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Rated: · Short Story · Fantasy · #1341665
Parady of Goldilocks and the Three Bears
Silver-locks came across an empty log house in the woods while she was out collecting herbs for her witchcraft. Since the house seemed to be empty, she took out a credit card and jimmied the lock to open up the door.

Inside, she found a long antique hardwood table with three hand carved chairs in large, medium and small sizes. In front of each chair was a bowl of food. She smelled the food and it made her hungry, so she set down the herbs and sat in the largest chair and proceeded to taste the food. In the bowl, there were maggots and they were squirming desperately to get out of the steaming liquid. She decided that today wasn't her day to eat live maggots.

The next chair was a bit smaller so she sat in it to see what was in that bowl of food. There was mold growing on the top and it had turned into blue fuzz. She decided that this food wasn't too fresh and moved on to the next chair.

In that bowl was a great deal of honey. She really loved honey so she dove into the food and ate until she got the most horrible stomachache.

Silver-locks had to run to the bathroom and when she got there, she noticed that there were three sets of toilets. The first one, she almost fell in, it was so big. The second one had such a bad odor that she had to race to the third one.

As she sat on the third commode, she got such cramps that only an explosion of her dinner splashing into the pot could cause a relief to the pain. She felt quite tired after that and left the remains in the small pot behind, as she didn't know that she had to pull a chain to flush it.

She walked into the bedroom and found that the beds were all different. One was a sleep number bed and she didn't know which number would be right for her. The second was a memory foam bed and she almost got lost in it. The third was a Craft-matic adjustable bed with a vibrating machine and it put her fast to sleep.

Now, while she slept, the Bigfoot family came home. They had been out scaring tourists and were quite hungry for their food. The father snowman gobbled down his maggots and was quite tired from all the excitement in the tourist park. The mother sucked down the mold through a straw since her teeth had long fallen out. Their child noticed that all his honey was gone and started throwing a tantrum. Mommy gave him some more honey while she accused her husband of stealing her son's breakfast before they left for the park.

When the child went to defecate he saw what was in the bathroom and threw another tantrum. The daddy accused the mommy of leaving her food remains in her son's toilet since hers smelled so badly. While the Abominable snow-people argued back and forth, the youngest one went into his bedroom to play with his people dolls and saw Silver-locks in his bed. An old silver-haired toothless witch sleeping in his bed freaked him out and he grabbed his cell phone and dialed 911.

After going outside to get a clear signal and trying to explain to the dispatcher for half an hour who he was and where he was and what was in his bed, Silver-locks grabbed her herbs, sneaked out the bedroom window and made her way back to the road as the sun went down only to encounter a werewolf who decidedly and forcefully took her home for his dinner.

A search party was sent to find the intruder and prosecute her for breaking and entering, and stealing food but no evidence of Silver-locks whereabouts were ever found.

The officers did find her basket of herbs sitting in the middle of the woods.
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