This sketch took my a whole Saturday. Shame that it's so short! Please rate
Establishing shot of the outside of a secondary school
Setting-inside of school gymnasium. A class of year 8 children (12-13) sitting on the hard polished wooden floor, with their teacher sitting on a small plastic chair, wearing a long skirt, sensible blouse and jacket. They are watching a small group of performers, Ab Stain, perform an anti-drugs play. Their homemade set piece consists of three large canvasses, all connected to one another, painted with a motif of a brick wall (grey brick), on which has been sprayed inoffensive graffiti. The middle panel has a red door with a 'Keep Clear' written on it, and a metal rubbish bin next to it.
Performer One is a skinny white boy dressed in an oversized basketball top, baggy shorts, large sunglasses and a big , round Green Peace badge.
Performer Two is wearing a suit, but instead of a shirt and tie, he's wearing a white T-shirt, and a chef's hat.
Performer Three is a fat man with a goatee, wearing a school uniform consisting of blazer, shirt, tie, shorts and black shoes.
Performer One (to Performer Three)- So now I'm a multi millionaire, eco rapper
Performer Two (to Performer Three)- And I'm an international, diamond dealing, investment banker, TV chef- all because I believed in myself and stayed away from drugs
Performer One (to Performer Two)- For real
Performer Three- Wow, you guys ARE successful! Well, that does it, I'm gonna stop taking heroin, go back to school, and become an astronought, just like my Dad.
Performer One and Two- Cool
All (turn to audience)- Wicked coo!
All three put their thumbs up, looking at the audience with big grins adorning their faces, and hold the pose
The audience are unimpressed. The there is a mixture of bored, tired, angry, disappointed and insulted expressions, as they all stare on in disbelief.
Their teacher, sharing their opinion, claps slowly, and patronisingly.
Teacher- Wow. I mean really, wow. That was just - awful
All three Performers relax their pose, looking surprised and deflated
Teacher- What did you think that was gonna do? Honestly?
Performer 2- It was meant to teach the kids about drugs
Teacher- How? A white rapper, a TV chef and a fat bloke, who wants to be an astronaught, was it? I'm sorry, but no amount of rocket fuel would get you into space-
Performer Three- Now wait a minute-
Teacher- - what are you doing here anyway? As far as I was aware kebabs aren't a drug
Performer Three- It's glandular!
Teacher- Then stop eating people. Look, just go. Go on, get out.
Teacher gets up and starts shooing the Performers out of the door
Performer One- What abut our money?
Teacher pulls out a bottle of purple mentholated spirit from her jacket pocket
Teacher- Here's a bottle of meth, now go find a bridge to drink it under
Teacher ushers them out once more
Teachers- Bloody community service