A women's search for freedom and happiness but finds she had it all along. (Parenting)
It was a fall afternoon, when it happened again. Writer's Block. Robin hated it, because that meant that she would have to work harder for her children. And she would have more to worry about. It was already enough that she had bills, and taxes, and work! What was the world trying to do to her?! She hated it, the pressure and torture of it all. She looked around her small room and her eyes fell on the far left wall.
Ryan's window was open, and the crisp autum air was blowing in throw the curtains of her room, gently kissing her arm and making the thin hairs stand on end. The maple tree just outside the small room was dancing, glorious red and orange leaves playfully twilering around the mighty tree. The wind was blowing the smell of earth, and dirt, and life into her room. Ryan inhalied it and turned back to her computer.
She looked up at the screen hoping that by some strange mirical an idea would blow out from the window and onto the blank page of her WordPerfect document_ She sighed in defeat when she scanned it and found none.
Faintly she heard a bird's chirping and wished she could be that bird. Closing her eyes Ryan imagined seeing throw the eyes of the bird. It would be a robin, she was sure of it, magnificent red feathers spreading out across the blue sky. Matching the ground but clashing with the sky, it would sore and twist, and sing out it's wonderful songs of beauty to the world that had long since forgotten such things as nature. Long since forgotten the simplier things in life, and the more imgagitave ways of thinking.
Ryan pulled away from the hideuos reminder of her writer's block. She slowly hit the Stand By button on her computer and ran from the room. Leaving behind her the world of troubles and worries, money, and work she ran to join the dances and celebration of life. She listened to the crunching sound her feet made as she darted from her house and out to the tree.
Her hands travled across the trunk of it, and her feet traced lines into the roots. Her fingers felt all that they could of the holes, indents, and bumps on the trunk. Her hair blew wildly in the turrent of leaves, red, and warmth. Ryan opened her brown eyes and looked into the sky. She searched it until she found what she was looking for. Her gaze fell on the robin, so she had been right.
Ryan stretched her arms out wide, the wind blew harder, and it sent her jacket into a frenzy. She imagined herself as the robin again, free and beautiful. Gliding through the skies, looking down at the world below her, and never coming down. She could see herself flying, but never getting tired or hungrey.
"Yes..." She breathed again.
This was what she wanted, this was what she had been looking for. This is what she had been searching for! An escape. A way out of the world and the troubles that it had brought, away from the death and torment. Far, far from the worry. So tempting was the promsie of the robin, so unreal and wanting was the vast skies and land that lay just ahead of her ready to be exploered as the robin she could be.
Just leave, was all she had to do. Drop her work, abandon her home, and forget life's troubles was the small price she had to pay for becoming that robin.
Gasping Ryan saw glips of two small children. Playing in a field, red halos casting off from the light that framed their red-ish brown hair. The boy was tanned and small, running with the little girl that looked so much like him that they must have been twins. Their laughter drowned out the sound of the robin momentarily as they continued on.
Tears slide from the corners of Ryan's eyes as she watched them fade away with the rest of the world she was prepared to leave behind. She cried a horrible broken sound, wheezing for breathe as she turned her back on the robin and ran after them. The robin did nothing but watch as she too faded into the world that it had tried to tempt her from.
She kept running, never slowing, even as her legs groaned in protest and screamed out in pain. But Ryan was a mother, and as she remembered the faces of her two small children she cared not of anything else but getting back to them. No robin, no promises, and no freedom was enough to forget her children. Hard as life was, even as a robin, she could not explore and fly and be free, without them.
She swung open the front door of her house. Grabbing her car keys she drove away as soon as she had the keys in the ignition, not even bothering to put her seat belt on. She drove faster than she ever had before and sped the entire way to the elementary that her children attended. The car came to a stretching halt and Ryan wasted no time bolting out of the car and into the main office of the school.
"My children!" She cried out in a panic, earning a startled look from the women at the front desk.
"Their names... their names are Ashley and Drake Hale. Their twins, I'm their mom and I came to pick them up early." The women behind the desk nodded once before calling their classroom and informing the teacher that they were going home.
Ryan sat on a chair in the office nervously waiting for her children. She was afraid, the office had a window with a beautiful view of the outside. The outside that had the robin, with all it's promises, freedom, and bliss. Ryan had to see her children, she had to or she was scared that she might leave them to become one of the robins. She wasn't so sure if that was what she wanted anymore.
"Mommy?" Her head shot up, scanning the dimly lighted room for the source of the small, innocent voice. Searching for Ashley.
"Mom, what happened? Why are you here?" Blind eyes continued looking for her children, still seeing only the red robin.
"Are you okay? Mommy your scaring me! What's wrong?" Red, red, red, where were they! Her vision was fogged, it was still searching for the robin, and the freedom, not her children. Ryan focused harder, straining to see them, willing her eyes to find the only things that mattered to her.
Forget the robin! Forget the freedom, she would be prisoner forever to the pain of the real world as long as she could see her children again. Nothing mattered, now she knew that, because without them, without Ashley and Drake, her world was non- existent.
The red in her head wavered, shapes started to take form and the dimly lighted office came back into view. The red was slowly seeping away, out of her body and out of her mind. She saw her children, worried expressions etched on their angelic faces. Suddenly she embraced them, crying and only hanging on to them.
Ryan wanted to live her life with her children, no more red, no more robins. She could live without those, but not without the two confused children still in her arms. What a fool she had been, tempted by a bird, and happiness from the world. All her happiness, and her world was right in front of her! She could learn to deal with the good things and bad things that came with the world, she would learn.
She didn't have to have no freedom and no life, but she didn't need the robin either. No more would she long to escape, no more would she long for skies rather than the ground. Only would she long for happiness, and the rest of her life with her children. A life that would only appreciate the beauty of the robin, not wish to be the robin it's self.