A comic poem in the style of "The Raven" (WestWard Quarterly)
|The Plumber Geek
On a Friday in the summer, spring a leak and call a plumber
I could not feel any dumber if I tried to patch the leak.
Waiting for his presence fearful, thinking of the bill, I'm tearful
'Tis the end of being cheerful. Cheerful not, I'm feeling bleak.
Water's rising higher, higher, and I soon let out a shriek.
On my doorstep stands a geek!
Standing there with pallor pasty, shirt thrown on in manner hasty
Dried remains of... something tasty?... on his shirt add geek mystique.
Add a sense that wheresoever he has been, he may have never
Seen the light of day for longer than it takes to sneak a peek.
Long enough to add some color, add some color to his cheek.
Stop, you pale pathetic geek!
"Morning, ma'am." the plumber utters, and with each word my heart shudders.
"I'll get on this" he just mutters. I'm so stunned I cannot speak.
Glancing at his back retreating, "God, please help me!", I'm repeating
Though the the chances seem so fleeting, with the evidence so weak.
From his glasses to his clothing, it is clear I'm up a creek.
How'd I get a plumbing geek?
He is barely out of high school (in his coat, is that a slide rule?)
I'm afraid that I'll lose my cool as my worries reach a peak.
Tearing at my hair so roughly, I ask him, and kind of gruffly,
If he's ever fixed a problem of this sort, what's his technique?
Geek-boy doesn't even look up, doesn't care 'bout my critique.
He's at work, that plumber geek.
It is now that it comes to me, with a shiver running through me
Yet with resignation gloomy, Friday 13th is this week
I have scheduled a plumber, must admit it's quite a bummer,
For this day in early summer when the constellations freak.
Nothing right is likely due me if I risk my lucky streak.
On this day, I'd get a geek.
But behind me there's a small voice, "It's all fixed. Now, here's your invoice."
I can only stand and rejoice (and my preconceptions tweak).
Thanking him, I give a quick look, seeing if his invoice mistook
My slim bank account for one owned by a wealthy Arab sheik.
"Not so bad for Friday 13th!" and a blush comes to my cheek.
My heroic plumber geek!
* In a format best known as that used in Edgar Allen Poe's "The Raven".
The rhyme scheme is ABCBBb DBEBBb ... where the B is trochaic octameter catalectic and the b is trochaic tetrameter catalectic and all other lines are trochaic tetrameter acatalectic. Lots of internal rhyming.