Drunken Legal Blippet

I am the king. Of rock and roll. Tell me please, I gots to know.

Yes, I'm drunk. Yet, I seem to be writing, too. Man, I'm impressed with my own typing skills.

Anyways, I got the house, I got the job, and I got the money. I'm a lawyer with a firm specializing in (what else?) automobile accidents. The guys I work with are dicks-- the unethical kind you'd expect to see chasing an ambulance down the street, briefcase in hand. Dammit, I expected something better with the grades I got in law school. But with the market as tight as it is, I guess I should be happy to be employed.

So I won't go into how cheesy the TV ads for my firm are, and how no client leaves the office without a mug or T-shirt or refridgerator magnet with our firm's logo across it. That would be a breach of professional courtesy. No, instead, I'll write about what happened this morning as I got into the office. One of the senior partners was answering phone calls; of course, the third question you always ask is "How did you hear about our firm?" which tracks the marketing and determines whether we should concentrate more funding on radio or television. He gets off the phone and I tell him that I just came across the worst kind of case.

"How so?"

"The jackass was backing out and dragged his rear against the side of my car, denting it and busting the tail light."

"Did you get the name and insurance number?"

"Yes."

"You got the contact info?"

"Yes."

"And you said your car was legally parked when this happened?"

"Yes."

"So what's the problem? We could..."

"You know how I've been telling my wife that our driveway's too narrow for two cars to park on it side-by-side?"

The look across his face tells me he gets the irony, and rapport is built. Yes, it happened that morning, just like I said it did. But I made him laugh, which may have bought me one more senior partner willing to vouch for me next time I screw up on a letter of representation.

By the by, did you know that you can get disability through social security for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, even if you're four years old? Of course, you'd have to be low on dignity and high on crazy to fill out that kind of request, but stranger things have happened. Like suing the manufacturer of plastic plants because said plastic plants are not edible.

But that's a whole other story.

P.S., my legal contact information, in case you are interested in pursuing such a claim is [information redacted by Ohio Bar Association, Ethics Committee].

Best regards,

Chris