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Rated: E · Column · Comedy · #1301900
Just how far would a packrat really packrat? Man or Woman!!
                                          Take A Walk
                                            by SaraJane

                Take a walk on the Packrat’s side.  A true blue packrat probably can’t remember when it all got started – the need to horde things.  But stuff is jammed and crammed in every nook and cranky of a house, a garage, or a storage building rented for a $100.00 a month to keep it all in. 

         Packrat hording makes a house seem to swell up bigger than a bullfrog.  A packrat does have to be careful because most of the time they don’t remember where they put something so they just go buy it again. Why, one I found five packages of glue sticks I bought for my hot glue gun in my panty drawer – how on earth did they get there?  Sometimes we packrats strategically put things in different places so we don’t have to look very far for the stuff we may need at the drop of a hat or at a moment’s notice.

         Just think of the money saved if you only kept stuff that be can be used again and again.  Think of all those ugly looking birthday presents you get and have no intentions of using or dare displaying..  Keep ‘em – next time you give a gift to someone you already have the present, the wrapping paper to wrap it in, the ribbon to tie it all up in,  and it didn’t cost a penny.  God Lord A’Mercy, talk about savings!

         Men get so aggravated at wives because they didn’t seem to be a packrat when they married them so why did they turn into one after the “I do’s?  Well, would you be married if this dark side had been “out there” for the world to see - the need to horde?  It’s the need to hang on to things that appear to be trivial like rinsed out Ziplock storage bags drying on the kitchen sink, the crumpled Reynold’s Wrap smoothed out to use again, or the leftover wrapping paper folded neatly with the matching ribbon rolled up ready for the next birthday present. 

         We women packrats keep dresses two sizes too small in hopes of one day finally getting back into it.  We keep the two sizes too big to remind us we never want to get that big ever again.  We keep the first drawing our children ever drew and every report card since Kindergarten.  School pictures, K-12 grades, are placed in scrapbooks costing $10.00 a page to make for all the family to see whether they want to or not.  Every card, every sticky note that was EVER written are kept FOREVER.  We women packrats know the value of such as all of this. 
          I tell you what, though, men packrats can be just as bad as women packrats but that’s never brought up, I guarantee you that!  They keep every nut and bolt they’ve ever bought, every screw in every size available.  Just how much difference is a screw hole between a ¼’ to a ½’ anyway?  I mean, if you’re hanging up something with a screw it’s going into a hole that has all that empty space on the other side of the sheet rock anyway. Besides, once it’s screwed in and tightened the size won’t make a bit of difference.

         And tell me, why do men have to keep every doorknob from every house they ever lived in?  Some go back as far as the Depression Era, for pete’s sake.  Men think that they will use them one day.  Women, on the other hand, will steal the GLASS  knobs  - the good stuff from the Depression Era -  to SELL  them for $25.00 a piece at an antique store.  They’re worth some money, MEN!  But you know what?  They don’t have a clue to their value – they just think the knobs are functional. 

         Let’s discuss the just how many shovels a man really needs?  So what if the spade part has different shapes.  What IN the cat hair IS the difference between a round point, a square point or a digging shovel anyway?  Isn’t a hole dug a hole dug? 

         I tell you what, don’t knock a packrat – man or woman.  One day when you least expect it you are going to need that stuff.  That is, if you can FIND where you put.  Yessir, that’s why I have glue sticks in my panty drawer!  Beside, think of all that money and time saved if you already HAVE it.  - why, the money saved may very well just put a kid or two through college. Time, well you can just use that sitting back drinking a cool one after the hole is dug.  Mark that down in your little daybook. 

         Until next time…..take a walk on the Packrat’s side.

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