|After I went into my cave, I felt like there was someone in my cave. Then, there was this smell. The smell was the type of smell that you only usually can smell by the ocean. It smelt like salt and fishy. Then I thought to myself. “What is that delicious smell?”
I looked around my cave with my great eyesight and saw men looking around my cave. The question of who was I going to eat first after all the last time I had human flesh was years ago when I was a child. I fantasized about who would be first to be the beginning of my dinner. Man was I starving and drooling for human flesh. Out of nowhere this one man came up to me.
“Who the heck are you salt man?” I asked before he could say anything stupid.
The man replied, “No, I am a nobody my entire family and friends call me just plain nobody.”
I looked down at the man.
“You’re like an ant down there where the heck did you come from ant town?” I asked him.
Nobody replied “No, I don’t believe I’m from ant town, but if I am I’ll let you know.” “By the way who are you?” Nobody asked.
“I am the owner of this cave and since you’re in my cave I have every power to kill you.”
However, I didn’t give the man time to say anything I just grabbed some of his men and then gobbled them up like an animal that hadn’t eaten its entire life. Then the man named Nobody said something I didn’t quite hear what he had said.
“What in the English world did you just say I didn’t hear a darn eggs bit of what you said?” I asked.
Nobody retorted by saying “I said you have to be kind to your visitors and give them gifts.”
I thought to myself. “Yeah I’ll be kind and give his men gifts when cucumbers learn to fly and when Myspace becomes the only website on Earth.” Then, Nobody looked up at me.
“Where are you from gigantic planet?” He asked.
“No, I’m from Earth you good for nothing monkey stealing pignapping person.” I replied.
“As for the idea of giving you a gift I will let you be eaten last old man.” “However, the day I give your friends a gift is the day pigs learn to fly and Michael Jordan becomes a girl.” I said.
After that conversation with Nobody, I picked up two hand fulls of men and just tossed them into my mouth like they had no bodies at all they were just all meat. I soon began to feel constipated. I continued to eat the men. After an hour or so my stomach settled down I had to go. Let’s just say it’s not a good feeling when you feel like puking. I thought to myself. “I really shouldn’t have eaten my darn fatty fat cattle.” I soon realized I hadn’t asked the man how he got in my cave. I looked at the man named Nobody and he looked back at me.
“How did you guys get into my cave in the first place and don’t say you fell from an airplane?” I asked.
“We got ship wrecked so we went looking for shelter and your cave just happened to be nearby so we came in we didn’t think a one eyed giant lived in here.” Nobody replied.
I finished up my main course of human flesh and decided to have a desert. I grabbed the man named Nobody then I put him in my mouth and started to chew on him a little. I started to drool blood, bones, and organs of the men I had eaten. Then I threw up all the remains of the bodies and then I ate my own vomit because the taste of human flesh tastes great. After that nobody ever visited my cave again. This is my story.