by damien I
it's about love and how i am or we are willfully enslaved
Our Willful Prison
Personal collection of notes by Michael Taylor
I wonder why am I trapped, held hostage by the human emotion of love. I am its willing prisoner yet sometimes I wish not to be. Because of the law of duality and of causality I and also a prisoner of pain. Its pray I am forever trapped by its nets. I am willfully reeled in time after time and can not escape. She lets me go just for the sick pleasure of the catch. I doubt that her nefarious plan is conscience, and thus I forgive her. All humans, in order to be human feel emotion. This is one of the outward most qualities. One which I would never give away.
I am glad for the pain, for it has taught me what true love really mean. A feeling less and less people feel. However there are those who do. And in that category there is a majority that does not understand these feelings. Those who do not make drastic actions which have varying results.
I understand myself very well. I understand that the reason that I have the privilege to understand love is in turn, the pain of love. Love is of course a yin-yang. Love in itself holds the most power. It can cause us to act out; it can cause us to kill. It can also cause us incredible bursts of supernatural strength. In our weakest times we find strength though love. Love of our families, love of our possessions, and my personal strength reserve, the love of loves, the one that can only be formed between two peoples, be it man and woman or man and man, woman and woman.
She is aware of what she does. Yet, I do not believe that she understands it. I believe that she loves me. I believe that she means good. However she is intelligent enough to realize what I do. The pain of her choices echo through my soul. My body shudders at my realization that I am dying, slowly. My mind knows, it panics, yet it can not muster the energy it takes to pull out of this emergency. My emotions are at battle with my sense of rationality.
So I stand in the middle, alone. Without her next to me, either physically or in my mind, I wander down dark, seep paths unknown. Willingly I am ready to fall of the cliff, as I edge closer to it. The only salvation is that of her warm grasp. In her arms I find solace, I find peace. In her love I am clean, pure. Within her walls I am safe, from my self and the out side world, who is clawing at my own defenses, knowing full well that my systems are down. And even during this horrific, never-ending assault, I find the strength to fight back. The strength as said before comes from that burst of exuberance that I feel when I know that I love her. And that I will fight to the end of the earth and beyond just to feel her warmth upon my soul and my heart.
And in that place I hear the words cry out:”I will fight, I will continue, for I know that my prize, my treasure is just beyond that mountain.” The words are my own. My battle cry. I remind my self of my promise to her and I climb that mountain. I shall endure the onslaught. I shall reach the peak.
And then I do. I reached the peak. And upon this peak I look down onto the valley below. Filled of the most beautiful sights ones eyes will ever feast upon. Crystal lakes and rivers of stunning blue paced waters, fields of exotic flowers from around the world. Animals are at peace here, just as everything else. Paradise, I now know the meaning. My happiness nearly a short distance down. I run.
I reach the bottom but to look around. Her face is overshadowed by the rays of light. The light, of course, is the love, the bond. I knew that it would pay off. We embrace each other, kissed filled passion, and emotion flying high.
But wait! Of course this place, this paradise, is nothing more than another human emotion. The emotion of hope. The end of the dream, the end of my hope. The pain had waked me, brought me back to my senses, it had won that battle. I am now as before. Wondering why I let my self stay a prisoner. However the answer is clear, as it always had been. I love her. I knew it from the moment that I saw her, and I know it now. She is my life and my strength. And I am forever willfully in her prison cell. And I know this is where I want to remain.