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by Acme
Rated: E · Monologue · Entertainment · #1284452
Why I believe in the power of terrible spelling
I love bad spelling, on the whole.. hole..hoel..~0~

I just can't stand it when people get precious about it, after all, most school systems now introduce a series of phonetic learning to introduce the concept of wordsmithing to impressionable kids.~1~

I'm English. Surely, as my native tongue, I'm allowed to use it how I want? All spelling was entirely subjective until Mr Johnson created his Dictionary. He's dead. He won't be offended by me. ~2~

The problem I've always had is in regard to double letters. In my opinion, they are only necessary when making a distinction between jumping up and down and optimistically desiring the best: hoping.~3~

And why don't American's like my U's? Colour, Flavour, Humour, Etc. I like my U's. I need my U's. ~4~

Just don't get me started on punctuation. I think lots of commas are pretty.~5~


"I before E, except after C!"~7~


So, 'wierd' that 'thier' doesn't fit in the rhyme? I've amended it:~9~

I before E, exept after C~10~
and any odd words that there happen to be~11~
I beforfe E, except when it's 'weird'~12~
and when you can write it illegibly~13~
I before E, except after C~14~
but not when you write 'conscientiously'?~15~

Always mistrusted that rhyme.~16~

the following is a fabulous review I received from Meg - Thank you!~17~

With A Review For "The Badd Spelor:~18~
My dear Badd Spelor~19~

One thing I learned when I went to school~20~
Was always obey the golden rule.~21~
And now you've gone and wrecked it for me,~22~
I'll never believe now that it's "i" before "e".~23~

I'm Aussie, and English is the language we use,~24~
And we, like you, have a penchant for "u's".~25~
Humour's a lonely word for me too,~26~
If I can't make a funny including You too.~27~

One little hiccup I found in your rhyme~28~
Was a word that you used demonstrating the crime~29~
of not obeying the hard and fast law~30~
that "e" follows "i" and does not come before.~31~

The word that you mentioned, and I query, is "thier"~32~
I believe it's spelt "their" as the rule does declare.~33~
I'm not being picky, I love your neat poem,~34~
I'll get back in my box now, and head off back home.~35~

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