a comedy for a halo 2 machinima
| MACHINIMA: Not as easy as it looks.
Jim: Camera man
Freddy: Guy who organizes it all.
Bill: The background guy
Legolas4987: claims to be an elven warrior? Special effects expert
Random hobo guy: explains it all
Random players (about 10)
Horsey-sarus: an elite/ horse
Timmantha: don’t ask about her, he won’t tell you about himself…yes, himself
The Cop: a cop
Mg gruff: The crime elite
The Pimp: don’t be hatin’
Scene starts out as a maroon, orange and red guy stand next to a warthog
As it zooms out, random comments about pumas and the shoe company are heard,
It zooms out until it reaches Jim and Freddy
Jim: man, look at them, they star in a few semi-popular MACHINIMAS and now what? There famous!!
Freddy: yea, I wish we could be like them.
Jim: when they got that part at that addition right after me, I was so depressed; I started taking drugs for a week!
(Random cop runs in)
Cop: remember kids! Drugs are bad! Come on mgruff the crime elite!
(Cop runs out of screen, followed by elite)
Elite: Mgruff KILL!!!
Cop: good boy
Freddy: I’ve got it! We’ll make our own machinima movie!
Jim: WOOHOO, YA!!
(Elite jumps on Jim from off screen)
Elite: drugs no more!
Jim: DEAR SWEET MERCIFULL CHRIST! MY SPLEIN!
(Freddy laughs and starts walking away)
Scene fades out and ends.
Scene fades into Freddy walking toward a building in headlong, Jim runs up followed by a hobo.
Jim: Hey, I got an actor for the movie! All he wants is to be paid a dollar to!
Freddy: were did you find a Hobo in a poverty free city?
(Scene flashes to black and white and shows Jim walking along the road, the hobo jumps out from behind a crate with a sword)
Hobo: gimme a dollar or ill cut your nuts off!
Jim: Sweet lord! Heres a dollar!
(Flashes back to present)
Jim: look! He even does tricks! (Turns to hobo) Jump hobo! (Hobo jumps)
Fetch the donut (throws a grenade/donut, hobo runs after it)
Hobo: Woof! I’m a clown!
Freddy: ok, im convinced.
Jim: so, were we going anyway?
Freddy: an old friend. He was in a lot of movies after high school; we lost contact with each other about 7 years ago.
(Shows them walking across the bridge near the over shield, facing the camera, they stop and you here a doorbell. Jim and Freddy face each look around while he comes to the door)
They both turn at the same time
Freddy: Tim! Its gre-HOLY SHIT!!!!
(A pink guy answers the door, obviously a guy voice acting like a girl and squeals.)
Jim: (whispering to Freddy) you never told me your friend is a tranny…
Scene fades and ends to black.
End scene 2
MAP: ivory tower / headlong
Freddy and Jim are scene walking away from the building
Jim: that was creepy and disturbing on so many levels its unbelievable….I’m never
Eating a raisin bagel EVER again.
Freddy: I didn’t know the human body could flex that way…
Jim: it would have been better if the pimp hadn’t shown up…
(Flashes to inside apartment, shows the pimp beating up Jim)
PIMP: Come on busta! Don’t be stealing my ho’! S
(Shows Jim crouch and back toward the corner)
JIM: I’m sorry!!! No more!
(The pimp pushes him off of the balcony of the house, the scene flashes back to present)
Freddy: but think of it this way, we needed a girl anyway…even if it is creepy and unnatural.
Fades to Ivory Tower
Jim: ok, you sure Bill won’t turn out to be a freak? We have enough off those already
Freddy: he’s fine im sure he wont be a freak, he’s in college for gods sake
Jim: this movies a bitch so far though….
(A random nerd runs up to them)
Legolas4987: hello fellow compatriot’s to the entertainment cause.
(They stare at nerd for a few seconds; the pimp runs in and yells:
PIMP: who the shizzle are you?!
Jim: ya, what the pimp said
Pimp: SHUT UP HO! (Punches Jim then runs away)
Legolas4987: As a wood elf of gloriel, I sense your entertainment peril
I have come to allow you use of my mystic abilities of cross realism vision scenes
Freddy: what the **** is he saying?
Jim: he thinks he’s a wood elf….that’s all I get.
Legolas4987: DAMMIT! I AM THE MIGHTY Legolas4987! AND I AM A GLORIEL ELF! NOT A SIMPLE WOOD ELF!
Jim: what ever, your hired.
Freddy: here comes bill, I called ahead to avoid another incident like the pimp
Jim: god be praised…
Bill: (followed by an elite) hey guys, im bringing along my pet for my movie.
Freddy: Sure that’s- (interrupted by Jim)
Jim: SWEET LORD! WHAT IS THAT THING!?
Bill: its horse elite.
Jim: can it carry my beer and snack cakes?
Bill: yes, bu-
Jim and Freddy: (at the same time) it can stay.
Jim: DIBS! I get first ride! (Jumps on elites back and falls off)
Jim: F-ing, ow…
Freddy: well, looks like we have our main cast (camera slowly zooms in on him)
And now, we shall make the greatest movie the world has ever kno-(interrupted by star trek music, they all turn and face legolas)
Legolas4987: ooo, sorry compatriot….
Scene shows the group huddled around a computer, the nerd is in front.
Jim: Ok, so, the first few scenes we can be….doing…um…geez, bill, you got any ideas?
Fred: well, come on, we have to get this script written so we can…you know…MAKE THE MOVIE.
Jim: okay, you think of something.
Fred: what? No way! I’m not taking that much responsibility!
Jim: well, I’m the camera man, YOU write it.
*long period of silence follows*
Legolas4987: (quietly) I have an idea…
Everyone at once: NO!
Bill: you know what screw this; let’s just leach off the popularity of other films.
Fred: you know what? That’s not a bad idea…quick! To the interwebs! We can try and find the scripts to the most popular movies ever! Now how do I exit Microsoft word….ah! There it is
(Interrupted by legolas4987)
Legolas4987: NO! Wait! You don’t want to exit this program!!
(Scene zooms out of the building, screams are heard)
Bill: (in background) WHO THE FUCK LOOKS AT ELF PORN?!
Lots of extras needed.
Shows the group outside of the red base.
The cop and Fred are seen walking up to the others.
Cop: okay, you permit for an audition location has passed…ill just be here to make sure nothing goes wrong.
Bill: hmmm, seems fair enough.
Fred: yea, I’ve known him for a few years; he’s a very good cop, and very, very fair.
Cop: (turns around) OOOHHH, MIIIIEEE, GGAAAWWWDD!!!!
(A person walks by with a elite)
Cop: (screaming) DO YOU HAVE A LEASH FOR THAT ANIMAL?!!? DO YOU!!?
Cop: THAT’S IT! HANDS IN THE AIR! HANDS IN THE FUCKING AIR!
Person: but…but…I didn’t do anything?!
Cop: That’s it! FREEZE! DON’T FUCKING MOVE! (pulls out pistol)
Timmantha: oohh, he’s so dominating…
(scene shows the group staring at timmantha)
Timmantha: what? Tea-hea…
(Screaming is heard, the cop is also heard yelling. Gunshots are heard. As soon as they are, the camera turns around and shows the cop shooting the person on the ground over and over.)
Cop: (walking over to the group) okay people, don’t worry, the threat is taken care of.
Hobo: (runs over to body) Woo-hoos! A wallesh! Monies for boosh! (Booze)