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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/1292891-Forget-Maytag-Do-the-Roomba-Rumba
Rated: 13+ · Short Story · Activity · #1292891
Strickly in fun, but a good lesson about humans over machines.

Recently, my front loading washing machine went berserk. Its  door flew open and water gushed out all over my floor. I figured, well it's probably time to get a new washing machine anyway. I mean, it was only a Maytag Neptune reaching its seventh birthday. Why would I expect  more from an overpriced white elephant that had at least four service calls in those seven years?  I must have been irrational! It was supposed to be the Cadillac of washing machines.
A few days later, my  oh, so powerful, light weight  Orek vacuum cleaner fell apart. Yes, you've got it, the Cadillac of vacuum cleaners. This one may have reached the ripe old age of four.

Since that time I have been pondering my options on a new vacuum cleaner. Pow! It hit me right between the eyes! (well, not literally, guys, wake up!)  I am going to get one of those vacuums that does the work by itself while I'm away from home or watching television. You know the one I mean, right? It is called Roomba!

I researched  all I could find about this wonderful creation. It keeps going until the job is done. When it needs a charge it goes to its re-charger and plugs itself in thus, automatically returning to its "home". 

This is the vacuum cleaner for me!

I believe in working smarter. I also believe in being prepared. In view of the fact that my luck with electronic devices has been, well, let's just say pretty bad, I have  planned ahead on how I could get even with this smart machine.

Suppose I am in a bad mood? Do I walk over to the helpless computerized creature and give it good swift kick? Nooooooo, that would be way too easy and would not require much thought on my part. No, I would get even  with this scientific wonder by bringing  it to the second floor of the house and leaving its "home"  downstairs. It wants to return to its home, but I will have blocked the passage to the stairway keeping it from its charger. It will become weak and then die! Man over machine or woman in my case; I will win!

Okay I know, way too much time on my hands. Nevertheless, the darn electronic machines have let me down in the past. Therefore, I must protect my sanity with some creative back-up plan.

On the other hand,  with my luck lately the Roomba will probably beat me down first. You see, I live in an old house, a very old house, an 1844 Colonial Greek Revival, type old house, get the drift? Old houses such as this one tend to have uneven, wood planked floors.  Imagine this Roomba getting stuck between planks or not quite making it over one particularly warped floor board.  Well all hell would break loose! Just think of the rise in law suits from lawyers protecting the "Roombas with Disabilities Act of 2007". I will be forced to even out those planks, or possibly be  mandated to install itty bitty ramps for easy Roomba access. Who would have thought the expenses that could be incurred with these machines? 

More alarming than that, is the idea that the little creature from hell will hide under my sofa and wait for me to walk by, and then roll out at the exact moment needed to knock me off my feet!

I shall ponder my vacuum choice a little longer.

Wait, this cannot be!. My son just informed me that our lawn mower's clutch cable broke off.

Well, now I'm really mad! 
*PointRight* *Angelic**WitchHat* *PointLeft* 

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