|To notice that there is really something wrong with me, you kind of half to be inside me. I know that I've had a lot of problems and I don't seem to get over them really fast. I try but I'm always the same stubborn, sad , and depressed. I always try to fight to always be different but the past holds to me.
I try to live a different world, where nothing like this has ever happend to me, but yet I know I'm still a depressed 16 year old girl who doesn't like living. Why can't I be a normal girl? I always wanted to go out and do something but I'm always feeling rejected.
After my sister had died of cancer in 2006, I went bad. I started drinking and doing stupid stuff, now I'm trying to figure out who I am. What I want to do and how to be happier, but something always goes wrong.
What if God actually made me an unhappy person in life? What if I acutally don't have a destiny to be here? What if i did something to acutally harm myself or someone that I love?
So many questions so little time....
I always thought of making myself feel better was to write it down or try to escape from the real world and be someone in "your" mind, but I can't seem to always...get the bad things out of my head. What if I am a mentally ill person that deserves to spend the rest of there days locked up in a looneybin? I don't want to dissapoint my family or my friends. I want to show them that I'm strong but I to scared to stand up for myself. I'm always crying and at school I'm a bitch. I can't get along with teachers, and I act like I don't care, when I acutally do. I don't want to do, maybe I do need help but someone that I can acutally trust and acutally care about me, but who can I turned to? I can't turn to my parents they always make fun of me, not my friends cause they seem to think I'm some lunatic. But can I really turn to God in prayers and going to church? If I can't find myself soon....what is going to hapend to me.....