The fourth installment of my blockbuster story, by popular demand!
The Search For Voldebby
Remmie stared out the open window. The place where the cloaked figure disapparated was now a smoking brown circle in the Astroturf. Remmie ran out of the bedroom to alert his other brothers of the mystery at hand.
He managed to drag Albie and Argie from behind the couch.
“Awww, just as it was getting good!” they whined in unison.
Remmie realized Amy and Jason were FAR too busy to notice anything, so he formulated a plan. He and his five brothers would escape through the back window, but not until they dug through their mother's closet. Remmie thought it would be a good idea to have as many magical items as possible, even though Dra-ville seemed to be the only wizard in the clan.
Harseverius was rocking back and forth on the worn shag carpeting, still shaken from Amy's saliva fest.
Remmie grabbed his hand. Harseverius didn’t budge. Remmie finally picked up His traumatized brother and attempted to carry him to the bedroom. This was no mean feat, since they were roughly the same size. Harseverius kicked, bit and screamed in protest.
Nevertheless, Remmie was strong,(thanks to his lycanthropic heritage) and he hoisted Harseverius over his shoulders, jogging easily toward the back bedroom.
The only boy left to round up was Ron Jr. Remmie had no idea where his redheaded brother might be hiding. He looked to the other boys for suggestions. All of them shrugged their shoulders except Dra-ville, who had raised his webbed hand in the air, waving it frantically.
Remmie rolled his eyes. “Okay, little brother, what’s your suggestion?”
“ACCIO PEPSI!” bellowed Dra-ville. In two seconds flat, Ron Jr. came hurtling through the air, clutching a half-empty two-liter bottle of Pepsi. He had a Pepsi mustache and a sheepish look on his face. He landed with a splash on his mother's waterbed, puncturing the blue vinyl surface through the 100 thread count K-mart sheets. Greenish, algae smelling water bubbled up from the mattress, soaking the sheets.
“Coool! Puddles!” screeched Albie and Argie in unison, and they jumped on the bed to have some splashing fun.
“Never mind the puddles,” howled Remmie, “Voldebby has been kidnapped!”
The boys stopped their shenanigans and looked at their hairy brother. “We need to find her,” he whimpered, tears forming in his amber eyes, threatening to soak his fuzzy face. “And I don’t think we’ll be able to do it without magic. Is everyone with me?”
The boys blinked at Remmie, as if they had no clue about what he was babbling. Remmie sighed. “Oh never mind, ON TO MOM’S CLOSET!”
They began digging through the closet and found their mothers’ old school trunk, which Dra-ville opened with a perfectly enunciated “Aloha Mora!”
Albie looked at Argie. Argie looked at Harseverius. The three boys stared at their youngest brother in awe. Remmie still could not figure out how his dimwitted brother learned magic.
They found a wand, which Remmie reluctantly gave to Dra-ville. They found a strange little hourglass thingy on a golden chain. This went to Harseverius, since he was so fond of shiny things. Remmie took possession of his mothers’ old school broom, and Ron Jr. refused to take anything, since that would mean letting go of his Pepsi.
“My Precioussssssss!” hissed Ron Jr., as he lovingly stroked the contoured surface of the bottle.
Albie and Argie were arguing over the old striped knee socks and tie, when they spied something at the very bottom of the trunk. It was an enormous taxidermied ginger cat, with a very sour expression on its poorly preserved face.
“Cool! This is creepy!” Albie sighed in a dreamy-awed kind of voice
“Gimme that cat!” screamed Argie. Somehow, seeing that stiffened cat brought back very bad feelings.
Albie was very empathic towards his twin brother, so he grudgingly gave the huge stuffed orange cat to Argie, but not until he traded for the knee socks and tie.
Argie stroked the mummified cat’s dusty fur, which came out in clumps, and cried. “She’s been petrified… Mrs. Norris…”
When each boy had received something from the trunk, Remmie closed the lid, scattering moths like a cave full of bats.
One by one, they climbed through the small window, landing unceremoniously on the Astroturf below. The oldest boys went first and helped the younger ones through, except Dra-ville, who floated to the ground effortlessly.
Holding hands, the boys approached the charred spot where the cloaked man had disapparated. It was still smoking, and Harseverius touched it without thinking.
It was a good thing they had linked hands, because the charred spot was a portkey. They screamed as their young bodies were seemingly turned inside out, whooshing through a labyrinth of blackness and bright sparkly flashes of light.
The boys landed unconscious in a pile on top of a one-story building.
Remmie was the first to awaken. Brushing the dust off his tail, stood up to assess the situation. He was surprised to discover the building they had landed on was none other than the local Super Wal-Mart, where his mother, brothers and he had spent many happy hours.
Why on Earth would a portkey go through the trouble of bringing us within a block of our house? Remmie mused to him self, as a large pigeon landed on Ron Jr.s’ face and began pecking at his freckles.
Remmie peered down from his lofty perch and watched as various muggles entered and exited the store. The automatic doors made an ominous hiss as they opened and closed. Remmie marveled at the variety of shapes and sizes that comprised the muggle population.
Just then, a tall man exited the store. Remmie could only see the top of his head, but he could tell it was the same man who kidnapped Voldebby. The man was pushing a large shopping cart laden with multiple packages of Pampers and Huggies, Gatorade and toilet paper. In the front of the cart sat Voldebby, munching from a large plastic bag of popcorn and cooing happily to herself.
Remmie’s heart clinched in longing for his baby sister. He missed her bulging green eyes and slit-like nostrils. He missed her pallid gray skin and large floppy ears. He even missed her rotten-egg smell.
Just then, Voldebby looked up. She saw Remmie and waved at him. “WEMMIE!” she shouted.
The cloaked man looked up in panic, and cursed loudly. He ran with the cart to what looked like a phone booth and shoved the cart inside. In a blinding flash of green light, the phone booth vanished, leaving (you guessed it) a smoking brown circle.
Remmie leapt into action, waking his comatose brothers. He paused a few seconds before waking Ron Jr.; he enjoyed watching the gathering flock of pigeons pecking on his snooty brother. Alas, the good guy in him emerged and he shook Ron Jr. back to consciousness.
Remmie hopped on his mothers’ old broom, and prepared to leap off the roof of the store.
“Garrghfurrgha!” cried Dra-ville.
Remmie could somehow understand his youngest brothers garbled speaking. “Garrghfurrgha” meant “Stop, in the name of love!” Remmie paused, looking at the blond, round-faced miniature wizard.
Thoroughly annoyed, Remmie whined, “What now, Dra-ville?”
“WINGARDIUM LEVIOSA!” screamed Dra-ville, dramatically swishing and flicking his mothers’ wand.
The six boys were lifted off the ground and onto the broom. Remmie noticed with delight the broom had lengthened to hold all of them.
All of them, except Ron Jr. He cradled the two liter close to his body, his chin trembling in apprehension.
“Come ON Ronnie, get on the broom!” yelled Albie and Argie, in a blind panic.
Ron Jr. didn’t budge.
Remmies’ pupils contracted. His breathing became labored. A low rumbling sound escaped his lips. He really couldn’t handle stress like this, it often triggered his episodes. His hands tightened on the broom, the lengthening fingernails gouging splintery troughs in the wooden handle.
“GET… ON… THE… BROOM… RIGHT… NOW,” Remmie growled at Ron Jr.
With a terrified “eep!” Ron Jr. jumped on the broom, cowering to the back bristles where he clung tight to the handle and trembled.
“That’s better,” Remmie retorted, returning to normal. He didn’t notice his other brothers had gone silent. They knew better than to mess with Remmie when he was having an “episode.”
The boys soared off the roof of the Super Wal-mart, and landed gently by the smoking brown spot. They looked at each other and clasped hands, gathering in a tight circle around the charred sphere.
“Ready?” asked Remmie.
The boys just nodded in silence, still leery of their lycanthropic brother.
“Then let’s get on with it!” he demanded, matter-of-factly. Remmie touched the overcooked brown spot with his foot, and the boys were immediately swallowed in a swooshing vortex of chaos.
To the outside world, it appeared a large roman candle had been set off in the Wal-mart parking lot. Green and red sparks flew everywhere, accompanied by an ear splitting screech. Car alarms were going off, and the pigeons that had been dining on Ron Jr.s’ freckles imploded, feathers scattering asunder.
Now you think the muggles would have noticed the strange goings on in the parking lot, but they did not. This was Wal-Mart after all, and unusual sightings were the norm for this store.
Just try looking at the greeter. If that doesn’t give you the creeps, nothing will!