Tigger crushes the birthday boy's heart. Literally.
“Tigger-r-r-r-r-r!” the children screamed as the orange character came bouncing through the door.
“Who wants to dance with Tigger?” asked the host. Fifteen tiny hands shot up.
It’s too frickin’ stuffy in this thing for dancing, lady. Christ, I can’t hardly breathe. Where the #$&% is everyone? I can’t see my #$&%in’ feet!
“Where’s the birthday boy? Get over here birthday boy! You get the first dance with Tigger! Come on, don’t be afraid! Look, you’re hurting Tigger’s feelings!”
Jesus, kid, just get the hell over here, it’s your god damn birthday party.
“No? Okay, then let’s all just boogie together!” The children shouted and ran toward Tigger. Tigger gave each of them high fives and they all began to dance.
Aright, we’ll try some disco…okay…and some robot…there we go…maybe some twisting…Christ…it’s getting hot in here…let’s do some roof-raising…okay…god damn…I’m getting kind’ve sweaty now.
“All right, let’s all do what Tigger does! Look, Tigger’s wants to do some jumping jacks!”
Jumping jacks? What the #$&%? I thought we were dancing. Aright, jumping jacks…Jeez, I’m gunna knock some friggin’ kid over…Christ it’s hot…I’m sweatin’ buckets here.
“Woah-h-h, look at Tigger go!” The host clapped. “Who want’s to see Tigger hop around?” Various forms of I do, I do erupted from the youthful crowd. “Wow! Look at Tigger hop!”
I’m gunna #$&%ing kill this lady. Jesus Christ, I’m bakin’ in this thing! Ah, #$&%! There’s sweat in my eyes!
Tigger stumbled a little. “Hey there, Tigger, are, uh, you OK?”
I can’t…can’t hardly breathe!…I need a…need a break here…feel like I’m gunna…like I’m gunna…
“Kids, uh, watch out. Tigger’s feeling a little woozy. Oh, Jesus.” And with that, Tigger collapsed on top of the birthday boy.