The introduction for my novel
|Ah once again my heart beats to a stop and become inaudible. Eyes shrivel and darkened , with icy depth of fear and hate. To tell you the truth, I know this. This feeling, its a feeling that I've felt since the start. Ah the start...so long ago, the beginning of an immortal life. "Go away" The words of a wrathful angel with ire clinging to the tenure of her oh so sweet voice. Don’t worry my love. I am nothing if not understanding. I did not lie when I spoke those soft words to you. When my lips touched the soft loop in your ears. I spoke no lies. Never! They are not my way. I spoke half truths and untruths but never lies that I assure with every fiber of this being of mine. But more to the point, you must understand that those words. Ah those words I know them. I know them like I know myself, no that’s all lie. That’s an outrageous lie that should be corrected. No I know those two words better than I know myself. And I've had eternity to figure out who I am. Who I am?...Lonely Wanderer ,traveling through empty roads at the strike of midnights and the break of dawn. But still, perhaps you cannot see in the icy depths of utter darkness. After the inaudibly beating ice colored heart., coiled clinging deeply to the utter darkness of my being. My soul.
No...I am not like him the Doctor. Bu I am ...we are....yes we are alike. Ah though I am not immortal, mortality is not something I know of much. But still I know those words...those ireful words that sting like daggers made of pure darkness ice. I've only merely seen fourteen winters through this changing shades of eyes. A different shade for a different feeling. A different shade for a different pain and wonder. Yes...I am made out of darkness. I am the boy made of darkness.
Yet here I lay upon a wooden bed, crying tears that cry tears and fearing fears that fear fear and losing hope that is lost. So I merely relieve now what I've felt a thousand times. Ah my beloved to tell you the truth I shall follow those softly spoken words to the letter. Go away you say? Then away I shall go... but I wonder how?
A dagger that will pierce my flesh? So that I may bleed one last goodbye?...No much too gruesome and painful. Indeed I do deserve pain but I am weak. Oh so weak.
Drowning in shallow waters? Perhaps, one last thought of the mind. End it all in winter ice waters from the deepest circles of the most fearsome oceans that hold the deepest ire to the human flesh?! No what waters shall I find in this town of mine? In this city? No too risky...rescue perhaps could come...come ...no that’s al lie but still ...much too painful...leaving much to much time to think .
And I stare now, softly at the shadows of perpetual darkness. How uncanny are they not? To the untrained eye, they bring nothing but fear and shadow. But to my ageless eyes. A mere perpetual shadow of purple shade. And what do i find this fancy of the eye!? Oh yes! This indeed is a sign that following your words to the letter my beloved is the way , but to tell you the truth. I also follow selfish wishes of and end of a thing I detest and yet adore. And end to my good old friend that hates me like I hate it but loves me like I love it.
But back to my discovery! Yes! Yes! Yes! In this shadow, violet vicious shadow! A flask. A flask, maroon and with a label that enables my brain to open up to possibility.
Yes, its forming in my mind, one last confectioned plan. All is void from sound, while insanity lingers. Finally a plan is ready and set and now I shall step through it.
A final letter? Perhaps? But why bother? let them wonder if they wonder any of why? ! After all I am doing nothing but good, following her words to the exact letter! Go away she said and that I shall do!
So I stand with eyes covered in deep darkens. A change of mind? An opening path? NO! Of course not silly! Its the mere locks of pure darkness that adorn my scalp! Ebony, but what did you expect?! Did I not say I was a boy made of darkness?
Ah so I am not the only who feels bitter icy course through his veins? No apparently as the soles of my feet feel the feelings of the bleak gray floor that stands alone and long like I do. We share one final conversation. IS ay goodbye and it says why not? Goodbye. We share this one last final conversation in the depths of our minds. He says how utterly uncanny! My boy that indeed is a way that I thought of before but sadly I have no lips.
This is he way the world ends.
This is the way the world ends.
This is the way the worlds ends.
Not with a bang but with a whimper!
Lies Elliot, even though I adore you with every cell of adoration in the my cursed being, you are quite wrong. I shall end with neither bang nor whimper but with soft smile and inaudible goodbye!
I am the boy made of darkness so now I shall go join it. Become one with what I was meant to be , only I wonder why was I not this from the start?!
Now I am here and there is not stopping the sense of not stopping that comes to my mind!
There here picture stands! No!!!!!!!!!! How dare you life put this final stopping to my not stopping will! But no I shall not stop. I shall not stare at those child like eyes made out of soft chocolate! No I Shall dare not! Nor shall my eyes gaze upon those lovely locks of cherry that cling to her beautiful scalp! Not even shall my eyes glaze and melt over her face that would make an angel sting in pain. No because I am doing this as she said. She said "Go Away" SO that I shall do! To the letter my beloved!
So now, this final goodbye.
As alabaster fingers made of ivory complexion, coil around the slim proportions of the cobalt colored flask. Slowly long fingers that are like bone colored spades made of flesh instead of stone, uncap the lid of the flask that will help me follow what you said my beloved!
So now this! Well to tell you the truth. I've never thought of myself as brilliant! Never not once not even for a span of a second have I given myself any care for i deserve none.
But now my beloved. I feel brilliant! Truly , gloriously brilliant! Like I've never felt before! For who else could have composed and contracted and applied this brilliant plan of mine!?
So now I share one final kiss.
Not with the lips I yearn for.
Nor with the lips that where willing.
Nor with the lips that yearned my lips.
I share this final kiss to follow your instructions!
I share it with this flask.
With this bottle.
We kiss, we kiss deeply and passionately and I even heave my head backwards.
And it kisses back and even sends little sot kisses running through my tongue!
And then, bliss release.
Ah how utterly passionate this final kiss was. I imagined your lips but then again what else was I to do. They where the only lips that I want. Even though I've been with many. Those , they are nothing compared to you but hats not important at any rate. For I am doing what you asked me to.
GO AWAY you said.
If that is what you wish I responded.
SO now as I drop down and join the soft and terminus darkness.
Lids close over the ageless eyes of mine .
And my end arrives!