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Rated: E · Column · Comedy · #1299487
Take A Walk On The Debating Side - Panty Hose vs Naked Legs
    Take a walk on the debating side  - Panty Hose vs Naked Legs.  Is a lady truly not dressed up if she isn’t wearing a pair of panty hose?  It can be said it depends on the legs or the L’eggs. 

    Some uppity, snotty nosed, better than you are women feel it is totally and socially unacceptable for a true-blue lady to don a $300.00 Ann Taylor York Sateen suit, a $625.00 pair of Prada Valentina Jester slingbacks and not don a $3.99 pair of panty hose.  The horrid look on the faces of those uppity women tell it all as the so-called true-blue lady struts her stuff in front of them thinking she is her fancy self and far superior because she knows how to dress and spends a fortune doing it. 

    A good reason panty hose is vital is because tanned fat looks better than white fat.  Ladies with tanned legs really have on fake panty hose so they are “covered” but for those legs whiter than a sheet or as blotchy as a puffy cloud the real thing is a must. Panty hose can give you that tanned look without sitting for hours sweatin’ in the hot sun or closing your eyes tight for twenty solid minutes in a tanning bed.  Buying panty hose at $3.99 sure beats a $39.99 monthly tanning sessions, that’s for sure.

    Another good reason and the best I’ve heard so far is the hiding part.  Panty hose can hide all sort of ukky flaws – like cellulite, stretch marks, and gobs of fat if you get the right pair.  Take the L’eggs Sheer Energy taupe panty hose – they are dark and thick because they vow to energize and exercise your legs as you walk, run, or cross your legs.  Of course, they squash your fat until it billows up to your stomach making three rolls out of it and up to your boobs making them a DD instead of a B. Your face swells up bigger than a bullfrog and turns red like a scarlet letter because all the blood has rushed to your head. They are so tight that you start to sweat from pulling and tugging them up your legs that it feels like you’re getting into a wet suit instead. 

    Don’t you dare wear a pair of thigh highs with a long skirt and an even longer slit in it.  Nothing is more gross than seeing rolls of white bumpy cellulite pouring over the edge that wiggles when you walk.  Sitting down is even worse – your thighs look like cottage cheese for crying out loud. 

    I tell you what, do the eyeballs of America a favor and keep those legs with all its bumps, dents, and Jello wiggling fat hidden behind a good pair of panty hose.  Trust me, the eyes of those uppity, snotty nosed, better than you are women are watching for you to come along.  They are the Panty Hose Police.  Mark that down in your little daybook. 

    Until next time…..take a walk on the debating side.

....take care.....SaraJane.....
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