by Tony Roblero
A satire on the behavior of reporters and the crazy fads for losing weight.
Fat man lost fat through a fall, starting a new fad.
Zaton: This is Brian Zaton of INN, Information Now! Network. I am here in New York City. Recently we received video footage showing a four hundred-pound man falling from the Empire State Building. That was one crazy day at headquarters...Ahem. Anyways I am here to interview the man, James Dal. James, how did this whole falling out of the Building start?
Dal: Well I had rented this helicopter. Since my weight impeded me from climbing the Empire Building I wanted to one way or another-
Zaton: One way or another... I'm gonna get you, get you, get you! One way or another- Ummm. Sorry it is just that the song has been stuck in my head since forever. Please go on.
Dal: Very well. So I rented a helicopter to get to the top of the building. Let me tell you, getting the helicopter into the air was very difficult. The pilots gave it full power but no go. Other people, my family really, had to get out of the copter. At long last the copter ascended. But it was no piece of cake as my weight pulled the copter down and the copter struggled to stay in the air.
Zaton: So the beginning was a little bumpy? But how did you come to your now famous fall?
Dal: Well as the copter was setting to land we had more problems. The copter got too close to the building too fast and we almost crashed. Unfortunately, or maybe not, I fell out and landed hard on the roof. But since I fell with such force, upon hitting the ground I just bounced off and fell off the roof. I fell for a long distance before landing on the ground. Where I stayed for a long time, resting being unable to move.
Zaton:You sure left an impression on the ground. Look at the size of that crater!
Dal: Yeah. I bounced a few times on the ground and I guess that's what made me the lean guy I am now.
Zaton: But what do you think made you different from others who have fallen before you? I mean all, well maybe except for one or two lucky souls, died in their fall out the Empire State Building. I'm sure all those over-eaters who are watching want to know your secret. In fact you have started a slim fad known as Fat Drop.
Del: So I have heard. I suppose that Gravity was a real lady. She worked on my behalf. She pulled all my weight towards the ground with such force that when I landed, an opposite but equal force pushed back. From those two giants my fat was burned or something close to that. And now I'm a mean and lean love machine!
Zaton: Mean? You seem nice. Lean, definitely. Love machine? Hahahaha. I doubt it.
Del: You want to get your nose broken? I'll throw you off the Building and see if you survive!
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