after being sexually assulted sunshine goes home:concept writing
|It's important that you read little miss sunshine/sweet dreams first. All comments are not only welcome, but needed. This is a concept piece I'm doing any input would be great. I'm trying NOT to follow a "norm" write style. This is more in the realm of creative writting...yet it's not. I'm not looking for constructive critique, but honest thoughts and feelings you have on this and the former piece: little miss sunshine/sweet dreams. I understand the subject is a hard one to look at. which is why your feelings are important to me. NEGITIVE emotion, spit fire it at will, praise if ya wanna, but please use the star system according to the writting and not the subject. work in progress.
AT THE DOOR
At the door of her house, two double doors....the left one is open.
she's walking back home now her mind is blank, she doesn't know why she is here on the street she doesn't remember going to this place. She hums a tune melancholily, her eyes on the sidewalk, the leaves have fallen, she notices the way the brown and red maples move with the wind, spiraling pushed forward and back. she walks past homes of people she knows and trusts but doesn't look at them....her mind is void...she is just seeing the concrete, without observation. her steps bring her to the open door. quietly she walks in, the house is empty. she doesn't hear anyone home, doesn't feel any presence here. she walks up the stairs to her room. she is alone no one is here, no one even missed her, no one even knew she had been gone so long, no one knows were she went. who she "spoke" to what she had done. she feels sadness, abandoned, invisible. She can't remember where she went or how she even got home. She walks through the house and feels the walls closing in on her, she feels the vibration of laughter heckling inside her. she isn't here. There is none here to even care. she goes to her room and changes her clothes, puts the dress at the bottom of the laundry basket. She isn't here. And she knows she isn't supposed to be here.
Sister sister why don't you love me? You were an only child I know, 8 years born before me.
Sister sister you take care of me, no one else cares, to do it themselves, mommy makes you do it, she says you have to. She says you can't have any friends here while you are mother to me, harsh and cruel. She isn't here. She is always gone. You are my mother. She is a ghost, that haunts herself, and hides from me. I think she hates me too. She said I was a mistake.
Sister sister why do you tell me everything was fine before I was born....why do you tell me you hate me as you spit in my face, why do you play games that hurt me. Why do you tell me how ugly and stupid I am How disgusting I am? How you wish I was never born. You are the only one here now.
Momma's at work or no look she's sleeping in my bed she wont wake up. I tried to wake her up....she wont, she said "go away". I showed her the blood on my chest and tummy and she said "go away". Too many medicine! I think she is sick. There were pills all over the bed and the floor...she is sick alright.
DADDY HATES ME
I was told by all of you that daddy hates me. He never gives me hugs or kisses like he does you. why? He scares me you know he is a monster. He really is it's true. I get him his beers when he asks and then he turns into a monster. I wish he loved me.
unfinished dady hates me is a hard one