Chicks, cars, and roadkill--a punny redneck dream crashes and burns. Tourn-a-rounds
|January 3, 2008
Suburban, MD 04126
Hope you and Pa are doing good. I know I don't usually write, but I'm still too torqued to call you after what happened last night.
I got to my girlfriend Donna's house about 8. She had a strut in her step, a spark in her eye, and I filter radiator love. Watching her tight frame sway in that short, black skirt only fueled my passion, and I thought, "This Shelby the night we go Audi way."
I really wanted to Impreza, and trying to be Gallant like you taught me, I Saturn my new Sunbird, and we cruised Lacrosse the mountain.
"Radar Love" came on the radio, and I cranked the tune-up. Donna had her Nissan the dash, and she'd alternator legs to the Tempo. I auto know better, but Aura could think of was how to Explorer Mini.
"Watch out!" Sedona, clutching the hell-handle.
I looked up in time to Dodge a cat, but then Desoto critter jumpstart in front of me. Next thing I know, we're fishtailing, and the car Rolls right into the Canyon.
Once it stopped, I took the Liberty of dragging Donna by the Armada window. She only had a few scratches, but the pressure got to her. She started to Saab, then her face went white-wall I thought she would Passat right there. I held her in my arms to Viper tears. When the waterworks stopped, she started to grille me. She was solenoid it looked like she was gonna deck me in the fascia. I sat idle while she rode me about my lapse in judgment, but I was getting piston the meantime. After twenty minutes of waiting in the cold for the flip Pinto truck, I wanted to throttle her.
Finally, I shifted the subject. "Hon--da mall's right up the road. Lexus Focus on the positive, Vue this as a lesson, and get something to eat. Ferrari know, one day we'll look back and laugh at a close Escape."
"Screw you!” she squealed. “Armada here."
She bolted away, and I was too exhausted to flag her down. I really thought she was the one; I was even geared up for an en-gauge-ment. But, like all the others, she dented my pride and left me Hyundai in my hour of need. Watt classic timing! Yeah, she’s a hottie, but who needs a woman who lets shock absorber?
Wheel, if you can a Ford it, I'd like a thousand bucks wired for my insurance deductible. Even better, ask Sis if she Sable Sebring it. Elise that way when I get out of the hospital I'll have a ride.
I have a slight concussion, and I’m depressed, but I'm not nuts. I’m just slick and tired of getting run over. From now on, oil steer clear of chicks, Ma. Acadia not. Each one is a Deville waiting to brake your heart. I've finally realized: No matter where Yugo, Mazda only woman Yukon Reliant to Infinity.
P.S. Azera place around here I can Celica?
For Round 1: Puns