by little miss
a lament in my life
|To whom it may concern, Be advised, the writer of this lament is currently in the process of having a nervous breakdown. Be advised to proceed with caution.So with these words we begin a journey into the realm of darkness and despair.Such has my life become.I freely admit that just last week i had a visit to the corner of Desperation and Main St.I have been filled with such anxiety and guilt after being by the demon named irresponsability and his twin, Stupidity, that it finally took its toll on my fragile psyche, already weakened to the point of breaking, and i become in essence, a raging child, hellbent on destroying it's accusers and punishing them as i have as well been punished,You may ask of the child, what good can come of such a venture into the world of homicidal maniacs? "Tell me child", you cry out."what has happenned to the girl (we so craftily tried to control) that we have drugged in a way as to conceal the hurt there so deeply within?"Well, my fellow americans, the day of recompense is at hand. The broken child lying helplesson the floor is ANGRY.Angry at the abuseshe has suffered over the years.Angry with being beate, with words as well as with hands.Angry with the whimpering sullen conformist she has become. Be a nice little girl, Sari.Be quiet Sari. Be a lady Sari. Don't get dirty Sari. Do as we say, not as we do. Quit crying!Get up off the floor! Oh that didnt really hurt.Shut up or I'll give you something to cry about!!!In my head as well as within my dreams are pictures I may never understand, perhaps it's better i never do. If you were to ask my tormentors to recall my childhood where my fragmented self so began, they would recall a much brighter past than what is describded herein.When asked, my mother tells a tale of differant colours."We were a happy family,"she recalls. But when asked about the day when in a rage, my father held her against the wall by the throat, she has forgotten this memory.Such is my life of grey shadows and fog.
This was actually written when i was having a serious mental condition, my counsoler had told me to journal, and this is what came out. I have worked out my anger at my family and at my childhood memories. Now I've moved on to other issues, such as self esteem and learning how to channell my emotions. Thats why i thought writing would be a good outlet for me.