Fear ∩ Cowardice

I wrote this over the past 2+ years. Not how I usually feel about myself, only sometimes.

I am always the one looking back regretting the past 
Not ready to embrace the possibilities the future holds.
And I am so afraid, can't stand the pain of looking within
Confronting the monster that I really am.
But if I believed that for me the future held possibilities
Other than continual defeat, I would not say...
 
I stare into the light of the oncoming train that is my future.
I am so afraid that I won't survive the collision.
I cannot escape from this inevitable sense of failure.
I am so afraid that there's so much of life that I'll be missing.

I'm so sick of this... never finishing what I've started.
I can't exist... shackled by the chains of my own inaction.
I can't go on like this... I can't continue to be immobilized by this debilitating fear.

Fear is natural, but if I allow it to control my actions that would make me a coward.