A man with an eating problem turns into a vampire. 5/13/07 Writer's Cramp winner
|“Damn it. I really need to lose some weight.” I thought as I sat down in my favorite chair. This was a common thought for me. Unfortunately, the action that should follow was not so common.
I played football in high school and college. I was very fit back then. But after graduating college, I let myself go. I was set on making the pros after graduating, but I didn’t even get a look from the NFL. After trying out for a couple of semi-pro leagues and getting cut, I gave up. I got a job at Sears and found a new pastime: food.
Now, at age 34, I weigh 245 pounds. I realize that this is an unhealthy weight for my height, five foot ten. In fact, it is beyond unhealthy. I am a fat ass. But I don’t care. I say I’ll lose weight, but I never try. Indulging in food is the only thing I enjoy. If I have to be unpleasant looking and put incredible stress on my heart to fully enjoy myself, so be it.
Anyway, I sat down in my favorite chair after a long day of work and turned on the TV. I started attacking the plate of leftover ribs on my lap. I got through them within minutes, hardly paying attention to my surroundings. It was just me and the ribs. Then they were gone, so I set the plate on the table next to me and continued on to my next favorite activity: napping.
I woke up a short time later in great discomfort. I’m not sure how long I was out, but I noticed that it was dark out. I looked at my skin and saw that it was a pasty white. I figured I must have gotten sick.
I got up and headed over to the mirror. What I saw shocked me. My face and the rest of my body were also pale. I opened up my mouth in horror and noticed something strange in there: a set of very long fangs. It was about then that I realized I had an incredible urge to drink blood. Suddenly, the idea of engorging myself with shrimp scampi and hamburgers seemed disgusting. All I wanted was blood.
I’m not stupid. I understood what had happened to me. I had turned into a vampire. Unfortunately, I wasn’t one of those sexy vampires from the movies. I was still fat. Seducing women and sucking their blood was going to be difficult for me.
I tried to get over the shock of the situation by sitting down in my chair and thinking. The urge for blood was too strong though. I had to drink. So I got up, put on a jacket, and headed out into the night from my apartment.
I got into my crappy ’88 Honda Accord and drove down the street to 7/11. It was close, and the staff consisted of all women. All I could think about was blood. It was a strange sensation because the urge was driven by both sexual desire and physical hunger. Normally, I keep my sexual fantasies and food fantasies separated.
I arrived at 7/11, parked my car, and went inside. I knew that there was going to be no smooth way to pull this off. There was going to be no seduction, just a quick trip behind the counter and into the woman’s neck.
I noticed that the woman behind the counter was not particularly attractive. I didn’t care. I went around the hot dog machine and behind the counter.
“Can I help you?” She asked with a confused look on her face.
I said nothing. I just headed straight for the woman, grabbed her, and sunk my fangs into her neck. Blood seeped out of her veins and into my mouth as she screamed. It felt a little wrong, but it tasted so good. It also pleased me sexually. Let me tell you, it was quite an experience. Never in my life have I gotten sexual gratification while nourishing myself. It was just as satisfying as it sounds.
A female customer came up to the counter and screamed when she saw what was going on. The poor woman. It must be pretty horrifying to see a pale, fat guy sucking the blood from a helpless 7/11 employee. She got out her phone and called 911. I should have tried to interfere, but I just couldn’t stop drinking blood.
Minutes later the police arrived and took my ass to jail. I didn’t resist, but I did try to intimidate them by giving that wide-eyed vampire look while blood seeped out of my mouth. They seemed more confused than anything.
This is where it all ends: jail. My cousin is a great lawyer, so I hired him for my case. He got my sentence down to only two months. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind staying longer. My cell mate is pretty weak and scrawny, so I can easily overpower him and suck his blood. I cover his mouth so he can’t scream. He tells the guards, but they never believe him.
I haven’t had to go outside yet. I still haven’t seen the sun since I’ve been here. I can’t eat any of the food either. It disgusts me. My diet consists purely of my cell mate’s blood. At least this way I’ll lose some weight.
Word Count: 900