by Sjolie Moore
Time is lost and trying to catch up on life.
|At the age of 24 I have been told for my second time by doctors that my heart is giving up on and me I don't have that much longer to live. I am currently on the heart transplant list, but the doctors have told me that there is no promise that I will live long enough to see a new heart. I am so confused because I am so young. Have the things that I have done in my past been the primary reason I am ill now? Is this a punishment for those actions?
My best friend tells me that she wants me to live with her and her girlfriend so that if I need anything then she will do her best to make sure that I have what I need. However, my best friend is also a very recent ex-girlfriend. Is this smart? I don't know and I don't care, because she is all I have out here in Las Vegas and I can't go back to my home town for other reasons. How do I go about telling my family in Indiana and Florida that I am ill? Should I call them and tell them over the phone, or should I send all of them emails? I have so much to do and I am angry because I had so many plans for my future. I want a family, I want someone to love. This woman that I am interested in told me yesterday that as much as she does care about me she is afraid to get close to me because she doesn't want to lose me, but at the same time she said that there is a reason I have come into her life, and that reason is because I have brought something into her life that she didn't have before. However, she did not get specific. I left it alone, and didn't say anything, but I understand.
Now I am thinking that she should allow herself to get close to me, because we could have a strong relationship regardless if it stays platonic or developes into an intimate relationship. As the old saying goes it is better to have loved and lost then not to have loved at all. I hold this very close to my heart, and hopefully she will realize this and we can talk. I truly care for this woman and all i can do is show her the way I feel.... This is just me writing and I am sorry that it was to all of the readers here on writing.com, but thank you for your time.