in Nascar. I flew into my driveway at about 50 and almost hit the Camero. I picked up a cigarette off the floor and lit it. I walked in the front door and threw my backpack against the wall.
“Raja Jo--" My mother yelled.
“Don’t even start with me. What the fuck did you call me home for? I said I didn’t want to talk to him.”
“Look, your problem has sat himself in my living room, so take care of it.” I walked in the living room and Keith was laying on my couch passed out. I nudged him.
“Jesus Christ school got out 2 hours ago, how much have you drank since then?”
“Can you walk?”
“Yep.” He said.
“Good. Then I suggest you walk the fuck out of here and go home. Because I ain’t got shit to say to you.”
“Raja, he can’t drive.” My mom said.
“That ain’t my problem. You told me to take care of him so I did. If he don’t get off the couch now call the cops.” I walked to my bedroom, shut, and locked the door. He followed behind me.
“Call the cops?” He slurred. “What you gonna tell them little girl? How you laid across my bed and begged me to fuck you harder?”
I opened the door and I pushed him backwards into a wall. He lost his balance and leaned against the wall. “Get out. I don’t ever want to see your face again.”
“I didn’t mean it R.J.” He said, sliding down the wall.
I slammed my door shut and played my music. Halfway through the first song, he started to knock on my door and tell me to open up. After 5 minutes, I was getting pissed. I opened the door and bellowed “Leave me alone and get the fuck out of my house.” He flopped in my door so I couldn’t close it.
“R.J. I love you. Stop being like this.”
“You only love me when you’re drunk.”
“R.J. take it in your room. Avery is trying to sleep.” My mom yelled up the stairs.
“Make him leave and you won’t hear another peep out of me.” I yelled back.
“Raja, handle your business like an adult and cut out the shit.”
“Fine.” I yelled back. “You’d better walk your drunken ass in here.” I said to Keith.
“Help me up.” He said. I stuck put my hand and pulled him into my room. I shut my door and he fell into my bed.
“Sit here and go to sleep.” I said as I sat down at my desk to write.
“Baby, come lay with me.”
“I said I was sorry.”
“I don’t care what you said. It doesn’t matter. Just don’t talk to me.” He fell asleep after about 20 minutes. I sat at my desk and did my homework. I got hungry and fixed some spaghetti at about 7. I was midway through my plate when he woke up.
“Can you drive yet?” I asked with my mouth full.
“Yeah, if you want me to go I will, but I think we should talk first.”
I didn’t turn around to look at him when I said “I just want you to leave.” I felt my eyes get damp. My bed creaked as he stood up and walked towards me.
“I didn’t mean anything I said other than that I love you.” He put his hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it away. “Fine.” He walked towards the door and stopped. “No. I’m not leaving. I’m not your father. Raja, I fucked up. But we’ve gone through too much to have one day undo us.”
“Maybe so. But I’ll never be able to look at you the same. I’ll always hear you saying those hateful things to me.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to say.”
“I hope this never happens again. It doesn’t feel good.”
He came up to me and hugged me. I hugged him back. “Do you still want me to leave?”
“I don’t know.” I whispered.
“R.J., I’m so sorry. Don’t make me go, please.” He pulled me tighter to him with each word.
“I’m really tired, I want to go to bed.”
“Will you come sleep at my house?”
“No. I just want to stay here.”
“Let me stay with you.”
“I don’t care.” I said. I gathered my pajamas and got in the shower.