lost pain

My first poem online

As I sit here I try not to lose myself.
I'm trying not to think of all that happened so long ago.
I find it hard to deal now and,
I can not go on for much longer with this constant pain every day.
I just need to rest now for I can't stand to lose much more.
I know that you were there for me but you will never be again.
I've lost you now and can't go back to the way it was before.
I don't know how long I'll last but I hope you hear me now,
I'm sorry for all the pain I cased I wish to cause no more.