Disappointment

Disappointment in ones own behaviour

A feel of disgust running through my veins.
How can I ever look into your eyes again
How can I know what to tell you
How can I know that you won’t let me down?
It feels as though
A knife has been shoved into my heart
Twisting and turning, Can’t stop the pain
I’m going to be sick again
I’m sick of hearing it
I don’t want to know how happy you are
I don’t want to know what you compare it to
You don’t understand, You really don’t
You can try as much as you want
But you never will
You know it just as much as I do

I can’t believe I said what I did
You will hate me forever now, won’t you?
Just like everyone else, I’ve lost touch with reality
Yet again. Why couldn’t I
Just let you be happy. Leave it at that?
I should just shelter myself
Lock me inside, no contact to the outer world
‘cause who knows
How much damage I will do next time?