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Rated: · Short Story · Family · #1412392
Dialogue between husband and wife over daily chores.
"Not me!" he hollered from the downstairs bedroom, "I am not putting my hands in that disgusting dishwater!"

"But you made the dishes dirty ...not to mention that large skillet with dried egg and cheese, stuck on the sides and waiting for me to scrape it off. Then, there's that crap that fell on the floor. What is that? Picante sauce?"

"You want it clean? You clean it!" He slammed the door to his room and she could hear the television turned on to the Discovery channel. She yelled back at the top of her voice, "That's all you do is make a mess, eat and lay in bed watching T.V.! I am really getting tired of cleaning up after a fifty-nine year old man! No wonder none of your family ever calls or visits!"

Stacking plates full of hamburger grease, and setting the tall quart jars with remains of solidified milk on the opposite counter from the stove, she turned on the hot water. Only cold water spewed from the faucet.

"Can't you even remember to plug in the hot water heater? I do if I'm not using the microwave! Why can't you?
Dumb jerk!"

She pulled out the microwave plug and plugged in the hot water heater. Since she had to wait for the hot water, she decided to go ahead and run the vacuum cleaner over the kitty litter strung out over the living room carpet. She found clumps of kitty poop on the Yorkshire terrier's bed.

"Bad dog! Bad dog!" she scolded the little puppy when she put the poop up to his nose. She gave him a swift, light slap on his bottom and put the poop back into the litter box.

The vacuum cleaner wasn't in the living room. It was upstairs.

"I forgot...damn...I had better clean up that doghair -covered floor upstairs before bringing it down here," she said.

"Keep it down up there! I'm going to take a nap!"

"That's all you do is nap or eat, watch television or make messes all over this house. Didn't you notice the dog is dragging cat crap all over the house?"

"Then, clean the cat box more often," he answered.

"Why don't you clean the cat box? You are downstairs and pass it coming and going to the refrigerator! In fact, why don't you give the cats and dogs water once in a while? You go right pass their food and water bowls to stuff your face and they may be hungry or thirsty. Then, they don't give me a bit of peace when I am on the toilet. They rub all over me, wanting me to stop what I'm doing to go feed and water them. And you? You just lay back in the bed with your remote control!"

"Shut up! I am trying to nap!" he bellowed.

"So, when am I supposed to nap? All I do is work around here! When are you going to use the weed trimmer?"

"Not in the mud, I‘m not!"

"Well, it isn't too muddy for the neighbors. They're all out mowing before the next rain!" she yelled.

"Let the mosquitoes eat their legs up, then. Not me!"

She started the vacuum cleaner upstairs to clean up dead skin flakes, dustmites, cat dander and pet hair. She just missed stepping in a clump of dog poop and almost tripped, falling off the edge of the loft. The long extension chord was wadded up next to the bed and had dog hair matted on top of it. It was the one she used for her upstairs air conditioner.

The extension chord connected the air conditioner to the downstairs plug on the other circuit breaker. That way, all four air-conditioners worked in the house without flipping breakers.

Over the noise of the vacuum cleaner, she faintly heard him yelling, "Can't you do that later and let me sleep?"

"You slept all night! I couldn't sleep for the roaring of your snoring! Hey! I made a rhyme!" she yelled.

"Bitch!" he yelled back. She pretended she couldn't hear him and continued to vacuum.

The gunshot drowned the sound of her vacuuming and he heard a loud thump above his head.

"Now I can get some sleep!"
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