by Sas Freeman
A real letter written to a friend. Names have been changed.
| In high school, many students like to write notes. Danielle, a senior, is sitting in her U.S. History class. It is toward the end of the period and she is talking with her friends when she saw Amy pass a note to Lil. Lil turns around to Amy and told her to shut up. Danielle knew that Amy was writing annoying letters to Lil and others so she decided to do the same to Amy. Danielle never intended the note to be very long. She started the letter and kept writing for over two days in her spare time.
Since you think you have to write annoying letters, I am writing an annoying
letter to you. Are you gonna get mad at me? I hope so!!!
By the end of this note you will probably ask me, "Why did you
write this note?" And I will tell you, "I don't know!" Then you will say "You
are weird!" and I will say "I know," and you will shake your head because
you don't understand me. I will have to slap you because you are making
fun of me and you will say, "What was that for?" I will say, "You hurt my
feelings," and then I will have to start crying. You will then say
sympathetically, "I'm sorry Danielle. I will never do it again." Then, I will
stop crying and you will laugh again. I will have to start crying again
because you lied to me. While I am crying, Christine walks into the room. I
tell her what happened and she will join my side because I will tell her, "I
wove you," in the saddest and friendliest voice I can. She will say, "You
do?" and I will say, "Yep." Then Christine will slap you because she thinks
you were mean to me.
Now that Christine is on my side, Kat walks in and she will come to my
side because I am nice. Since I have Kat on my side, Lil will be on my side
too. Just because Lil and Kat stay together. Now that I have them on my
side, Mary will come into the picture. She will join my side because as it is,
it is 4 to 1 and she doesn't want to join the loser's side. So now it is 5 to 1.
Now that I have everyone on my side, I will tell them what you did and then
they will all hit you. Then we will go on being friends because it won't matter
Your boyfriend Jacob will look at you later that night and laugh because
you put yourself in that position. Then you hit Jacob due to him laughing at
Then Tom will join my side just because the whole thing is so funny. He
will also enjoy my side because his girl, Christine is on my side. Then
Jacob will betray you and join my side because I am special and Tom and
Jacob are always together. Then all your little sisters and your little brother
will join my side because they like me. Even Sammy might join my side.
She likes me after she gets to know me. Now your dad has to join my side
because your dad has to take care of the kids and you can take care of
15 to 1. We are not done adding to my side but your side is finished. Kat
has reached her house by now and she has told her family about what
happened at school today. Everyone that lives in her house has now joined
my side. That adds 9 more people. Then Amanda's friend Kristy will join my
side because Amanda will call her and she knows me. That night you will
go to sleep and think about me.
Do you remember what I said about having weird dreams about water when
I stayed the night. Your first dream doesn't include me. You are sitting on
a boat in the middle of the ocean. You see some fish swimming around the
One of the fish looks like Flounder off of “The Little Mermaid”. Than Arial
and Sabastian come up to the surface. Instead of Arial asking questions
about what forks and other objects are, she asks you, "Are you that girl that
hurt Danielles feelings?" You will deny it but she will know better and all the
fish, the crab, and the mermaid will laugh at you. You get scared by this but
the dream ends.
The next dream I am still not in but it gets worse. You are sitting in your
room and Jacob and Tom are there and all of your family is in your room.
They are all laughing at you. Jacob by now has given you a lot of soda and
you realize that you have to pee. Since everyone is laughing hysterically
you think you can escape. Someone catches you and won't let you
through. You tell them that you have to pee really bad but they don't care.
You can't wait any longer and you pee down you legs. Whoever had a hold
of you leg let go and you wake up. As you wake up you realize that you
were not dreaming when you had to pee. Now you have to get up and
change. You no longer can sleep on your bed because it is wet and stinks.
You grab a blanket out of your sisters room and sleep on the floor.
Now you remind me of a commercial where the little kid pees the bed and
has to sleep on the floor with just a blanket around him, and his parents get
him pull ups.
Now you have fallen back to sleep. You have another dream. This time I
am in it. You are so mad at me now, even though I did nothing, that you
come looking for me. You want to kill me. You go walking through the
streets carrying a knife in your hand. The bad part about the knife is it is not
even two inches long and it is plastic. The knife is a utensil from you little
sisters Barbie's kitchen set. A police officer sees you walking down the
street with this knife and asks you,
"What are you doing?" He is looking at you really weird. You say, "I am
going to kill Danielle. She has made everyone turn against me." Now the
police officer is on my side even though he does not know me because he
thinks you are so weird. He thinks you are psycho and does not think you
should be allowed to walk the streets anymore so he takes you into
custody. He thinks that you are not suitable for the jail house so a jail-room
is built for you outside. The room is a six by seven foot room. The walls are
bars. They (the police force and the community) think you need some kind of
shading so they put a tiny umbrella on top of your room. This umbrella was
also from your little sisters Barbie stuff.
They put you in this room. Everyone can see you and everyone is laughing
at you again. All of a sudden you wake up to realize it was all a dream. But
you think the day at school was a dream to but after you got to school and
Kat started laughing, you knew that it was not a dream. You now feel sick to
your stomach. You can't go home because you have a big test. You go to
talk to the teacher about the test but it is to late. She has found out. She
laughs at you and tells you,
"If you go home you will get a zero." Your anger for me just keeps getting
worse and worse. I still did nothing wrong. Everyone has arrived at the school
and the bell has rang. You go to first hour and you sit by yourself. Everyone
wants to know why you are sitting all by yourself. You tell them, "Don't worry
But Amy, your friends that are in your first hour class told what happened.
Now everyone in your first hour, even the teachers are on my side. The few
teachers that know, think that the whole school should know. One of the
teachers tells Pat to put it in the announcements. Pat and a few other people
that were in the office joined my side. Fourth hour comes and the
announcements are being read. The first laugh came from Barb and then you
could hear the entire school laughing. Laughing at you.
People of the town heard the entire school body, except you, laughing and
thought that all of central Illinois should know. The story is broadcasted to the
newspapers. All the newspapers in central Illinois have published this story.
Now all of central Illinois is on my side. As soon as the t.v. news centers find
out they have members jump in vans and come interview you. You do not
want to talk to me or the press now. Since you will not talk, some of you
closest friends like Kat and Lil tell the press the whole story. When the story
was shown on t.v. you could hear people in the background, "This story gets
funnier everytime I hear it." There are people rolling on the floor because they
are laughing so hard. Since some of the news channels show further than
central Illinois, more people know and more t.v. stations get the story. Within
the first half hour after the story was broadcasted the radio stations were
telling the story. Special reports are starting to pop up all over the world.
Bulletin boards that are alongside the roads have your picture with "ha's"
floating all around your head. You can't bear to show you face in public. The
entire world now knows and everyone is on my side. Even those people who
do not get out much. Now everyone is on my side and you realize how stupid
the whole thing was. You come and talk to me and you say, "Danielle, I
realize how stupid I was and I want to join your side," and I say, "Are you
gonna make fun of me again?" You say, "No," and I say, "Are you telling the
truth?" and you say, "Yes," and I say, "Ok."
Now you are on my side. I won. And everyone says, "Hip hip horray for
Danielle." And then we all go on like nothing happened until you do that kind
of a stupid thing again.