I just randomly wrote this, and it made me think.
|People go through a time in life, sometimes around age 20, and probably many more times before or after in life, where they question who they are, who they want to be, where they are headed, and what they want in life.
My roommate was talking to me about her boyfriend whom she’s been dating exclusively for 4 years. They love each other, but she has gotten to a point where she feels as though the relationship is dull and is going nowhere.
I think the issue is that she is going through this same part of her life as I am, where she feels like she needs some time for herself to figure out who she is besides just “George’s girlfriend.” Maybe this is the reason why she isn’t satisfied with the relationship anymore, or maybe she just wonders what else is out there as she hasn’t seen it yet. But you have to question, what is a perfect relationship anyway? Is it attainable, or is the grass just greener on the other side? This sparked some thoughts about satisfaction in life, the subject of a painting that I just started last week.
This boyfriend situation and whole idea of satisfaction is like my circle painting. One goes on and on forever looking for satisfaction and perfection in their artwork and in life. Just like a circle, this search goes on forever. You will never find satisfaction and perfection, just like a circle will never end. You’ll never know where it stops, or when you are even done forming it with the paintbrush because it will never truly be perfect. There is no such thing even as a perfect circle. They are just a mold, a shape that resembles perfection. If nothing resembled perfection, then we wouldn’t even have an idea of it, or a desire to reach it, because we wouldn’t have a model to draw a conclusion and definition of perfection from.
As an artist I constantly and will forever agonize over the fact that I can never be satisfied and never reach what I view as the perfect work of art, or even perfection in life and relationships. But honestly this is a good thing. Only a person who can never be satisfied will reach their true potential. There is no such thing as perfection, so it may seem like a waste of time looking for it, and trying to capture or achieve it. The one thing I know is that only one who keeps striving for perfection while knowing they will inevitably fail, will truly reach the full potential of their talent, and maybe, just maybe, then they will be satisfied. Maybe then they will no longer be a failure. That I do not know.
It is evident that there is no such thing as perfection. But I’m not so sure, maybe there is such a thing as satisfaction. Maybe just temporarily, or maybe not at all, but I think maybe I’ll be satisfied if I’m “almost” satisfied that I have done everything I can in my life and my art. Besides being a good and genuine person worthy of living, I want more than anything else to be the best artist that I can.
This painting represents something all people go through. It represents the circle of life and the many cycles associated with it. Circles never end. There is this idea that there are infinite possibilities, infinite depths, colors, feelings, destinations, and nothing ever ends. I could keep painting circles on my canvas for all of eternity and never be finished. Even outside our planet and even universe, which could very well end, (especially with global warming) there is always something bigger that keeps going. As big as you get, planets, galaxies, solar systems, it keeps going, and something always consumes it and makes it so small.
We are so small and insignificant. Why do we even keep trying to reach these concepts of satisfaction, perfection, and greatness? We will never really achieve them, but once again, the one thing I do know is that you will never become the best you can be unless you keep going, seemingly in circles. Circles keep the world go round. They keep us sane, but at the same time their endlessness and inevitability combined make us entirely crazy. They may send you nowhere but exactly where you started, but at least they give you some direction. Without direction, you wouldn’t go anywhere at all. In my mind, everything in the world happens for a reason. Not in a religious godly sense, but in the sense that like a circle, everything must connect in some way.
My psychology professor, (who’s test I am supposed to be studying for instead of ranting) told us that any two human beings in this universe have more things in common than they do differences. This seems crazy, but when I think about it, I realize how much truth there is in that statement. Individuality is scarce. We are so connected by instincts and so controlled by an inevitable circle of life, and we can never escape it.
I have no idea what compelled me to write this, but it happened to pop out of my head and onto the computer.