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Rated: E · Column · Experience · #1292039
about me and my life
:::New Day, New Beginning, New Me::::

To make an official fast forward...I started going out with my current boyfriend J, but I still had in the back of my mind, my first. I've had 3 boyfriends in the 19 years I have lived and he is the one from my past that will always be in my heart. Even if I am married or in a serious relationship, I will always think of him and talk to him to see how he is doing. I found myself last year in a love triangle, lost my way and wound up single but still dating my first. He truely left an impact in my heart, from looking at me, or him staying up late to talk to me on the phone. He is a good friend and I find myself again in a love triangle. Something about him, makes me come back to him, but I don't want to loose him because he is a part of me. I haven't reached in love with my ex, but I do have love for him.

Starved for Affection and Romance vs Reality Check

I too found myself starved for affection and romance. First, dating my ex was probably the most erotic and adventurous thing I have ever done in my life which is a 'bitter sweet" feeling. He was always busy, which left me to my minimum wage+ tips job while he made money like he worked for law firms. Starved for romance/ affection meaning trying to desesperatly find the right one, by making desperate stupid moves to be with some1. Second, when it came to hanging out with him, I would get butterflies, which I never got with anyone else and self anaylize everything I did and beat myself up for idiotic comments. I am caught in the biggest love triangle of my life so far: My First vs My Bf. I lust and yearn for the ex because when its us together, its no one else, which makes it sweet from the "bitter sweet" complex. The only bitter part was him going away. But you have to do what you have to do at the end of the day and things need to get done. Also, my bf I beleive is the only one that can put up with my "weirdness". I want to give my first another chance but I do love my bf.

Self Analysis
Looking back at my life so far, I have made a few accomplishments, but I didnt do what I wanted. My life has not ended yet, with many years to come, I plan on changing alot of peoples lives. I immediatly saw how much of an impact I had on his life, but also on my first which makes it harder for me. I DO NOT want to hurt anybodys feelings, but either way you look at it, someone will get disapointed. TBC
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